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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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It's Joke Time!
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to p in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
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Posted 1/31/08 10:29 AM  |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: It's Joke Time!
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while
your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:30 AM |
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Matteos-mommy
Can't believe I'm 2
Member since 12/07 1260 total posts
Name:
L.
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Re: It's Joke Time!
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:30 AM |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: It's Joke Time!
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:31 AM |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel'?
He replied:
'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:34 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: It's Joke Time!
A husband accompanies his wife to the hospital to deliver thier first child. Seeing his wife in alot of pain he says to the doctor "Doc, isn't there anything you can do, my beautiful wife is in alot of pain and I hate to see her like this." The doctor says there is a new machine they can use that takes the pain from the mom and gives it to the dad everytime she gets a contraction. The husband said how bad could it be and was all for it and quickly signed up. As time passed the contractions were getting stronger and the husband said "wow this is great, I'm not feeling a thing. Hunny, lets have 5 more kids" After giving birth to thier beautiful baby, the husband leaves the hospital to go to the house to check in and make sure everything was ok. He came home to the mailman dead on his front porch.
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:39 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: It's Joke Time!
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:40 AM |
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ETAB
Mother Mary Pray for us
Member since 7/07 2052 total posts
Name:
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Re: It's Joke Time!
those are awesome!!!!
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:42 AM |
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TreAnt427
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Member since 8/06 8652 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: It's Joke Time!
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| Posted 1/31/08 10:43 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: It's Joke Time!
bump. I need more jokes please. My day is going sooo slow
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:07 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Posted by EckoRed81504
bump. I need more jokes please. My day is going sooo slow
I had to reread your joke twice. I kept wondering why the mailman was dead. 
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:39 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: It's Joke Time!
One day a woman came up to her husband and told him that the TV was broken and she was missing her shows.
"Does it say cable repairman anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said.
A few minutes later she came back and told him that the porch was breaking and it was dangerous.
"Does it say carpenter anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she said again.
A few minutes later she came back and told him the toilet was backed up.
"Does it say plumber anywhere on my forehead?" he asked.
"No," she replied.
A couple of days later he went on a business trip.
When he came back he asked how things had been.
"Well," she said, "our neighboor down the street came over and fixed our TV, repaired our porch and unclogged our pipes."
"What did he ask for in payment?" he wondered.
"All he asked for was a chocolate cake or a kiss," she told him.
"What did you do?" he asked.
She looked at him smugly and said: "Do you see Betty Crocker written anywhere on my forehead?"
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:41 PM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: It's Joke Time!
OMG, those are all great!
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:45 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: It's Joke Time!
OMG so did I! lol I'm slowwwww
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:45 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Posted by bicosi
OMG so did I! lol I'm slowwwww
Thank goodness I was not alone. 
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| Posted 2/1/08 1:46 PM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Posted by Emily
Posted by bicosi
OMG so did I! lol I'm slowwwww
Thank goodness I was not alone.
But you understood it right
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| Posted 2/1/08 2:02 PM |
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Re: It's Joke Time!
 Keep 'em coming!!
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| Posted 2/1/08 2:23 PM |
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luckystars3
2015
Member since 11/07 2378 total posts
Name:
Julie
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Re: It's Joke Time!
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| Posted 2/1/08 2:25 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Posted by EckoRed81504
Posted by Emily
Posted by bicosi
OMG so did I! lol I'm slowwwww
Thank goodness I was not alone.
But you understood it right
after reading it over about 5 times! lol
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| Posted 2/1/08 2:34 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: It's Joke Time!
Posted by bicosi
Posted by EckoRed81504
Posted by Emily
Posted by bicosi
OMG so did I! lol I'm slowwwww
Thank goodness I was not alone.
But you understood it right
after reading it over about 5 times! lol
I had to read it twice but I get it now. 
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| Posted 2/1/08 4:05 PM |
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