June 5th: What Might Have Been

I have been debating posting this because we didn't really want people to feel sorry for us and make a big fuss. It's not that we don't appreciate the support - we do. We just downplay personal issues on the boards alot and try not to dwell on negative things.

But today is a tough one.

As many of you know. On October 11th, Boosh suffered a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Very early in pregnancy, I know. And there was never even a chance for a heartbeat, but it was still a life that never had the chance to develop.

Since then, she suffered a second one on March 16th at 4 weeks, which was equally devastating to us both.

And of course, the fact that we deal with infertility and require medical procedures to even TTC, which puts our ability to raise biological children into question, only complicates things, because there's a big unknown on what the final outcome will be.

We're taking the summer off and doing some things and we've come back strong. Heck, we even managed to attend a christening 4 days after the first miscarriage and have gone to countless baby and kid parties since. We can't stop the world from spinning after all. We're looking forward to starting the process again soon.

But today, we reflect on what might have been. As today, June 5th, would have been Boosh's EDD for the first miscarriage. For the most part, it's been a normal day. I don't mind telling you that going into the second bedroom that will eventually be the baby's room, and seeing nothing but Christmas ornaments, the laundry and other items we store in there - instead of a nursery which was supposed to be there, was not a happy event.

I'm not one for hugs - you all know this. If you want to send them, that's fine . I will ask for prayers for us today, and for our "potato puff" (as we named it - not quite sure why ) in heaven.

And in keeping with trying to be humorous even in the most trying of times, I'll say that the good part in all of this is that she wasn't getting ready to deliver yesterday. Who wanted to travel in THAT storm.

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for you guys. I'm glad you're able to stay positive... keep your eyes on the prize!!!

for when you start TTC again!

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I am going to send both and
To you both. You both are amazing!!!

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I am very sorry you have to go through a day like this.
and to both of you!

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Suffering a miscarriage, though a natural part of the whole process, is a devastating blow no matter what stage of the pregnancy, and no matter how many times. I've suffered many - more than I care to remember. BUT, it's that knowledge of how fragile life is and how imperfect it is, that makes it all that much more sweet when you have your child in your arms for the first moment, which I know you will.

Keep your head up... your time will come

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for you both and


for Boosh (since you don't like them )

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Don,

I have been thinking about this day for quite sometime now. It just royally s u x that anyone has to deal with a pregnancy/infant loss and the struggles to acheive their dream of seeing that blue line on the stick and then that first heartbeat.

I know Mothers Day, today and Fathers Day all have a bittersweet feel to them with the hidden wonder of "what" might have been.

Like I've said, I will never pester you & Christine when you begin your TTC road once again but will be here whenever you need to vent, cry or to celebrate!!!

I won't send hugs but I will send you both many, many kisses

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Thank you everyone for your support. As it turns out I am very busy at my job today. Maybe that is a sign from God, to keep me busy so I wont think about today too much.

At this point we are for a very speedy summer so we can start up our treatments again.

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I pray and hope that you guys experience the joy of a successful pregnancy soon.

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My prayers are always with you guys

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My prayers are with you. May you soon be able to fill that room with baby items and have your wish come true. I'm so sorry for what you both have gone through, and praying for you both.

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Hugs and prayers to you and Boosh.

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