| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 |
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Your SS sleeps in your home no? Going on vacation is no different. Sharing a bed on vacation is not a requirement. I'm sure your situation is unqiue, I'm sure you have had your share of battles, but to say a step mother should not go on vacation with her step children for fear of a molestation charge? 
|
Posted 8/21/08 10:40 PM  |
| |
|
clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by Summerrluvv
Your SS sleeps in your home no? Going on vacation is no different. Sharing a bed on vacation is not a requirement. I'm sure your situation is unqiue, I'm sure you have had your share of battles, but to say a step mother should not go on vacation with her step children for fear of a molestation charge?
That's not what I said... there were posts about sharing a room... at a certain point I PERSONALLY feel it's not appropriate to do so with a child of the opposite gender and I'm entitled to my space as is he. Honestly too, I have no reason to make excuses... I'm very open with my feelings to DH, no he doesn't always like what he hears, but usually he can see my point of view and I have a right to be comfortable too. Regardless it's not an issue anymore b/c I don't go. Besides, I'm sure you can understand that SS wants to spend alone time with his father without s-mother's involvement, just as he enjoys time and even trips with his biomom without her man. Nothing wrong with a couple going away without the kids either. Most who have their S-kids sleep over use a separate bedroom. Not all of us do the sleep overthing anymore anyway.
Message edited 8/21/2008 10:47:56 PM.
|
| Posted 8/21/08 10:46 PM |
| |
|
my3boys
I love these boys
Member since 7/07 2711 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by Summerrluvv
Posted by clwp
Also, I hold to the fact that an unrelated woman or s-mother is setting herself up for a day in court with biomom if she sleeps in the same room - especially with a step SON! JMO All that child has to say is "yes, I sat on step mom's bed" or something like that and I hope you have Michael Jackson's lawyer to clear you of molestation charges. .
Now that is absurd and sounds like an excuse to be honest. But I digress. Enjoy your night 
I agree. Now I have a step dd and when we all go away we all share a room. There are plenty of places for everyone to sleep when your away and being our children are 11,10,3 & 1 they sure can't have their own room. Also my step dtr's mom is married so they shouldn't go away and share a room because they are opposite sexes Also when dh and & I got together my ds was 4 and our 1st vacation we went away on my ds slept in our bed together, does that make me a sick mom? I sure don't think so. Infact my son is 10 as I mentioned and every so often if he gets scared he will come up and lay with us. What should I send him away? I am sorry you & your dh have such a hard relationship with your ss I truely am and I understand that you can only love your child being what you went through. However I love my step dtr and my 3boys and I am NO way trying to be her mother because she has one but I do feel I have a special bond with her and I would do anything for her as I would for my boys. For me it's very important for me to have a part of a life not only is she my dh's dtr she is my sons sister their big sister their only sister. In NO way do I consider half she is their sister and she should be a part of their lives and be able to attend everything we do as a family becuase to be honest we're not a family unless she's a part of it. My dh knows how important children are to me and he has never treated my son any less then a real son.
|
| Posted 8/21/08 11:30 PM |
| |
|
legallyblonde
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 850 total posts
Name:
K
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by my3boys
But see the orig. poster mentioned the step dtr loves her and she didn't mention anything about the sd treating her bad it ways more of the lines that she wants vacations alone not with his child and she doesn't want to be the one to get stuck with her. The orig. poster also mentioned down a little futher how she feels her dh pays the mom the money so she shoul be the one to do things with her.
Well that came across wrong. I don't mean that I don't want to do ANYTHING with her, I suggested smaller trips. I think I had digressed off the topic and was thinking of other things when I said her mother gets our income and should do everything with her. That was my poor wording on a message board.
We all have our own situations as step parents. I would love to have a good relationship with biomom but she does not share the same goal, which is unfortunate. By the same token the torture I endure at times causes me to be resentful of the situation. I'm not saying that's right or fair...I think the complete opposite but it's something I have to work on and everytime I'm there, I get knocked down again. So here we are...not wanting to do long "family" vacations.
|
| Posted 8/21/08 11:30 PM |
| |
|
KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
But why CAN'T he take her on a nice vacation? Doesn't he have a say in it? Doesn't SHE? At this point, you married a man with a child, you all are a family.
Listen, I am not in your shoes, but I think that you really need to think about a family dynamic. Yes, you and your DH should take nice vacas before you guys have kids, but can't you give up just ONE to spend with your SD?
And I don't think sharing a room is major thing unless it is MADE into one. We cruised with our DS on RCCL in January and were in the smallest class of rooms and we had a blackout curtain between the living area (where his pnp was) and the bed.
I sincerely hope that you step back from the situation and think about taking this FAMILY vacation.
Sorry to crash your board
|
| Posted 8/22/08 12:34 AM |
| |
|
dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
I just feel sad for the kids. They didnt ask for any of this and the tone being used by some of you is that they are partially to blame or just so negative towards them.
You all CHOOSE to get married. you had the choice here. They didnt get a say.
I think theres such a deeper issue here then the cruise. If you dont want to go thats one thing, but you and your DH obviously have a lot to work out as a family and maybe this will be the opening for that to happen.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 7:44 AM |
| |
|
Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by dm24angel
I just feel sad for the kids. They didnt ask for any of this and the tone being used by some of you is that they are partially to blame or just so negative towards them.
You all CHOOSE to get married. you had the choice here. They didnt get a say.
I think theres such a deeper issue here then the cruise. If you dont want to go thats one thing, but you and your DH obviously have a lot to work out as a family and maybe this will be the opening for that to happen.
ITA
I am also going to call my stepmother to thank her for being so wonderful to me and my siblings. She treats us as if we are her own children. I know how truly blessed I am to have her
|
| Posted 8/22/08 9:24 AM |
| |
|
1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
I am extremely disappointed to see how this tread has turned (or is taking a turn) towards the "judgmental side". Everyone needs to remember that this board is here so people who ARE stepparents can vent and/or speak freely with eachother about things that others do not really understand the situation with. am glad that some of you have wonderful relationships where the things you do are accepted by Biomom and dh and stepkids, but for others we find ourselves fighting an uphill battle every single day and find our lives effected by things we basically have no say in, and it is rough. I once was chastized by biomom for wearing a tank top in from of her 11yr old son. Please do not "judge" without trying to understand the persons individual situation.
And for those who feel that a young child is ENTITLED to go on a nice vacation with his or her dad ~ maybe you are right, but that doesn't mean that stepmom has to go too. And personally, I would rather cut off my arm (or quit my job) than spend 6K so that a 10 yr old could go to Antigua. For anyone who feels that any young child is ENTITLED to something like that, than I think you are part of the problem. CHildren (step or other) should get what they earn and not feel "entitled" to anything!
ETA ~ Yes, we did "choose" to marry men with children, but for some of us, our crystal balls were broken and never could have imagined or seen some of this crap coming... GOd bless if you don't know what I mean.
Message edited 8/22/2008 9:30:16 AM.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 9:28 AM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
are DH's friends bringing their kids on the cruise?
If yes, then I would bring my kid on a family cruise.
You can always sex it up while SD is at camp.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 9:28 AM |
| |
|
legallyblonde
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 850 total posts
Name:
K
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Yes, DH's friends are bringing their kids also. Regardless of whether SD was coming or not, I don't want to go. Spending 9 days on a boat with like 20 kids is not a vacation to me. Add SD into the mix and I might as well consider it work since I'm going to be the one doing her homework with her, picking her up from camp, getting her ready, etc. I could handle 3 or 4 days on a "family" vacation...but 9 days is very long. 9 days is a long vacay for me period...I get antsy.
I said in the beginning of my post that it was a vent and I realized I might come off as a jerk. Yes, I did marry a guy with a kid, yes I knew that before hand...but as 1sttimemom said as a step mom, you have no idea what can happen that you just cannot anticipate. Everyday I try to do the best that I can to be a good influence on SD and set a good example. I have made a lot of sacrifices for this child and I shouldn't have to be the only one in the relationship to make sacrifices. I love my SD but I cherish my time alone with DH. We both work a lot so I look forward to our time. If I don't feel like using my vacay time to spend with SD (or any other kids for that matter) for 9 days on a boat, then so be it. And if his one sacrifice next year is to save me from enduring 9 days on cruise ship, I'll be greatful.
As a PP said, this is a board for step moms to help each other. It's a place where we can go and talk to people that can understand. Those that are not in our shoes should not be coming on here, sharing your 2 cents and judging us b/c you honestly have no idea what it's like.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 10:16 AM |
| |
|
toni-mike
???????
Member since 10/07 1196 total posts
Name:
Toni
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by 1stimemom
I am extremely disappointed to see how this tread has turned (or is taking a turn) towards the "judgmental side". Everyone needs to remember that this board is here so people who ARE stepparents can vent and/or speak freely with eachother about things that others do not really understand the situation with. am glad that some of you have wonderful relationships where the things you do are accepted by Biomom and dh and stepkids, but for others we find ourselves fighting an uphill battle every single day and find our lives effected by things we basically have no say in, and it is rough. I once was chastized by biomom for wearing a tank top in from of her 11yr old son. Please do not "judge" without trying to understand the persons individual situation.
And for those who feel that a young child is ENTITLED to go on a nice vacation with his or her dad ~ maybe you are right, but that doesn't mean that stepmom has to go too. And personally, I would rather cut off my arm (or quit my job) than spend 6K so that a 10 yr old could go to Antigua. For anyone who feels that any young child is ENTITLED to something like that, than I think you are part of the problem. CHildren (step or other) should get what they earn and not feel "entitled" to anything!
ETA ~ Yes, we did "choose" to marry men with children, but for some of us, our crystal balls were broken and never could have imagined or seen some of this crap coming... GOd bless if you don't know what I mean.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 10:56 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Well, I don't know.... It's DH's kid. I once asked him why he was going out of his way to pick up my SD from somewhere for a few hours, and he asked me, "Wouldn't you do that for Cailen?"
And I realized, yes, I would.
If you would take your own child on vacation, then yes, he would wat to take his own child now. Sometimes its hard to see it that way, but the reality of marying a man with kids means that although the kid isn't around full time, they are going to be around for things like this....
|
| Posted 8/22/08 12:43 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
I just wanted to add that I grew up as a stepchild and I know I was resented most of the time too.... Its horrible....
|
| Posted 8/22/08 12:45 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
I agree
|
| Posted 8/22/08 12:48 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
And for those who feel that a young child is ENTITLED to go on a nice vacation with his or her dad ~ maybe you are right, but that doesn't mean that stepmom has to go too. And personally, I would rather cut off my arm (or quit my job) than spend 6K so that a 10 yr old could go to Antigua. For anyone who feels that any young child is ENTITLED to something like that, than I think you are part of the problem. CHildren (step or other) should get what they earn and not feel "entitled" to anything
I think the issue I had was "when we have kids and we go away, then the SS can come" and not thinking that this SS already has one parent going away... KWIM?
|
| Posted 8/22/08 12:52 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
I have wanted to post on this thread many many many times but didnt want to get involved in "drama" so I didnt
that being said I would like to publicly thank Melissa(my3boys) for being such a wonderful,caring and loving stepmother to my DD and friend to me
she has been sweet and generous and kind to her since day 1. She never treats my daughter as a burden or a problem she treats her as a daughter as family(as it should be)
This (plus the fact that she is a great person) has brought Her and I closer together I consider her a very very close friend.
Not everyone feels the way we feel but if it is possible its so much better to just get along for EVERYONE'S sake
Message edited 8/22/2008 5:25:33 PM.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 5:22 PM |
| |
|
anjerandunder
Positive thoughts worked!!!
Member since 6/06 1909 total posts
Name:
J
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
i completely understand you wanting to take a vacation alone with your dh. i'm with you 100% and dh and i have had many fights about it, but that being said..i have 4 stepkids and if there is a vacation being planned, we usually plan on taking them. dh and i have always made plans for one special vacation alone a year, usually around new years and then whatever else we plan, we like to bring the kids. you're part of your stepdaughter's life now and she is in yours so maybe 9 days isn't a good trip to start with but a long weekend to get used to it might be a good idea. you do need to get used to it though because she is dh's daughter. you wouldn't want him making plans and leaving your mutual child out of them when you decide to have one with him. good luck!
|
| Posted 8/22/08 6:40 PM |
| |
|
chelle
It's a Good Life
Member since 8/06 15404 total posts
Name:
Isn't it obvious?
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by KateDevine
you married a man with a child, you all are a family.
I think this pretty much sums it up.
F - A - M - I - L - Y
|
| Posted 8/22/08 7:21 PM |
| |
|
clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by MamaNDaddyof3
I have wanted to post on this thread many many many times but didnt want to get involved in "drama" so I didnt
that being said I would like to publicly thank Melissa(my3boys) for being such a wonderful,caring and loving stepmother to my DD and friend to me
she has been sweet and generous and kind to her since day 1. She never treats my daughter as a burden or a problem she treats her as a daughter as family(as it should be)
This (plus the fact that she is a great person) has brought Her and I closer together I consider her a very very close friend.
Not everyone feels the way we feel but if it is possible its so much better to just get along for EVERYONE'S sake
You are AWESOME... thank you even though you aren't thanking me as I'm not the s-mom in this case... it's so good to hear that a biomom could be so good and understanding of what most of us HAVE TRIED to do for our s-children. I wish you could have a chat with the one in my SS's life. I tried and tried and even fell in love with SS in the early years after I got over the fact I was in love with someone with a child, but was abused and threatened by a biomom who didn't know anything about me and wanted DH to suffer for leaving her... so now when you see my posts what you are seeing is the result of it all and unfortunately I find it impossible to have a relationship with my SS. I know there are a lot of victims in these scenerios, but I wanted to commend you - it takes a really good and strong woman, commited to her children to make a public statement like this. I wish we all had biomom's like you. The world would be a much better place - for all of us.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 10:58 PM |
| |
|
clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by 1stimemom
I am extremely disappointed to see how this tread has turned (or is taking a turn) towards the "judgmental side". Everyone needs to remember that this board is here so people who ARE stepparents can vent and/or speak freely with eachother about things that others do not really understand the situation with. am glad that some of you have wonderful relationships where the things you do are accepted by Biomom and dh and stepkids, but for others we find ourselves fighting an uphill battle every single day and find our lives effected by things we basically have no say in, and it is rough. I once was chastized by biomom for wearing a tank top in from of her 11yr old son. Please do not "judge" without trying to understand the persons individual situation.
And for those who feel that a young child is ENTITLED to go on a nice vacation with his or her dad ~ maybe you are right, but that doesn't mean that stepmom has to go too. And personally, I would rather cut off my arm (or quit my job) than spend 6K so that a 10 yr old could go to Antigua. For anyone who feels that any young child is ENTITLED to something like that, than I think you are part of the problem. CHildren (step or other) should get what they earn and not feel "entitled" to anything!
ETA ~ Yes, we did "choose" to marry men with children, but for some of us, our crystal balls were broken and never could have imagined or seen some of this crap coming... GOd bless if you don't know what I mean.
Yes, this was supposed to be for s-mom's to vent without judgement, but instead it appears we are being critisized by others who do not understand that again, we were not born hating the mother's of our s-kids nor do we actually hate our s-kids. There is so much DRAMA in most of our situations. To threaten a woman you don't know who wants to help b/c your ex husband left you (when you cheated on him) - that's just incomprehensible to some. I really have to say that one day when SS grows up I hope we can have a real candid conversation about it all... I tell him now "when you are 21 I'll by you a drink and we'll talk"... that's the best I can do. Maybe those who feel wronged by a s-mom should sit down as adults now and try to hear out their side, if they just resented you b/c you were there then fine, but there could be more to the story than the biomom admited to. You can't just assume they hated you for no reason. If I say ANYTHING to defend myself or DH I get threatened... she's coming to my house, she's going to take me to court, etc. All b/c I said to DH in front of SS that he should be able to spend time with his son and have fun. Anything we did with SS together that SS enjoyed biomom would freak out about. As soon as I stepped away and allowed DH to just go with SS to things, then all of a sudden the threats would stop and he'd get to see his son at least more than he does when he tells her I was present for something. I can't take abuse now... or threats... I have a little baby to think about. Granted her bark is bigger than her bite, but you don't know what will put people over the edge. I agree, if you have no idea what I'm talking about you are blessed.
All this being said, I don't think I will participate on this board any longer - unless it's a neutral topic. You can still find me on parenting mostly and one day back on pregnancy again and occassionally on other boards, but I just don't feel this is a "safe" place anymore. To all the STEP MOM'S - if you ever need to vent about ANYTHING, always feel free to FM me... I've been doing this with a few of you out there and it's so much better... only we can understand the situations we go through.
Message edited 8/22/2008 11:11:00 PM.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 11:08 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by clwp
You are AWESOME... thank you even though you aren't thanking me as I'm not the s-mom in this case... it's so good to hear that a biomom could be so good and understanding of what most of us HAVE TRIED to do for our s-children. I wish you could have a chat with the one in my SS's life. I tried and tried and even fell in love with SS in the early years after I got over the fact I was in love with someone with a child, but was abused and threatened by a biomom who didn't know anything about me and wanted DH to suffer for leaving her... so now when you see my posts what you are seeing is the result of it all and unfortunately I find it impossible to have a relationship with my SS. I know there are a lot of victims in these scenerios, but I wanted to commend you - it takes a really good and strong woman, commited to her children to make a public statement like this. I wish we all had biomom's like you. The world would be a much better place - for all of us.
thank you very much!!!!
the funny thing is that Melissa and I did NOT get along in high school (all 3 of us went to hs together) we actually fought in hs But we have gotten past that and have formed a friendship now
I remember in the beginning when my ex and his wife started dating and they would take dd out she would come home and would feel weird telling me she had fun with her because she could sense that we really werent friendly to eachother DD didnt want to hurt me by saying she liked her stepmom
thats when I realized how it affected DD and we fixed it ......since then we are all 1 crazy family and its GREAT!!!!!!
|
| Posted 8/22/08 11:15 PM |
| |
|
my3boys
I love these boys
Member since 7/07 2711 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by clwp
Posted by MamaNDaddyof3
I have wanted to post on this thread many many many times but didnt want to get involved in "drama" so I didnt
that being said I would like to publicly thank Melissa(my3boys) for being such a wonderful,caring and loving stepmother to my DD and friend to me
she has been sweet and generous and kind to her since day 1. She never treats my daughter as a burden or a problem she treats her as a daughter as family(as it should be)
This (plus the fact that she is a great person) has brought Her and I closer together I consider her a very very close friend.
Not everyone feels the way we feel but if it is possible its so much better to just get along for EVERYONE'S sake
You are AWESOME... thank you even though you aren't thanking me as I'm not the s-mom in this case... it's so good to hear that a biomom could be so good and understanding of what most of us HAVE TRIED to do for our s-children. I wish you could have a chat with the one in my SS's life. I tried and tried and even fell in love with SS in the early years after I got over the fact I was in love with someone with a child, but was abused and threatened by a biomom who didn't know anything about me and wanted DH to suffer for leaving her... so now when you see my posts what you are seeing is the result of it all and unfortunately I find it impossible to have a relationship with my SS. I know there are a lot of victims in these scenerios, but I wanted to commend you - it takes a really good and strong woman, commited to her children to make a public statement like this. I wish we all had biomom's like you. The world would be a much better place - for all of us.
She truely is a wonderful person and as I mentioned in an earlier post this is why I consider my self very lucky. I do know there are many other situations out there and not all are perfect especially being my son's bio dads girlfriend (for many yrs) is not such a very good step mom to the point my ds is not (does not) want to be anywhere near her. Therefore his dad can only see him when she is not around. It's very tough because it's not a lot. She has done many things in front of my son that were not appropriate (and I'm not a crazy x and making excuses my ds actually recorded it on his cell phone to show me  ) Maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to this I'm not sure. I feel I treat my sd very good and it hurts me to see that my ds's sorta step mom has no interst in him at all. Now his bio dad is a good dad but he should of made sure none of the stuff that happened happend and he know it that's is why he wont even ask for him to go around her. Anyhow, I'm sorry for all the step parents out there that have a horriable relationship with their step childs mom and hopefully down the road the bio parents will try to put the childrens best interest first.
|
| Posted 8/22/08 11:25 PM |
| |
|
justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
As a step child all I can say is this:
I agree with you that it's a long trip. As a teacher I don't think any child should be taken out of school for that long and especially at that point in the year but PLEASE try to remember this
The child YOUR SC didn't ask to be born
The child didn't ask for his/her parents to fall out of love
The child didn't ask to grow up in a "broken family"
The child didn't ask for someone else to brought into the mix that doesn't want them around.
The child is the innocent in all of this that has to 'suffer' for his/her parents decisions.
Again back the trip for the above reason I don't think your SC should go on the trip but I do think you guys should make a point to take your SC on a trip too.
|
| Posted 8/23/08 11:17 PM |
| |
|
justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Posted by my3boys
Posted by clwp
Posted by MamaNDaddyof3
I have wanted to post on this thread many many many times but didnt want to get involved in "drama" so I didnt
that being said I would like to publicly thank Melissa(my3boys) for being such a wonderful,caring and loving stepmother to my DD and friend to me
she has been sweet and generous and kind to her since day 1. She never treats my daughter as a burden or a problem she treats her as a daughter as family(as it should be)
This (plus the fact that she is a great person) has brought Her and I closer together I consider her a very very close friend.
Not everyone feels the way we feel but if it is possible its so much better to just get along for EVERYONE'S sake
You are AWESOME... thank you even though you aren't thanking me as I'm not the s-mom in this case... it's so good to hear that a biomom could be so good and understanding of what most of us HAVE TRIED to do for our s-children. I wish you could have a chat with the one in my SS's life. I tried and tried and even fell in love with SS in the early years after I got over the fact I was in love with someone with a child, but was abused and threatened by a biomom who didn't know anything about me and wanted DH to suffer for leaving her... so now when you see my posts what you are seeing is the result of it all and unfortunately I find it impossible to have a relationship with my SS. I know there are a lot of victims in these scenerios, but I wanted to commend you - it takes a really good and strong woman, commited to her children to make a public statement like this. I wish we all had biomom's like you. The world would be a much better place - for all of us.
She truely is a wonderful person and as I mentioned in an earlier post this is why I consider my self very lucky. I do know there are many other situations out there and not all are perfect especially being my son's bio dads girlfriend (for many yrs) is not such a very good step mom to the point my ds is not (does not) want to be anywhere near her. Therefore his dad can only see him when she is not around. It's very tough because it's not a lot. She has done many things in front of my son that were not appropriate (and I'm not a crazy x and making excuses my ds actually recorded it on his cell phone to show me ) Maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to this I'm not sure. I feel I treat my sd very good and it hurts me to see that my ds's sorta step mom has no interst in him at all. Now his bio dad is a good dad but he should of made sure none of the stuff that happened happend and he know it that's is why he wont even ask for him to go around her. Anyhow, I'm sorry for all the step parents out there that have a horriable relationship with their step childs mom and hopefully down the road the bio parents will try to put the childrens best interest first.
I you both for being mature and doing the right thing for all the children involved not just the one daughter.
|
| Posted 8/23/08 11:19 PM |
| |
|
hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Just need to vent (overly long...sorry)
Ive read through this thread and rather than quote one post imparticular Im going to try and sum it all up in one..
Let start by saying that I am a stepmother...a stepchild...and I am the bio mom...so I think I have a pretty good idea on how things can work & how things dont work.
Unless you are a stepparent you really dont have an idea of what it's like. Im not discrediting anyones opinions or anything...it's just honestly one of those things where you need to walk a mile in someones shoes before you can fully understand.
I'll admit that I was naive and thought that b/c I would treat them like my own we wouldnt have any problems. But the truth is that unless you are all...stepchildren, biomom, biodad, and stepmom..on the same page there is going to be conflict of some sort.
Most of us, I think, start off with the best of intentions. We try and try and try. For some of us we are welcomed with open arms by our stepchildren. This is usually when biomom is supportive or totally out of the picture...In a lot of cases that just isnt the deal....We try and try and try and yet no matter how much we show them we love them and care about them we get no where. After years of this you tend to give up. It's a process of trying then failing then trying again and failing again...it's like a marriage that is in trouble.
I know that for myself my biggest issue is that I have no control over my own life sometimes. No matter how much I try to make them feel like home here...how can I when biomom has drilled it into their heads that they DONT live here...all these years later and they are still guests in my home. (DH agrees with this) Well picture what it's like when you have guests over. It's a disruption of sorts isnt it? A difference in your daily routine. In my case my guests are always unexpected...biomom changes things up constantly so I can NEVER plan anything. (and I am so not a planner). Add that to the fact that biomom doesnt have any rules, they dont pick up after themselves, and have been raised to be a bit rude...(Im very big on manners and please and thankyous etc). I understand that this is also partly to blame on DH but I'll admit that it is hard to enforce these things when DC are only in your care part of the time....especially when biomom says that you dont have to listen to stepmom and biodad.
I totally understand about not wanting to go away with ones stepchildren. While I would love to take all the kids away somewhere it wouldnt be a vacation for me and it would be extremely stressful. As much as I love them, and a family vacation wouldnt feel the same without them, part of me would still prefer that they werent there.
I wish things were different and I didnt feel this way. I wish that our relationship was like the one that my DH has with my girls. It truly hurts me that our relationship is like this. I continue to try and make things right with them.....But as long as biomom does her PAS thing on them I can only hope that we all basicaly just get along and accept that.
Message edited 8/24/2008 11:36:50 AM.
|
| Posted 8/24/08 11:27 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 |
