Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

DS is almost 3. I work FT and also do PT early intervention/CPSE/CSE stuff in the evenings. I have very little time with him during the week so I feel like on the weekends I overcompensate and need to spend ALL my free time with him. If I don't, I get this horrible guilty feeling. Then...if DH does something for himself, I get mad/jealous - BUT its not really at him.
For example, DH will go to the gym every morning. i would like to go...but I feel if guilty if I miss any time with DS and by the time DS goes to bed I am exhausted. OR...DH will go out to play basketball with friends every week. I have been dying for a pedicure but will only go when DS is napping (which he has only done when I have been not home lately).
In addition, I occasionally (about 1x a month or so) go out with friends or occasionally (very infrequently) with DH but only after DS goes to sleep with is a PITA.
I am sorry this is so long. I guess what I am asking is how do you get past this feeling. I understand this was a feeling I was supposed to have when DS was an infant...but we are long past the infant stage and I still feel this way! Thanks for reading if you got this far!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

I always remember that I'm a better mom when I'm happy. And I'm not happy if I'm constantly worried about everyone else being happy before me. So I make sure to make the time to keep myself happy...and I know I'm not ruining my daughter because she's getting the best possible me!

And I work FT also....I leave the house before she wakes up, and usually have 2-3 hours with her after work before she goes to bed...so weekends are golden as well!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Don't feel bad. My daughters are 4 years and 8 months. The feeling has not gone away for me. I teach and my mom always tells me I am lucky because I have days and summers off. However, I still feel guilty when I do things without them. I'd love to go more often to get my hair done, or work out or do things fir me. But then I feel like the weekend is my time with them. So I totally understand how you feel!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Posted by Palebride

I always remember that I'm a better mom when I'm happy. And I'm not happy if I'm constantly worried about everyone else being happy before me. So I make sure to make the time to keep myself happy...and I know I'm not ruining my daughter because she's getting the best possible me!

And I work FT also....I leave the house before she wakes up, and usually have 2-3 hours with her after work before she goes to bed...so weekends are golden as well!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Posted by Palebride

I always remember that I'm a better mom when I'm happy. And I'm not happy if I'm constantly worried about everyone else being happy before me. So I make sure to make the time to keep myself happy...and I know I'm not ruining my daughter because she's getting the best possible me!

And I work FT also....I leave the house before she wakes up, and usually have 2-3 hours with her after work before she goes to bed...so weekends are golden as well!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

I am no help really because when I worked FT, I too RARELY did me stuff.

A lip wax maybe while he napped every 2 weeks

Pedicure? 3 since he was born

Even the last 8 months that I have been home with him, I still rarely do ME things...besides for the lack of $$$ ...because I feel like I NEED to be home with him while I can.

But you know where I go at night to get ME time....and always when he is sleeping! I love me some quiet shopping time in Target at 9pm But it still isn't the same.

Me spending 24/7 with Logan doesn't make me a better Mommy in any way......it makes me stressed because there is no real ME time.

Anyhow...what I really mean is if you need a break....you should not feel guilty. You work super hard. If you feel better with a break....then a better YOU makes a better MOMMY!!!

As soon as I am gainfully employed again we should do like a monthly pedicure outing!!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Don't have any advice since I could have written your post, so just want to send hugs of commiseration!

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

I see a really good maternal therapist that helps me with the guilt AND also with some anxiety. It seriously has done wonders for my dh and I!!! If you want her number fm me

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Working mommy guilt is something I struggle with on daily basis. I also work FT and while i sometimes work from home on Friday, when I am working at home I am still not spending quality time with DD as I am on conference calls and well working.

Similar to what you described my DH plays basketball one night a week and plays golf on the weekends. He loves DD to pieces but he won't give up the aforementioned (unless he has work events the other nights then he will skip bb or golf).

I started to resent him and it was making me cranky and thats when I decided I wasn't doing anyone any favors by resenting him. I now work out 4 times a week, two times after work right before I get home (I just do a quick 3 mile run) and on Saturday and Sunday mornings I leave at 730am which is right around the time she is waking up for longer runs. Since doing the runs it has made things better between us as I feel like I have my time and my DH gets to spend time with DD and then I get the rest of the day on the weekends with her. I think it also makes him understand how much work it is being alone with her (she is almost 11 months) and he is establishing a little routine with her which is important.

On the days I run after work I sometimes feel guilty because then it cuts out 30 mins of an already brief time I have with her after work but I remember the resentment I felt before I started this schedule far exceeeded the guilt and permeated into my relationship with DH which I also need to nurture if that makes sense.

I hope this helps a little.

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

I have my once a month peidicure and i go to the gym usually when they go to bed at night. sometimes i will go when they're still awake, but then it's a short trip since i want to put them to bed and kiss them good night. sometimes i need that time at the gym to just let it all out and then i feel so much better and it makes the guilt go away.

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by Palebride

I always remember that I'm a better mom when I'm happy. And I'm not happy if I'm constantly worried about everyone else being happy before me. So I make sure to make the time to keep myself happy...and I know I'm not ruining my daughter because she's getting the best possible me!

And I work FT also....I leave the house before she wakes up, and usually have 2-3 hours with her after work before she goes to bed...so weekends are golden as well!

I agree. That is why I have said that I have heard that YOU need to be first in your life. That does not mean you neglect your dh or children but if you are not happy, no one will be.
My children are older but I still feel bad going to the gym after dinner but before they go to bed. I know I shouldn't as they are fine but I think it is just a mom's guilt. BUT...I do have so much more energy to do things with them and have a clearer head to deal with things. I AM a better mother spending that hour in the gym.

Re: Kinda spinoff to the do you and DH go out post...How do you do things for yourself and get past mommy guilt?

I try to do things when he's asleep--work out while he's napping on weekends, after he goes to bed, etc. It's hard, but I don't want to feel like I chose between awake him and doing something for me.