Lack of grandparent involvement

Please don’t quote.

Anyone have parents or in-laws who just have nothing to do with DC? I know I posted in the past about my in-laws and their lack of involvement in DDs life. We had an argument and they basically took it out on DD and only saw her for an hour this entire year. That was while they lived here – they since moved OOS. I set the date for DDs birthday party back in December because I had to coordinate with my SIL for my niece’s birthday (days apart). I sent out the invites and MIL told DH they’re not going to be able to make it so she’s sending a gift card for us to get DD a gift from them. Seriously? This is her first birthday. She turns one only once. How do you not make it to your granddaughter’s first birthday? They have the means to travel here. Suddenly FIL is going to be away on business (even though they’ve known the date since December) and MIL can’t come on her own because of her dogs. They just completely disregard DD and my heart breaks for her. I know she will know my family and the family she doesn’t know won’t matter, but I just can’t wrap my head around their selfishness. They are the ones who lose out ultimately, but because I grew up with my grandmother, I just can’t help but feel sad for DD that she’ll never have that.

Re: Lack of grandparent involvement

Meh
My MIL missed her first and second bdays. The logic behind 1st bdays is lost on me so I guess I'll be that Grandmother later. 1st bday for me was a private (very private) thing. But my MIL is just so uninvovled its crazy. Even BEFORE we moved out of NY, my OOS father spent more time with my daughter than she did.

My father's mostly poor and he finds a way to visit my daugther every single year. His mom came down last year, uninvited, last minute, totally stressed me out type things. 4 days then left. And only saw AJ after work hours etc. I mean really?

Meh

Her loss. Thankfully she has my father and more importantly my aunt who dotes on her. I lose no sleep over it. I still point at her in photos and say "that's your grandmother" but do I care if she gets it or not? Nope. She's lucky her grandparents are alive, they are lucky she's here, if they can't see that then I don't give a darn. When my little girl grows up and people say things like "my grandmother this and that" and she has nothing, she can always say "my aunt" and "my grandfather"

Re: Lack of grandparent involvement

You know something - it's their loss. They are given opportunities to spend time with your LO and if they don't take advantage, there is nothing you can do about it. They are being petty and childish.

My FIL lives in FL and when DD turned 1 last year, he went back about a week before her b-day and party. Yeah - it's retarded and none of us understood why they couldn't stay the extra week (they are retired and just travel back and forth) but we weren't going to let it bother us too much. The most important thing is your LO and if the grandparents choose to act this way, don't let it affect your LO. There are other people in your lives that will cherish your child and give them love.

Re: Lack of grandparent involvement

It used to bother me that she didn't want to be bothered - that they were priority #200 on her list - AND she lives 10 minutes away, and doesn't work .......

You know what? I don't particularly like her - I don't like the way she treats my husband, and she is passive-agressive and manipulative - So, I've decided that my kids are better off w/o her.

Let her show up for an hour once every 6 weeks or so ......I am done practically begging her to spend time with her grandchildren.

For some odd reason, she only wants to be with them if DH and I are not around, and that makes me uncomfortable - We used to invite her over for dinner and such, and she would always decline - She NEVER includes us in dinner even though BIL and SIL are there all the time (most of the time after having spend the day at OUR house to see the kids !!!)

So, I let DH ask her to babysit maybe 2x a year as a total LAST resort - I let her stop over on the rare ocassion that she actually shows some interest - I NEVER EVER deny her access to the kids ........she's included in major holidays and family events - but I absoluetly under no circumstances go out of my way to invite her or build a relationship w/ them for her .......

What DOES ENRAGE me, however, is that fact that she plays
A. the victim - making my husband and I out to be the a$$holes - I can just hear her boo - hooing to my BIL about how she doesn't see the boys
B. the fact that when she does see them, it's one of two extremes
She's either the all knowing doting Grandma, acting as if she sees them 3x a week and knows all there is to know about them, or, she practically ignores them (Which she did @ Colin's 1st BDay party - she came late, left early and barely acknowleged either of them - EVEN when Colin spent a good 45 min hanging out in the arms/laps of HER sisters !!)

So, long story short - it doesn't matter -
It's not your job to make sure she has a relationship w/ your kids - it's hers.
As they get older they will form their own opinions of her, and they will be just as indifferent toward her as she is toward them - HER loss !!

Re: Lack of grandparent involvement

I have a similar situation to marisaK

Message edited 6/11/2012 9:05:02 PM.

Re: Lack of grandparent involvement

Thanks ladies. It's helpful to hear from others in similar situations.