lending/borrowing with friends.....

So, I have this one friend who, for years, has asked to borrow things. Anything from shoes to jewelry to dresses to clothes to bags, etc. If she has an event to go to, the first thing she does is hit me (and I’m sure her other friends) up to borrow stuff for it. She never takes care of what she borrows, she’s lost, ruined, spilled, gotten it dirty, ripped, even got into a fight and got blood on a shirt she borrowed from someone once, and other things. Then on top of that she NEVER returns anything.

It’s soo frustrating to deal with.

AND she even asks for basic things sometimes … like a black dress or black strappy sandals… things that if she just went out and bought she would get a lot of use out of.
She’s the type of person that will come to my house and say “I’m really cold, it’s cold out and I forgot to wear a sweater, can I borrow one?” And you are put on the spot. I try to give her my OLD stuff that I don’t care much about anymore. But even that wears on my patience.

Does this happen with anyone else??? Please tell me I’m not the only one with a friend like this! And if so, how do you handle it?

I want to politely tell her that I don’t like lending things out to anyone (mainly her really but overall anyone, unless there’s a specific reason for it and I can trust the person) but after ALL THESE years it’s hard for me to figure out how to say that to her. Mainly it’s because it’s gone on since we were kids and it was OK then.


Would this annoy any of you??

Message edited 6/18/2010 11:01:35 AM.

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

WOW thats annoying!

I haven't borrowed an item of clothing (except from my sissies) since like high school!

Who does that????

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

I don't know anyone who does that but it does sound aggravating...

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

It would totally annoy me...but after the second time she ruined something or neglected to return it, I would have zero problem saying no. I understand accidents happen and people spill things, but when it becomes a pattern its time for you to stop lending things out to her.

If she asked why, I'd say exactly why--you never returned my sweater, you broke my sandals, you spilled wine on my white blouse, you got blood on my dress--so NO!!

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

I don't know why you would let her borrow your stuff after she continuously ruins/lost items. You're pretty much reinforcing bad behavior...

Message edited 6/18/2010 11:15:26 AM.

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Message edited 6/18/2010 11:18:24 AM.

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

I don't know anyone like that but if they ruined/lost/didn't return something 1x, shame on her...since it's a pattern - I hate to say it but becomes shame on you.

She's cold, lend her an old, REALLY crappy sweatshirt & make her take it off when she leaves.

edited - just read that you don't lend stuff out anymore, good for you. Maybe just tell her to stop asking. That you adore her but mooching off others & not being respectful of their things is disrespectful to the friendship.

Message edited 6/18/2010 11:20:01 AM.

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

next time she askes... say no.. and when she questions why... tell her you ruined the last thing you borrowed... and i cant keep replacing my stuff....

take her shopping and suggest she buy things that she always borrows....

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You have to teach people how to treat you sometimes.

Think about it. She has NO problem putting you on the spot and making you feel like crap.

Why should YOU feel abd about politly saying you dont lend things out anymore.

You can be kind and nice about it. If she gets angry that is HER CHOICE.

You should take controll again. HER reaction is her problem, not your. ESPECIALLY since she does not take care of your stuff.

Re: lending/borrowing with friends.....

I would give her one of DH's old flannels if she was cold. I bet she wouldn't walk out with that.