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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
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Let's discuss this scenario....
There is a person in my family that was working in the mortgage industry for about 5 years. She got preggo & married a guy she worked with. They bought a very average house in a desirable area with $$$ taxes at the height of the market & they were under pressure because she was very pregnant. Her DH is not from LI & is horrified at what they pay to live here. She has never lived anywhere else & her DH tells her she lives in a bubble. She has been complaining that although her DH is a great salesman, lately he can't close any of the deals on his desk because the banks won't write them. She doesn't work since having the baby.
So they just came back from a trip to N.C. & TN.
Low & behold she can't believe what 300k can buy down there. They are thinking of moving.
Problem is there are at least ten homes for sale in their tiny neighborhood, most of them have been listed for 6 months plus. Some of them are much bigger/newer/better but all are listed at 60k-100k less then what she paid & they still aren't selling. Oh and they have an 100% financed IO, and they have started paying down principle yet.
Now I'm pretty sure with their connections in lending they could probably do some crazy bridge loan then take a HELOC on the new house to pay back the difference they owe on the house up here. But in all seriouness, even she admits they would have to sell it for about 100k less than they paid if they wanted it to sell quick so they could move.
I don't think he will have much better luck getting lenders to write crappy loans down there as opposed to here, but I guess he can get a job in the industry.
Here's the interesting part of this.
She is my husband's ex-wife & mother of his daughter. We have been looking at acreage in TN for over a year. Even if we bought it now we wouldn't move down there until SD goes to college-5 years. Also my son is not 100% settled as an adult yet & I would not just leave him here. Additionally my Mom has 3 years left till she can max out her retirment package & I'm not moving w/o my Mom & my grandma.
Lastly, I'm not selling MY house in a fire sale during the lull of the market because they want to go now.
We are actually trying to buy more real estate up here so when we are ready we have plenty to sell & we would have no mortgage there.
If I sell my house now I wouldn't get the highest price either(although we would make a nice chunk). We would still have a motgage & need to work as much as we work here.
None of us have the kinds of corporate careers that would equal the same money down there.
But I know they want out of here because things are getting too hard.
Technically she can't take SD w/her because she & my DH have joint custody. SD is TOTALLY opposed to changing schools of course.
So am I a bad guy for not wanting to change my whole plan & pick up & move now?
Opinions? Advice?
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Posted 4/6/07 7:38 AM  |
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Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource | Long Island Weddings |
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
I do not think you are a bad person at all. All your reasons are valid ones and it seems like the longest you need to wait is 5 years. I think if your son isn't settled yet in 5 years then it doesn't hurt for him to get settle in another part of country if he wants to. As far as your DH's ex, it seems to me like he isn't trying hard enough to close those loans because he wants to move, I could be wrong though because I am not in that industry. But out of 10 loans and he can't close one sounds odd to me. I don't think I could take that kind of loss on a house and if I needed to go back to work I would. I am a SAHM and even though I didn't want to go back to work in the back of my mind I always prepared myself that I might have to go next month.
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:07 AM |
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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
My DH isn't the type to let his daughter live in another state & he's also not the kind to start a huge custody battle. He would be more willing to give in for his daughter's sake.
When we started looking down there we had no idea they would want to move too. We just figured if Sd was away at college it wouldn't matter all that much. She would visit during breaks.
Now this makes it so we'd all have to move within driving distance & I'm not even considering N.C.
The amount of land I want is too expensive there.
I'm freaking out a little because I know they are serious about moving.
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:25 AM |
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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
and where are the opions of the other 50 people that read this so far?
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:26 AM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
this is real hard place to be in!
I wouldnt change my plans for anyone...especially her!!! 
If the price of the land is good now....get it but dont plan on moving for 5 years as planned!!
BTW...my cousin is a realtor in Franklin TN (near Nashville). let me know if you want his contact info. maybe he can get you some good land listings. 
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:30 AM |
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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Posted by Lisa
this is real hard place to be in!
I wouldnt change my plans for anyone...especially her!!!
If the price of the land is good now....get it but dont plan on moving for 5 years as planned!!
BTW...my cousin is a realtor in Franklin TN (near Nashville). let me know if you want his contact info. maybe he can get you some good land listings.
Oh Lisa send me his email address or a link to a website....I have a couple of REAs I work with now-but I'd rather go through your cousin!
We are looking near nashville, but not too close because I want it to be really rural. My good friend is moving Nashville soon & will rent for a bit but then wants to buy a house.
Can you believe the crap I go through?
Its always something
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:34 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
ever hear the expression "you have to live your life"? well, nuff said  I wouldn't move until I was good & ready!
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| Posted 4/6/07 8:51 AM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
I come from a divorced family and I can say 100% if my dad was moving to another state my mom would not pick up and follow him. It seems like his daughter would be most happy staying where she is with you, until she goes away to school. She will probably have to choose staying here or going with her mom, and that is a hard age to be moving. I say stick with your plan and go when you are ready, I think his daughter will appreciate the stability.
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| Posted 4/6/07 9:22 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
And if she decides in a year or two that Tennessee isn't the place for her, what then? You have a plan and you should stick to it. As you state, she can't just arbitrarily move your step-daughter out of state because of the joint custody arrangement and no court would alter that. Your husband has rights and needs to exercise them. I wouldn't worry too much anyway. With the way the market is right now, it doesn't appear that she will be going anywhere anytime soon.
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| Posted 4/6/07 9:29 AM |
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TheLorax
LOVE
Member since 2/06 5581 total posts
Name:
Suzanne / SuzBride
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
ever hear the expression "you have to live your life"? well, nuff said I wouldn't move until I was good & ready!
I agree. You are doing what is right for you and your children, and I think that is what is most important.  Don't feel pressured into doing something that you aren't ready to do (and that this might not be the best time to do due to the housing market) for someone else.
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| Posted 4/6/07 9:34 AM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
i must say... every reaon you gave for not moving right away, makes me think that you've done your homework. you're obviously not moving in an "emotional" way, the way dh's ex does.
she wants to move because she's emotional right now, you're putting all your ducks in a row before you move.
my $.02: don't change your plans because of her emotional roller-coaster.
hth
best of luck to you
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| Posted 4/6/07 9:37 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
No, you aren't a bad guy, you seem to have all of your plans well thought out and your reasons for waiting a few years are valid ones. You have given a lot of thought to the situations/feelings of those close to you in making the plans as well. Your DH's ex's plans seem to be more on a whim.
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| Posted 4/6/07 10:07 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Are you prepared to have SD live with you? I think if she is determined to move South, and you DH is not willing to let SD leave, you may have to have her move in, if the mom is willing to do that.
I don't think you should have to move because of bad decisions that the ex has made. The one who will suffer the most if she leaves is your SD who has no control over the situation. It's a tough situation. Good luck to you and your family.
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| Posted 4/6/07 10:57 AM |
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ckone
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3014 total posts
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Not at all. It's a really hard situation. i have a friend whose ex moved to FL. He would have to pay for them to fly up and down.
I totally think that if they are going to move and need to then they should. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about there finances and what they have to sell for what....but that's just an aside.
If you have a life and don't want to move then your hubby and his ex have to come up with an agreement. There's more to this than just selling or not. I can't imagine that he would want you to uproot yourselves for them.
I don't really want to get into the dynamic issues since it's not that type of board but the real issue is what to do with the DC and how to divide the year. He has to let them go-there's too much.
Message edited 4/6/2007 11:29:18 AM.
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| Posted 4/6/07 11:26 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
I feel like some are missing the point here. The whole issue is the proximity of your DH to his daughter. I think you should let him take the reins on this one and be so proud of him for standing by his child which many divorced men don't do. Good lcuk whatever you decide.
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| Posted 4/6/07 12:03 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
First off, your DH should be applauded for being so involved with his daughter.
That being said, there are other joint custody arrangements that could be made...as in she could spend school years up here (the schools are better) and summers with her mom or vice versa.
I would definitely not change your plans for this woman. Only because they don't seem to make smart financial decisions and you don't want to get caught up in that. Better for your SD to see the stability you provide and learn from that.
Good luck with your decision.
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| Posted 4/6/07 12:16 PM |
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MrsT
Enjoying wedded bliss.....
Member since 4/06 1323 total posts
Name:
Katrina
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
This sounds so familiar except it's with my step-son (6 years out from college)and his mom wants to move to Florida. They live in NJ (down the street from her mom) but the other family is in Florida. Her mom is retiring and planning to move back and she intends to go back to Florida with her mom.
You are not wrong at all. I absolutely would not sell my house at a cut rate price to pick and and move to coincide with the ex's plans.
DH has come to terms with it that if his son moves to Florida that DH or his son will be traveling back & forth to Florida for visits. My SS wants to come to live with us right now but his mom says no....he must wait until he is 18. SS does not want to move to Florida at all. That may be the best option for you and DH - to have SD live with you while the ex's tries out TN or NC.
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| Posted 4/6/07 5:02 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
I wouldnt move for her or anyone, your not being selfish. No one told her to pay top dollar for her house in a rush! Do whats right for you and your family!
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| Posted 4/6/07 5:15 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
I wouldnt move. You have your own children to think about and you will eventually be willing to move. You need to make a comprimise that you will all move in X number of years. Something you are all comfortable with.
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| Posted 4/7/07 7:50 AM |
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
You are not wrong at all, but honestly, I have not seen people having to take losses of $60,000 to $100,00K on houses on LI. It may not come to that.
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| Posted 4/9/07 12:11 AM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Posted by Seles81
As far as your DH's ex, it seems to me like he isn't trying hard enough to close those loans because he wants to move, I could be wrong though because I am not in that industry. But out of 10 loans and he can't close one sounds odd to me. .
I just want to comment on this- this has been the worst year ever in the mortgage business
subprime loans were our bread and butter-my DH has over 5 years experince in the industry and is a VP- he just closed his first loan of the year!
it's not for lack of trying- over 20 lenders have gone out of business- he has had banks reject loans for no good reason- it's been a rough year so far
and companies that did not anticipate these changes are screwed- my DH's company did and they are set up very nicely now to do FHA loans and bank them themselves- otherwise my DH was leaving the industry
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| Posted 4/9/07 10:14 AM |
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Hi-Fi55
12 years...wow....
Member since 2/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Dianne
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Re: Let's discuss this scenario....
Posted by ssdbk
You are not wrong at all, but honestly, I have not seen people having to take losses of $60,000 to $100,00K on houses on LI. It may not come to that.
I agree. That seems like a big loss to take on your home.
About your DH. Though I commend him for wanting to be with his daughter, you both have to move when you are both ready. If one of you wants to leave and the other stay, you could have feelings of resentment and you wouldn't want to start a new life somewhere else with those feelings.
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| Posted 4/9/07 11:16 AM |
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