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MsMBV
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Manners..... silly question of the day
It seems though that it is becoming less important in society for people to have "manners." Do you think that they are coming down to a level where it is realistic (meaning that the "old" manners were over the top), or that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
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Posted 4/17/07 10:51 AM  |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
I think it's mostly this...and I include myself in this pile.
Posted by MsMBV
that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
but it's not really on purpose. I think somehow, with "womens lib" these things went by the wayside.
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| Posted 4/17/07 10:53 AM |
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diva7531
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Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Ophelia
I think it's mostly this...and I include myself in this pile.
Posted by MsMBV
that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
but it's not really on purpose. I think somehow, with "womens lib" these things went by the wayside.
I have to agree!
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| Posted 4/17/07 10:54 AM |
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MsMBV
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Ophelia
I think it's mostly this...and I include myself in this pile.
Posted by MsMBV
that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
but it's not really on purpose. I think somehow, with "womens lib" these things went by the wayside.
Interesting connection. But do you think it is an inter-gender thing, or society in general?
I mean I can see about holding doors open & that sort of thing relating to Women's lib, but I see men go after each other for a seat on the train as if their life depends on it.....
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| Posted 4/17/07 10:56 AM |
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tourist
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by MsMBV
It seems though that it is becoming less important in society for people to have "manners." Do you think that they are coming down to a level where it is realistic (meaning that the "old" manners were over the top), or that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
Ooh! I like this one!
I mostly think people are rude & apathetic & I would love to see a return of more formality, but in a way, I think that we could not maintain all of the old manners & standards while continuing to strive for social equality.
For example, I think if I had to call my boss, Mr. M. . . all the time, instead of Chris, it would definitely change our working relationship, but perhaps that is only because that is not the current norm.
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| Posted 4/17/07 10:57 AM |
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Shorty
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really
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Not only are people lazy, but people are out for themselves more than ever. They have that "What'd she ever do for ME - I don't owe her" attitude.
Frankly, it disgusts me.
Friggen smile and say thank you - ITS NOT THAT HARD!!
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| Posted 4/17/07 10:59 AM |
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Wendy
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Shorty
Not only are people lazy, but people are out for themselves more than ever. They have that "What'd she ever do for ME - I don't owe her" attitude.
Frankly, it disgusts me.
Friggen smile and say thank you - ITS NOT THAT HARD!!
Totally agree!!
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:00 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
I think "proper" society revolved around women, and the way you treat/address a woman and her family.
if you look at the difference between, say the east coast and the west coast during the Gold Rush, there was NO type of proper societyon the west coast, and that was b/c of the lack of women.
and the women that were there were either prostitutes, and/or arse kicking women...the way most women fancy themselves to be today...but more 'manly" than "womanly"
when women fought to gain equality, they got their hands dirty...got ballsy..and had to drop some of the pretense...and soon, we were being taught to fight and make sure we were treated as "equals" instead of the proper way to word an invite, or pour high tea.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:01 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Shorty
Not only are people lazy, but people are out for themselves more than ever. They have that "What'd she ever do for ME - I don't owe her" attitude.
Frankly, it disgusts me.
Friggen smile and say thank you - ITS NOT THAT HARD!!
I agree with you!! It's sad that the stand outs now are people that say thank you and not rude people anymore.
Although...Last week I was trying coming out of a store and 5 people walked in while I was waiting. Finally someone held the door open (it opened out) so I can escape and someone else just walked through like she was the queen.  The nice lady that held the door & chuckled as I said thanks and she said you're welcome.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:03 AM |
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MsMBV
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Ophelia
I think "proper" society revolved around women, and the way you treat/address a woman and her family.
if you look at the difference between, say the east coast and the west coast during the Gold Rush, there was NO type of proper societyon the west coast, and that was b/c of the lack of women.
and the women that were there were either prostitutes, and/or arse kicking women...the way most women fancy themselves to be today...but more 'manly" than "womanly"
when women fought to gain equality, they got their hands dirty...got ballsy..and had to drop some of the pretense...and soon, we were being taught to fight and make sure we were treated as "equals" instead of the proper way to word an invite, or pour high tea.
I see, and of course this is trickling down into the younger generations...
So here's my next question....what about the other societies in the world where women are actually granted more equality than here & they manage to balance manners & teaching their children manners?
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:05 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by Ophelia
I think "proper" society revolved around women, and the way you treat/address a woman and her family.
if you look at the difference between, say the east coast and the west coast during the Gold Rush, there was NO type of proper societyon the west coast, and that was b/c of the lack of women.
and the women that were there were either prostitutes, and/or arse kicking women...the way most women fancy themselves to be today...but more 'manly" than "womanly"
when women fought to gain equality, they got their hands dirty...got ballsy..and had to drop some of the pretense...and soon, we were being taught to fight and make sure we were treated as "equals" instead of the proper way to word an invite, or pour high tea.
I see, and of course this is trickling down into the younger generations...
So here's my next question....what about the other societies in the world where women are actually granted more equality than here & they manage to balance manners & teaching their children manners?
honestly, I think it has to do with the view of "femininity" here.
in certain societies, a women can be strong, take care of her family, but can also be soft, and still be taken seriously.
here, if a women maintains a certain sense of formality...she is labeled as old-fashioned, or "girly" or "putting on airs"
and women are usually more apt to do it than men are. b/c we see it as weakness.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:10 AM |
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jxnoscar
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
I may have to disagree. While I do agree we don't have the manners of maybe 100 years ago, we also do not have the ridiculous formalities either.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:11 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
I dont think manners come from society, I think they are learned in the home. When we were growing up, this may be to the extreme, but my grandma used to have the theme days, how to get in and out of a car, what utensils to use at a dinner, she would make us walk with books on our heads for posture. We were taught to say please and thank you, when you call someone you introduce yourself. things are learned if you have dont see it you wont learn it. I do these things to this day, thank god I had those lessons. It has to this day helped me, and I plan on passing it to my kids, ( ok maybe no books on the head but still). JMO
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:17 AM |
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Maathy317
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Ophelia
I think it's mostly this...and I include myself in this pile.
Posted by MsMBV
that people are lazy, or just rude & apathetic to others?
but it's not really on purpose. I think somehow, with "womens lib" these things went by the wayside.
I don't, necessarily, agree with the women's lib theory. I have seen pregnant women pushed aside so another woman can get to a certain thing first. I have seen elderly people yelled at because they were holding up a line. I have seen adults talk to children like they were less than nothing. I have seen children talk to adults like they were garbage. I have had doors slammed in my face by men, women and children. Manners, in our society, are going the way of the horse and buggy. There has been a steady decline and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. As a whole, we don't seem to think they are important and, if we think that, than we are not inclined to teach our children. It's just a sad commentary on today's society.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:21 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Ophelia
when women fought to gain equality, they got their hands dirty...got ballsy..and had to drop some of the pretense...and soon, we were being taught to fight and make sure we were treated as "equals" instead of the proper way to word an invite, or pour high tea.
Not sure I agree with this, because I feel like I was taught by my mom and other women in my family that I could do whatever I put my mind to, but was also taught manners, common courtesey and respect for my elders. I work in a male dominated profession and I do see that sometimes men try to treat me as less than an equal, but it is not that often. I find that I am treated with respect because of my intelligence, how I conduct myself and how I treat others.
I think that the density of population in an area affects manners. I have lived in other areas that were more rural, or just less densely populated and I think people had better manners. Somtimes I think we are so crowded together in an area like ours that it grates on people and they lose patience. I think things like road rage, fighting in parking lots and on public transportation are much worse in larger metro areas.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:52 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by dpli
Posted by Ophelia
when women fought to gain equality, they got their hands dirty...got ballsy..and had to drop some of the pretense...and soon, we were being taught to fight and make sure we were treated as "equals" instead of the proper way to word an invite, or pour high tea.
Not sure I agree with this, because I feel like I was taught by my mom and other women in my family that I could do whatever I put my mind to, but was also taught manners, common courtesey and respect for my elders.
the thing about me, is, I am not even sure if I agree with it either. I am just speculating...making conjecture.
I also think people are "nicer" and "more polite" in other areas...the south and midwest especially (although their "niceness" also scares the bejesus out of me  ) though I must say that in NYC there are so many people that were born and raised elsewhere, and they are just as rude if not ruder than people born and bred here.
anyway, my point about women's lib was more about timing the "decline"...perhaps there was also more marked increase in the number of transplants to urban areas around the same time...I don't know. but it's interesting.
Message edited 4/17/2007 11:58:29 AM.
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| Posted 4/17/07 11:57 AM |
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
Posted by Shorty
Not only are people lazy, but people are out for themselves more than ever. They have that "What'd she ever do for ME - I don't owe her" attitude.
Frankly, it disgusts me.
Friggen smile and say thank you - ITS NOT THAT HARD!!
 ITA!!! Well said!
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| Posted 4/17/07 12:00 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
i've read every response and i agree with most.
my reply will be filled with a bit of rambling, because a lot is going through my mind to answer this question...
some who didn't exactly agree with the women's lib theory, stated that they were taught manners by the women in their family.
the theory about the density of the population also carries merit, i've seen it in different parts of the country and world and it's better where people aren't so crammed.
i did see a piece on tv about how more and more people were taking "manners" classes to better compete for jobs. i found that interesting.
i remember watching the very first episode of "honey, we're killing the kids" (it was/is a reality show on the effects of how families are feeding/killing their kids)... in that episode, the children took a class on proper behavior at the dinner table. i've been seriously thinking that i want to sign up my son and husband (and me) for this, because God knows, they are pigs at the trough at dinner time.
ok, with all i said, i didn't "answer" the question.
my answer: i don't know what's caused it, but it's a very sad thing that the elderly and pregnant women have to stand on the bus/train while "young" strong people sit.
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| Posted 4/17/07 12:23 PM |
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Sweetpea130000
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Shandra
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
There has definitely been a decline in manners though I am not sure when it happened. Sadly, I was shocked when being 6 months PG I was offered a seat on a bus. Mind you, I was the one to get up when an elderly couple got on the bus instead of the seemingly (and i say that b/c i don't know if there is actually something wrong with them) healthy people left their butts in the chair.
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| Posted 4/17/07 12:55 PM |
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MsMBV
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Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
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Me
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Re: Manners..... silly question of the day
So do most of us agree that the decline is negatively affecting our society? If we can concur, what the heck do we do about it?
DH & I came from very different bckgrounds, and this is why this question is even in my head to begin with. I was raised very formally by an OTB English woman & an OTB Italian man. DH has had very loose "training" in the way of manners, and is even frightened to go out to dinner to "fancy" restaurants b/c if there is more than one fork or spoon he breaks out in cold sweats.
He is chivalrous, and respects women, children, the elderly, the infirmed, etc... but he cannot engage in formal conversation b/c they NEVER practiced it.
He sometimes sees my manners as snobbery, but really I think it is a way to let others know that you respect them. I dunno, I just don't want it to be an issue when I teach out kids. I will teach them the same manners & courtesies I learned.
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| Posted 4/17/07 12:55 PM |
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