"mean girl" kinda spinoff...

I have always taught my daughters to be nice and kind to others. As they get older Im starting to feel like I have done them a disservice by teaching them so well.

Any one?

Re: "mean girl" kinda spinoff...

My older son is the same way, but I don't regret it at all. I would rather have confidence that he is never going to be the bully or the one who picks on someone to feel better about himself.

Then again, thus far he hasn't ever been the target of a bully or anyone really mean. I do try to teach him to stand up for himself but only time will tell if he is too "nice" to do it.

Re: "mean girl" kinda spinoff...

Re: "mean girl" kinda spinoff...

Sometimes I think I've sheltered my daughter from too much. She is so not street smart at all. She is very mature in some ways but is totally naive. But in my opinion you're supposed to be naive at 13 -- even though I know times are different now. I just don't want her to get hurt, but I know at some time it happens to everyone.

I remember once I read something Heather Locklear said in an interview after she had her daughter. She said something to the effect "it's like having your heart running around with arms and legs." So true.

Message edited 6/24/2010 9:59:14 PM.

Re: "mean girl" kinda spinoff...

You did no disservice to your girls. You are not teaching them to be ‘popular’ or how to ‘fit in’ – you are teaching them to be women – to be good human beings.

Will they be pressured to ‘make fun of’ this girl or that? Is it easier to fall into snarky, mean spirited humor in an effort to fit in? Sure. But those are defining moments. That’s when they either hear YOUR voice and say “No.. that’s not what I was taught.”- or they cave under pressure and do what they feel will get them to be more accepted. It seems clear to me that your voice is the one that is winning. And that is something to be proud of. It means they respect you. It means that what you have given them MEANS something to them.

As to what to the other parents teach their kids? Maybe the same that you do – but less effectively for some reason. Kids want to be liked. Some crave it more than others. Noah – isn’t willing to compromise (yet) to be popular. Robbie has challenges though.. he is very popular and hates the idea of losing that. He is still trying to figure out how to be the arbiter of ‘cool’ instead of following the leaders. He sometimes feels that if he doesn’t behave in certain ways he might lose his position as one of the guys. I try to tell him that this behavior makes him a FOLLOWER and not a leader.. but since other kids look up to him he sometimes just doesn’t get it. It’s not an easy lesson to teach. I just keep working at it. I want so badly for him to just hear me and not the voices of the other kids who feel like in order to be on top someone needs to be at the bottom.

Honestly – it doesn’t end when you are an adult. People love to say nasty things about other people – I think it just gets ‘sneakier’ when you grow into adulthood. That snide humor, making fun of someone else – the sarcasm and snark that we all prize deeply is all over the place still.


I don't know Heather.. it's a slippery slope. I think your girls are evidence of parenting done right though.. and no matter how tough it might be for them now.. it's only going to make them STELLAR individuals later.