Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Medical humor
Only in a hospital will you find this kind of
humor.....
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I
was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly. left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large
letter on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body!
Since incident, the instructions now include removal
of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
"So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was
quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams.
To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed
a habit of whistling.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Colonoscopy humor:
A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no
man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there
yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
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