Mil issues...really need to vent!!

My mil is really something else, very controlling, she is never nice to her son! Always telling him what to do and what he does wrong!

This weekend topped the icing on the cake. My mil has a few dogs. My daughter loves dogs!! But, one dog has nipped other people on occasion. My mil refuses to admit to it! It's a constant battle between my dh and mil.

The dog was all over my dd. My dh nicely tries to put the dog outside, and tells her the dog nips. My mil, yells at him "Your paranoid, and Shut Up!" He reiterates, mom the dog nips. She yells "Your a liar!"As my dh put him aside my mil proceeds to scream "You are an As*h***!"

I just wanted to get up and leave. I almost said I can't have you talking this way in front of our dd. I sat there is shock!

She was actually holding my dd hands, at the time, walking with her, as the other large dogs tail is hitting my daughter in the face. My mil said "oh her tail is hitting her in the face" like it's amusing my mil. All of a sudden my daughter gets fussy, I"m sure from the tail hitting her in the face and all the yelling. my mil yells annoyed with dd "Go to your mother!" She could not be bothered with fussiness.

I know my daughter is to young to understand, but she must feel the stress. Even worse, my fil will tell me let it go in one ear and out the other. He wouldn't expect the same talk from his friends or employees. Why do we have to put up with it!

I know my dh has only one mother but is this something we should have to listen to?

I am in such a tough position and don't know what to do! I don't see the situation getting any better.

Please don't quote me on any of this in case I have to delete it

Message edited 10/24/2007 9:43:41 AM.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

That is a tough one. It sounds like DH is on your side on this one which is a good start. If it were me I would visit less. Maybe she will get the point?!?! Good Luck with the situation

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

You MIL sounds in some ways like mine.

First, dogs are animals and no matter how sweet they seem, they can snap at any moment. If you don't feel comfortable with the dogs, tell your MIL that your feelings have to be respected or you will not be going to her house. All visits will have to be at your house!

Second, the cursing thing is something i am going through right now with my MIL and DH. Someone once posted something on here about kids not knowing how bad the words are but being able to feel the emotions with which they are said.

Everyone always tells me that i am the Mommy and i have to decide what environment i want my child to grow up in. If people can't act appropriately, you need to remove your child from the situation. Just state how you feel as fact and be very calm when you speak. It will be ok.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

sounds like you are definitely in a tough position. i would be FUMING. unfortunately i think that it's DH who needs to take the stand against his mother here. maybe if he said 'you have no right to talk to me this way' and had you all walk out she would get the picture.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

IMO, you need to get up and leave while that happens.

My father and I got inot an argument once and even though I was being a bit of a beyotch, he took it to the next level, and when I looked at my kid's faces they were scared out of thier minds. I immediately said that we were leaving and it nipped that type of behavior immediately.

When I was pg and my SIL started screaming at my niece, I could instantly feel them moving all around and once I got up and left they calmed, so I definfitly think it causes them stress.

Also you DC does not need to see her father being called an a hole. It will only teach her that name calling is okay, and that having respect for people is not necessary.

Good Luck, I know in law issues are hard.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

As a parent, your DC come first. That is not a healthy environment, either physically, or emotionally. It's not good for any of you to be over there. I would cut off all contact, at least for a while. You can't afford to be around that kind of person. It doesn't matter that it's DH's mom, or DD's grandmother. Your baby is top priority.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

I would have gotten up and left. Why should your daughter be around that sort of behavior.

#1. I don't trust any animal. Yes, dogs can nip. They are very unpredictable.

#2. Why is she cursing around your dd? Or even at her own son?

#3. This is something that your dh should talk to with his mom. He should explain that the BOTH of you don't like the dogs around your dd because of the possibility of something happening. While he's at it..have him bring up her stinky potty mouth.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

When she acts like that you should leave. It's abusive and you don't want you daughter thinking that kind of behavior is OK. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

Thanks for the advice...

I do feel so much better that my dh does take a stand about the dog. We have a friend that had their son’s finger bit off by a dog.

I would love to tell her all visits at my house! Honestly, we would probably never see her. When I look back, I should of picked my dd up and calmly said I don’t want our daughter to be around screaming and cursing. I have a feeling my mil would say “My loss”.

Now that I have a daughter I have realized I can’t sit back anymore. She can’t be raised in such a negative environment. I try so hard to be the best dil I can be. Nothing ever seems to be good enough to them. I am tired of trying anymore! I always wished I would have had great in-laws! You picture yourself getting along with them. Being able to leave your children home with them. I don’t even want her to babysit, it’s sad.

I wish my husband could take a stand. For some reason he has a hard time standing his ground with her. I think it’s because she just belittles him. I have to say he will never win with her. Over the past couple of years he has starting to see the way she is, I guess he was to close to the situation to ever realize.

I am so glad he is starting to realize it’s not good for us to be around and especially our dd. He was quite upset with the way she acted this weekend!

Message edited 10/24/2007 10:48:25 AM.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

I'm glad that your dh sees his mother's true colors. That is a bonus when your dh is on your side. I'm sure there's nothng worse than fighting with your dh about his mom when he's on the fence or even worse, on her side.

She's some mom to your dh.
No one deserved to be treated that way...ever.
I absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't want my child in that sort of negative environment.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

I would have left. Seriously, I would have said, I don't treat you with disrespect, there is no need to speak to my husband this way. We are leaving.

I have no patience for people who don't give the same kindness I show them.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

Posted by Stefanie

I would have gotten up and left. Why should your daughter be around that sort of behavior.

#1. I don't trust any animal. Yes, dogs can nip. They are very unpredictable.

#2. Why is she cursing around your dd? Or even at her own son?

#3. This is something that your dh should talk to with his mom. He should explain that the BOTH of you don't like the dogs around your dd because of the possibility of something happening. While he's at it..have him bring up her stinky potty mouth.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

Good points!

I honestly feel a little better hearing from everyone!

I can't tell you how much it has been bothering me!!

Thank you for all the advice!!

Message edited 10/24/2007 11:20:00 AM.

Re: Mil issues...really need to vent!!

Honestly - it sounds like your MIL has emotional issues - no one would ever act that way if they were stable. Sorry to say that, but I havent spoken to my mom in almost 4 years because she was a toxic person who never put anyone else's needs or concerns before her own. If she cant do this for her own grandchild, then she isn't ever going to change...

time to limit her time with your DD, or have her come to YOUR house, with your rules!!!