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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
I am afraid to tell her anything to expensive for fear that DH will use it against me as a way to get her to stay here when she comes in November.
Even though we don't physically have a place for MIL to sleep except on our couch, DH is insistent that she will stay with us for some portion of her stay and he actually remembered what I had said to him a few weeks ago. I tried to call his bluff and said if it was so important for his mother to stay with us, then he would give up the bed, so she could sleep in it with me. At the time he said no he wouldn't do that, but this weekend he mentioned that she should share the bed with me stupid me NEVER thought he would stick his pregnant wife in bed with his mother
Okay, back to the gift dilemma. MIL has asked on a few occasions what we would like. My parents are buying the nursery furniture and bedding. I would love to suggest the stroller or something substantial because I know she can afford it but I really feel that right now he is so insistent that his mother must stay with us no matter how uncomfortable it makes all us that suggesting the stroller would give him something to use in an argument. "We can't send her to your mother's, she just bought us our stroller"
If your MIL asked you what you wanted for the baby and you were afraid it would be used against you, what would you do?
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Posted 10/23/06 2:27 PM  |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
I'd suggest you tell her to check out your registry and surprise you. Tell her that all the essentials are on the registery and you would be delighted to receive anything on there. Then she can decide what she wants to spend.
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| Posted 10/23/06 2:33 PM |
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Bebalina
<3
Member since 6/05 2922 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
i totally get where your coming from.... i feel the same way about my mil, so I would just say anything you want to get i cant tell you what to buy us.
and hope its a check 
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| Posted 10/23/06 2:34 PM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
I wish she would just use our registry but with our bridal shower, she sat down with DH, asked him what we really wanted, gave him her credit card and had him go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy it. If I mention the registry now I can imagine she will call DH from Poland, ask him what we want, tell him to use her credit card (he is managing all of their US cards since they moved) and order something from her.
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| Posted 10/23/06 2:39 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
Honestly, love...she will be staying with you. I don't see a way out. Hopefully she doesn't snore.
Your DH doesn't seem like he will budge. For that reason, tell her the stroller. Get what you want. Unless you have a plan up your sleeve, I don't see your DH's plans changing.
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| Posted 10/23/06 2:50 PM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
Posted by Janice
Honestly, love...she will be staying with you. I don't see a way out. Hopefully she doesn't snore.
Your DH doesn't seem like he will budge. For that reason, tell her the stroller. Get what you want. Unless you have a plan up your sleeve, I don't see your DH's plans changing.
As I see it, my parents have offered her a place to stay (a legitimate bed), DH also has relatives close by where she could sleep. She can't stay on our couch for three weeks and me sharing a bed with her is really out of the question.
I think I am also bugged that she won't just go online and look at the registry and pick a gift. I don't want to have to pick my own gift. I want her to put some thought into this.
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| Posted 10/23/06 3:12 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
I hate that question: what do you want? I feel like I am sitting on santa's lap giving a wishlist.
I love even more when people go on my registry and judge. I live in an apt. I don't see the need right now for a bouncer and a baby papasan.
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| Posted 10/23/06 3:14 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
I think you should not combine 2 issues...allowing a grandmother to purchase a nice gift for their granchild is one issue..staying with you is a total another issue. It is a gift for your child and if it is used against you by DH then you have other things to discuss...that is not something that should be used "against" anyone. It is a gift. no strings should be attached.
Tell her that you would love the stroller/car seat (one or both- not sure her situation). She may feel that registeries is not for mothers. My mothers did not use my registery either. My mom told me that she wanted to get me certain items and asked which I wanted. My parents (dad and stepmom) said they wanted to purchase the furniture. My MIL, however, did use the registery.
next issue is staying with you. I would NOT share a bed with my MIL for nearly any reason. This is just getting silly at this point. You and your husband must come to some comprimise on this visting issue. Purchase a nice blow-up queen size bed and let her stay for one weekend. The rest of the time she should not stay with you since you are both working crazy hours, going to school etc....
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| Posted 10/23/06 3:18 PM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: MIL wants to know what we want for the baby but...
Posted by michele31
I think you should not combine 2 issues...allowing a grandmother to purchase a nice gift for their granchild is one issue..staying with you is a total another issue. It is a gift for your child and if it is used against you by DH then you have other things to discuss...that is not something that should be used "against" anyone. It is a gift. no strings should be attached.
Tell her that you would love the stroller/car seat (one or both- not sure her situation). She may feel that registeries is not for mothers. My mothers did not use my registery either. My mom told me that she wanted to get me certain items and asked which I wanted. My parents (dad and stepmom) said they wanted to purchase the furniture. My MIL, however, did use the registery.
next issue is staying with you. I would NOT share a bed with my MIL for nearly any reason. This is just getting silly at this point. You and your husband must come to some comprimise on this visting issue. Purchase a nice blow-up queen size bed and let her stay for one weekend. The rest of the time she should not stay with you since you are both working crazy hours, going to school etc....
Michele- I agree that it has gotten silly. DH is reverting back to boyish whining and pouting and while I understand that he misses his parents and feels abandoned and we are having a baby so that further complicates his emotions, the idea of his mother having to stay with us, is absurd. If we can fit an air mattress in our condo (nursery furniture has arrived and the room isn't ready yet so it is sitting in the living room) or she wants the couch, I will agree to Thanksgiving weekend but I will not be manipulated with gifts or guilt for anything else.
I know that there are two issues but I have seen MIL use guilt and favors as ways of getting things from people. And under her thumb, DH falls into the guilt thing too.
DH tries to tell me that if his mother stays with us, she will clean for us. The last time she did anything for us, we heard about it for weeks after. If she came here from Poland and cleaned for us, she would tell the story until the unborn baby is old enough to hear it.
In regard to mothers not using the registry, if she doesn't want to choose something, at least narrow it down and as us to choose or vice versa (have us narrow down to three and she chooses)
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| Posted 10/23/06 3:35 PM |
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