Mom Friends Question

Do you find it easier to be friend with someone with similar parenting styles?
I started to hang with a mom from my ds school for a while, and while i did like her, i found it difficult to really click because she was a very strict mom and i am a very lax mom. For instance, she doesn't let her son watch tv...
They came over one day..and my son had the tv on...i ended up shutting it since i was so nervous about her son watching tv. (normally i don't keep tv on for playdates, but still, that's not the point) Another example..we go out to lunch..my son LOVES the bread and butter..i do limit him, but i also let him have some..she doesn't want her son touching the bread until he eats his meal....again, akward.
We did end up drifting apart..and truthfully i can't say i care that much because that playdates were becoming too stresssful.

Anyone have a similar situation, or am i just being unreasonable?

Re: Mom Friends Question

I think most of my friends have similiar parenting styles so that's not the issue. I find it harder when kids are different ages.
My close friend is very laid back and she has a 7 yr old and 4 yr old. I have a 2 yr old and 6 month old. We were at a friend's daughter's Christening over the weekend and trying to have a conversation wasn't easy. She was sitting with her wine and chatting away while her kids played in the basement. I was holding my 6 month old and making sure my 2 yr old wasn't going to fall down the steps to the basement or get trampled by the big kids.

I can see where it can be a little different, but for playdates and other get-togethers I try to be even more relaxed and go with the flow. Usually I'm even easier with other people.

Sorry about the relationship, but as you said it's more relaxing not to be friends with her.

Re: Mom Friends Question

I'm like your friend and I would be hurt if one of my friends didn't want to hang out because of things like that.

With the bread and butter, did she not want you to give any to your DS? I try not to give my DD bread before she finishes her meal, because if I do, she will only eat bread for her meal. I try to keep bread off the table or out of sight as much as possible, but not to the point that I would begrudge a friend or a kid for eating what they want.

With the TV, I could argue that if we're getting our kids together to play, they should be playing, not watching TV.

Re: Mom Friends Question

Message edited 1/18/2012 3:47:13 PM.

Re: Mom Friends Question

I have never been in that situation yet because i am a new mom but I am a very laid back mom and that would bother me because I would probably think she was judging me. I would probably prefer my mom friends to be similar to me.

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Re: Mom Friends Question

I am a laid back mom, and I understand not every mom will parent the way I do, but I don't think I would let it affect a friendship, maybe a stricter mom would feel different i don't know.
I also don't think I would turn off the TV if I normally left it on because thats what she does in her house. I would expect her to respect the way I parent as well, so imo House Rules go ha!

ETA: But if you are a stricter mom maybe you wouldn't want to have a regular basis friendship with a more laid back mom since your child wouldn't be allowed to do things the other child could, tv, bread & butter, etc...

Message edited 1/18/2012 4:23:40 PM.

Re: Mom Friends Question

Just like in my pre-kid life, I gravitate towards friends who I have things in common with. same goes for my mom friends now. Having three kids, I know a lot of moms, many whom I get along with and many who parent very differently that I do. My best mom friends are the ones who have the same parenting styles as me and whose kids are friends with my kids. We get together often and the kids have the same rules for the most part and everyone gets along.

I remember when my now 7 year old was an toddler, I was part of a moms club and one of the moms was very strict and different from me. Not good or bad, just different. Anyway, I'll never forget when she rolled her eyes at me becuase my son was eating Goldfish while her kid nibbled on frozen peas. To each his own, but we drifted into different circles naturally.

Re: Mom Friends Question

It depends on the friend. I have had 2 friends that were very strict and high strung and didn't care who they insulted or inconvenienced with their "rules" and routines, like removing the bread from the table b/c they don't want their child to have and therefore making it so your child can't have it even tho you allow it. On the other hand I have friends who parent differently than me and its not an issue at all. My house my rules, your house your rules. Sometimes its necessary IMO to put a show on during a play date if everyone is getting wild or crabby and you just need to redirect their attention for a little bit and this goes for my 20 mos old and her friends and my 5.5 year old and his friends. At my house I'd do it without hesitation at their house they can leave it off and do their own rendition of Laurie Berkner or any other method they choose to settle everyone down. (Personally I don't want to entertain my child during play dates, I want to hang out with the moms, so I save those tricks for when its just me and the kids) Be confident in your choices b/c you will always come across people who do things differently. As long as you are both respectful of each other it shouldn't matter.

Message edited 1/18/2012 8:07:40 PM.

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Re: Mom Friends Question

Parenting styles do not affect my friendships with other mom's, it is personality differences that cause issues. My mom friends rock! We don't all parent the same, but we have similar personalities. We all have a great sense of humor, are laid back, are open to all other opinions, love conversation and discussion, and just enjoy each others company. You will find others that you click with, it may take time, but it will happen.

Message edited 1/18/2012 9:16:40 PM.

Re: Mom Friends Question

I try to put aside any personal feelings I have towards moms as long as my son has a good time at the playdate.

I am part of a mom's group where I don't click with any of the moms. My almost 3yo loves playing in that group. I attend for my son.

Then I am in another mom's group where I love all the moms. My almost 3yo is the oldest in that group and has no fun hanging out with a bunch of toddlers. I don't attend as many of those events.

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As long as they don't preach their parenting styles to me, it doesn't bother me. But honestly most of my friends have similar parenting styles.

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I have a friend who has a completely different parenting style. Whereas I am all about my kids, her child is only a part of her life. It does impact our friendship to an extent. I am reluctant to do things with her, because it saddens me to see how little time/ energy she spends with/on her DS.

I also have a friend who is a great mom, but just way more uptight than I am. No tv. Weird about foods. Only educational toys. Very strict about a lot of things that IMO aren't things to be strict about. It's just strange hanging out w/ her sometimes.