Moms of one only.... Come in

And please only respond if you just have one. I need only perspective from moms of one...

Do you feel that people look at you as if you have less on your plate because you "only" have one?

I work full time. I am so busy it's unreal. I have felt this way since DS was born. Sometimes I feel it's ridiculous to share how busy I am with moms who have 3-4 kids. Not all of them work FT, or at all, but many do. I don't know how they do it and function. I feel sharing how busy I am when I have a quarter of the kids they have is ridiculous.

I wake up at 4:30am, and go to bed at 10. And I work locally now! But I still never get it all done. I feel raising one kid is so much work.

I have up on having anymore. At first was because we couldn't afford to, but lately I also think there's just not enough of me for another.....

I hate the questions "oh, you just have the one?" I want to say "not JUST". I feel people see having one kid is as if its some little frivolous thing in a world where everyone has at least 2. I know my stepmom is a fucknut loon, but she on e said to me it's a shame I only have one kid because I'm such a good mom. As if having one makes me less of a mom.....


I read posts where working moms are overwhelmed and exhausted, and they have 2 and anothe on the way. I'm feeling the same way they are. And have one five year old!

So, one and done moms.... Am I alone?!!

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I do sometimes feel like this especially b/c I'm a SAHM. But I try to remember that everyone is dealing with their own reality. I feel like it's easy to look at someone's situation and be like, oh they have it so easy. But to the person living it, it's almost certainly not easy. However, I feel like you can adjust to a new reality very easily. It seems impossible until it happens and then you're like, oh ok, not so bad. At least I hope so b/c we are hoping to have a 2nd!

I definitely do not feel you are any less of a mom if you only have one. That's just people projecting their crazy feelings on you. And in a way I think she was trying to compliment you.

Moms of one only.... Come in

I understand exactly what you are saying. I have 1 DD. I work full time. I DO NOT work close to home. I have an 80 mile drive round trip. I get up and go to bed at the same times that you mentioned.
I always feel behind the 8 ball. Never enough time. Always frazzled. I look at other people who have 1 or 2 kids and another on the way and I think to myself "holy cow, how is she going to do it?!?" meanwhile they seam completely unfazed.
DH and I go back and forth about having more children all the time. I don't know how I would keep my sanity.I don't know how I would get anything done.
I do however very much agree with PP who says that you can adjust to a new reality easily. I think back to periods of my life where I had a lot going on (before being married and having a kid) and I think "how did I do that?"
I think we are resilient and we figure it out.
You are not any less of a mom if you have 1 kid. You are not any better of a mom if you have 8 kids.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Well I am not exactly a mom of one but my DD is 6 1/2 and I am pg with #2. I have felt like you this whole time which is why it has taken me almost 7 years exactly to go for another. I babysit f/t and work p/t at night for my husbands business. I do all of the housework and cooking and most of the child rearing. Its nuts. I crash at 11pm and have a hardtime waking up in the morning. If I have an off day, the whole house and family falls apart. I don't know how I will do it with another, but it will somehow work out. And if I chose not to have another, I would not feel like any less of a mother or women. We work our butts off whether its 1 child or 5. You do not need to expain to anyone. You are smart, know yourself, know your situation and whatever your decisions are in life, its what works best for you and your family!

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Message edited 1/27/2013 9:46:56 AM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I totally know how you feel. I was out with two friends yesterday who both have two and I was saying how busy I am and how I need a break but then I felt like an idiot because they were probably thinking how easy I have it with just one. We really want to have another but I do get fearful that I won't be able to handle it. I mean it's hard now to do things like go to the grocery store. That being said, my one friend with two told me the first few weeks with her second was tough but then she didn't feel it was any different than having two because it was more of the same. I do feel with one that I will never catch up with everything that needs to be done. I don't know. Just want to say you are not alone and don't ever let anybody make you feel inadequate because you have "just" one because motherhood is hard work regardless.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I only have 1 DD. I always thought I'd want at least 2 kids, more if possible. I imagined being a SAHM and thought it would be super easy so of course I would need 2-3 kids to justify that lifestyle. Well, then I had my DD and became a SAHM and I don't know what the heck I was thinking beforehand. It is so much harder, mostly emotionally, than I ever thought possible. My DD also has some special issues so since the day she was born we have been going to weekly doctors visits and it takes extra time to care for her, so it really is time consuming and stressful. This situation has made it financially impossible for us to have a second, plus I feel I need to give her ALL of my, and like you said, I just don't feel that there is any time or enough of me to justify having another. I'd feel bad for either my current DD or my next LO. Someone would lose out. I am so satisfied with my situation right now, I don't want to add another and I hate that EVERYONE in my life pressures me to have a second. They all tell me how wrong I am in not wanting to have a second, like my opinions are not valid. Or that they also think my life is easy but they are not the ones doing all the housework and dealing with all the doctors... I am. So only I know. I don't think DD will be spoiled, or bored without a sibling. I have a brother and I still feel lonely. Having a sibling doesn't solve everything. And there is nothing wrong with 1 being enough on your plate. I could deal with another 1 or 2 kids, but I CHOOSE not to. I feel like the only reason to have them would be to prove to others that I could do it and that is a terrible reason to do it. LOL. Don't let people get you down. Stick to your gut and do what is best for your family. Many people without kids complain their lives are hard or busy or etc... so it really has nothing to do with children at all. People just have opinions and those who think they are doing it all, are not. Something is being neglected somewhere. I used to think I could be perfect, do it all... but I see now that I can't. I am just doing the best I can manage at the moment and that is good enough for me.

Moms of one only.... Come in

I think people have a tendency to minimize other people's situations. When I had no children it was "wait until you have kids." Now that I have one I hear "you don't know what it's like to have 2...3...etc.". You are busy, you do a lot, try to ignore what other people say.

Moms of one only.... Come in

I'm a sahm with 1 ds and he will be my only. I've never felt that anyone thinks less of me.
I know I spend more time with my son - coloring, playing, watching movies, playing games than my friends with multiple dc. My friends have the kids entertain each other.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I can relate.

I have one, and no plans to have another.

I feel like DS has the energy of my SIL's 3 kids combined.

I also work F/T at a job that can often be stressful and drama filled.

A big reason I don't want another child is because of the $$$, but honestly, I think the amount of time that goes into raising DS is the biggest reason.

I also feel that only having one still allows DH and I somewhat of a chance to have a little bit of free time if we want to do something with each other, or, independently.

People I know like my SIL don't really go out and do much unless their kids are involved.

With that said though, I think like everything else in life, if someone is not in your shoes, they will look at your situation differently.

I also have heard people say that once you have 2 or more it gets easier. Who the hell knows.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

You are not alone.I only have one and I can't imagine how others do it with more than one. I am exhausted (and I don't even "work", am a SAHM). And I definitely think it's looked at as if what could you possibly have to do if you have just one child?

Well honestly, I have one, but the amt of time and effort I put into my ONE child may be the same amt of time and effort some of the people I know put into all 2 or 3 or 4 kids, kwim? They have 3 but each child gets less time and energy from the parent. Or the older children keep the younger children busy. The older children teach the younger children things. Play with them and keep them occupied, etc. Before anyone gets annoyed at this, I am NOT speaking for everyone. But I am referring to many people I personally know who have to divvy up their time b/w many kids, vs me spending all my time on my one child (and pets, who also take up much of my time and energy). Many times those children become self reliant much faster b/c they have no other choice but to become independent faster b/c mom is busy. Or certain things just take a backseat b/c the parents are too busy. For example, I never got to go to dancing school whereas my sister did b/c she was born before me. My mom was too busy to take me I guess. I take my DD to many activities whereas maybe someone with many kids does less and less of that stuff.

I know what you are saying. I think it's sort of like the way people think SAHMs have nothing to do, when in fact as a SAHM I am the one who does it ALL. I don't have any sitters or cleaning lady, or help at all and didn't get a break from my one child until my DC went to school. Whereas people with more than one kid often will play with each other, whereas my DC is home and has no playmate.

Eh, just one of those things that everyone judges and has an opinion on I guess.

Message edited 1/27/2013 1:33:10 PM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I have one kid, and I work full-time (with an hour commute each way), and have a side business but I honestly am not overwhelmed. I don't allow myself to be. I've always been that way though.
When I was younger, my parents would always laugh because I'd decide on one task to accomplish each day. They'd always ask if I wanted to do more, and I'd tell them that one thing was fine because I knew I could get it done and then I'd be satisfied that I'd accomplished all that I wanted to and not be disappointed at not getting things done. It was a mental thing for me.
Obviously, life is different now and I have a lot more to do, but I tend to limit myself to things I know I'll be able to get done. I also like to delegate tasks that I know I won't have time for to other people. And my husband is amazing and is completely my partner in everything.
There are days where I feel like I'm running around like a loon...but it's totally not the norm.
It's also part of the reason we decided to stop at one child....because we can handle one really well...any more than that and we'd be crazy people.
I'm not happy when things feel out of control....and I like to be happy, so I try my best to keep things in control.


Oh, and to answer your question....I don't really care if people think I'm not as busy as they are....maybe they are busier than me....but maybe I'm happier than they are. So what?

Message edited 1/27/2013 1:48:35 PM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Posted by Palebride

I have one kid, and I work full-time (with an hour commute each way), and have a side business but I honestly am not overwhelmed. I don't allow myself to be. I've always been that way though.
When I was younger, my parents would always laugh because I'd decide on one task to accomplish each day. They'd always ask if I wanted to do more, and I'd tell them that one thing was fine because I knew I could get it done and then I'd be satisfied that I'd accomplished all that I wanted to and not be disappointed at not getting things done. It was a mental thing for me.
Obviously, life is different now and I have a lot more to do, but I tend to limit myself to things I know I'll be able to get done. I also like to delegate tasks that I know I won't have time for to other people. And my husband is amazing and is completely my partner in everything.
There are days where I feel like I'm running around like a loon...but it's totally not the norm.
It's also part of the reason we decided to stop at one child....because we can handle one really well...any more than that and we'd be crazy people.
I'm not happy when things feel out of control....and I like to be happy, so I try my best to keep things in control.


Oh, and to answer your question....I don't really care if people think I'm not as busy as they are....maybe they are busier than me....but maybe I'm happier than they are. So what?

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Message edited 1/27/2013 2:11:37 PM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Posted by Palebride

I have one kid, and I work full-time (with an hour commute each way), and have a side business but I honestly am not overwhelmed. I don't allow myself to be. I've always been that way though.
When I was younger, my parents would always laugh because I'd decide on one task to accomplish each day. They'd always ask if I wanted to do more, and I'd tell them that one thing was fine because I knew I could get it done and then I'd be satisfied that I'd accomplished all that I wanted to and not be disappointed at not getting things done. It was a mental thing for me.
Obviously, life is different now and I have a lot more to do, but I tend to limit myself to things I know I'll be able to get done. I also like to delegate tasks that I know I won't have time for to other people. And my husband is amazing and is completely my partner in everything.
There are days where I feel like I'm running around like a loon...but it's totally not the norm.
It's also part of the reason we decided to stop at one child....because we can handle one really well...any more than that and we'd be crazy people.
I'm not happy when things feel out of control....and I like to be happy, so I try my best to keep things in control.


Oh, and to answer your question....I don't really care if people think I'm not as busy as they are....maybe they are busier than me....but maybe I'm happier than they are. So what?

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Yeah I read it even though I have two. I won't comment on the having one part but I will say this:

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Having one is hard because mom has to do a lot of entertaining! I have 2, but they occupy each other much of the time. My sister has one and it's impossible for her to get anything done! Any amount of kids is really difficult . If I have to sit for 30 min to play puzzles it doesn't matter if there is one kid or both

When my older one is in school, the younger one literally follows me all day long, demanding all my attention. When older one is home, little guy does that to him

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Posted by Palebride

I have one kid, and I work full-time (with an hour commute each way), and have a side business but I honestly am not overwhelmed. I don't allow myself to be. I've always been that way though.
When I was younger, my parents would always laugh because I'd decide on one task to accomplish each day. They'd always ask if I wanted to do more, and I'd tell them that one thing was fine because I knew I could get it done and then I'd be satisfied that I'd accomplished all that I wanted to and not be disappointed at not getting things done. It was a mental thing for me.
Obviously, life is different now and I have a lot more to do, but I tend to limit myself to things I know I'll be able to get done. I also like to delegate tasks that I know I won't have time for to other people. And my husband is amazing and is completely my partner in everything.
There are days where I feel like I'm running around like a loon...but it's totally not the norm.
It's also part of the reason we decided to stop at one child....because we can handle one really well...any more than that and we'd be crazy people.
I'm not happy when things feel out of control....and I like to be happy, so I try my best to keep things in control.


Oh, and to answer your question....I don't really care if people think I'm not as busy as they are....maybe they are busier than me....but maybe I'm happier than they are. So what?

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Im not one and done, but I have one right now.

You know..when u get married people are up your ass to have kids. Thats all i heard..when are you having a baby?? Then we had DS and its like "when are you having # 2." as if 1 isnt enough.

Im technically unemployed right now, but I run a business from home..so I'm always juggling orders, shipping stuff, emailing, running errands; I manage a household, and a 3 year old. I NEVER STOP...from the time DS gets up until he goes to sleep. Im effing exhausted all day. We THINK we are going to try for # 2 and yet the thought of going back to the newborn phase scares me having a toddler here. and being preggo while having a toddler is even scarier. But people do it.

You can only live your life for you and your family.

in regards to the stepmom comment I wouldnt take that in such a bad way. She probably just means that b/c you are so good with your son and have so much love that another child would be blessed to have it as well. at least that's how I saw that. But I'm sure if my MIL said that to me i'd be all about it..lol.

In any case, I wouldn't take much stock in what other people think of having 1 or more than that.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Message edited 1/27/2013 9:57:52 PM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I have one DS who is now 7 and yes, some people look at me like my life is so easy because I don't have more than one and because he is now in school. My DS is a handful - always was. I was always envious of those moms who said their DC was so easy and wondered "why didn't I get one like that?" But I love him more than I ever thought I could and nothing will change that. Now that he's older, we spend much more time driving to afterschool activities and doing homework, and yes playing games or activities since he does not have a sibling to keep him busy. I used to work and now am SAHM since I lost my job, and I am still busy all day (although with a little more time for myself than before).

I know many moms who have more than one DC have a cleaning person, use Peapod or a similar service, have a lot of help from family or DH and really ease up on things like housework because there is only so much time in the day and you need to cut yourself some slack somewhere.

It doesn't matter if you have one or twenty DC like the Duggars (who, if you notice, have the older kids help out a lot around the house) - a mom is a mom and we all have our challenges. I don't look down on any mom because there is no way I know what is going on in their lives. Some moms amaze me when I do know what they deal with on a daily basis. Actually, having been a mom for seven years now, EVERY mom amazes me. Don't let those people bring you down - you're doing a great job.