Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I already have 3 kids. I am going to be 40 this year. But all of a sudden out of the blue, I am really longing for another baby (maybe that’s cause my baby is turning 6-lol). We are not having another child for a million reasons, but I just can’t turn this switch off for some reason. DH is 100% no no no. He doesn’t even want to hear me when I mention it. He says our house is insane as is (which it is). Not sure where this is coming from or if it’s cause I’m turning 40 so I guess I feel like my clock is ticking down. I don’t know. I never felt like this before. As a matter of fact, as soon as my 3rd was born, I said ok, our family is now complete. Is this a woman’s version of a mid life crisis? Lol.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I have been feeling the same way lately and Im 42. We have 3 kids too boy 7, girl who will be 6 and my little boy who is 4. I had a hysterectomy so there is no way we will have another. We can't afford it, our family is complete but still I think in my mind about adopting and that will never happen. I just still have this longing for another baby lately. My friend is pregnant with her 4th and Im thrilled for her and yet sad because it will never happen for us.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I go through this too. Maybe you are right and it is our version of a midlife crisis. I'm 41 and I also have 3 kids, all boys. My house is totally nuts. I have a real sadness though about not having a DD. I always wanted girls and I am so girly that it blows my mind I never got one. I had one MC and I always wonder if that was my girl.

About a year ago I went through a phase of wanting to adopt to guarantee I got a girl. My DH was astounded and probably a little horrified. LOL When I thought about it, I knew that 1. child care would be a problem 2. I am older and not as patient as I should be 3. My house is full. I would need to get a bigger house. 4. I work FT. I feel bad enough about not devoting enough time to my boys as it is; why would I throw another adopted kid in the mix who would really require more attention to adapt? But then the irrational side would get the best of me and long for a baby.

You know what helps me? Holding someone else's baby. I love it but as I'm holding that baby I think about the late nights, the bottles, the total dependence and I'm like nah. I'm all set, thanks. Try it.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Yes, my good friend has a daughter who is 8 months old (I also have 3 boys). And she is like good you can get up with her in the middle of night lol (she is going through a bad teething phase right now) and I hold her a lot. She is so stinking cute and that baby smell.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I totally think it's because we know that one day it won't be an option anymore.
I have one DD. I've known (because of my age when I had her) that I'd be One and Done, and sometimes I feel the same way. Especially as she gets older. Ugh, it's so hard.

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I feel you! I’m about 10 years younger, have twin boys they just turned 2 and I always was so sure I was done. The thought of having another in 5 years totally throws me off because my twins will be 7, life will be easy. Most of my friends are popping out babies left and right and I would love another, but I have so many reasons for now having anymore. I too would love a daughter. I gave myself one more year to think this over before making peace with it. I know I won’t get pregnant (very very slim) without medication/ IVF so the thought of heading back for one more seems like a lot of work and what if I have twins again!! I’ll be horror if I couldn’t do another set!

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

#can'trrelate



Seriously I must be missing a female gene because I have never once in my life felt that way. I have been one and done since the moment I peed on the stick and have never wavered from that once.

I actually can't wait for menopause.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Ugh I have been going through this. My 3rd is 14 months. I always wanted 4. I know that if we want another we have to start trying soon because we are in our late 30’s. When I think about trying it scares the crap out of me but I’m also afraid to regret not having the 4th. Dh goes back and forth with it so that doesn’t help. I often feel the same as another poster said, that maybe it’s because we know there will be a time when it’s no longer an option. Sorry no advice

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I’ll be 40 in a few months and sometimes I feel the same way. I have 3 kids too and for so many reasons we are done. I think now that my DD is getting closer to 2, part of me is sad that she’s growing up and I won’t get to experience some of those firsts again. On the other hand, there are other things about the baby stage that are nice to be moving away from.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I think what you're feeling is because you've spent your entire life dreaming of having a family and then building a family. Then all of a sudden, your dream changes. For whatever reason, you're done having children and that's a shocking realization to many.

I've been feeling that way, too. I'm 39 with 2 kids, a boy and a girl. I know we're done, but every once in a while I see someone pregnant and for a split second think, "that will be me again soon. Oh wait, no it won't." And that's a little sad.

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Like Nell, I can’t relate but I have a friend who has 3 and every once in a while she mentions a 4th. He husband shuts it down fast saying “we never should have had the last one.” She says what brings her back down is that realistically she is already spread so thin that another child would be unfair to the entire family. That there comes a point where another kid stops being a benefit and becomes a strain. I know everyone breaking point is different but 3 kids already seems like a lot to me!

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I can definitely relate. I felt like I felt the desire to have babies strongest ever since I turned 40 a few years ago. Its a strange feeling..... I guess I also feel like, after this, what else is there? I know that sounds depressing.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Yes I can definitely relate!! My son will be 7 and my daughter will be 4 this summer. I would like a 3rd but DH is like, hell no. I am going to be 35 and he is turning 40. My #1 reason why I'm not having another though is finances- we wouldn't be able to afford it, plus we live in a 3br house and it would be too cramped. I guess part of me is guilty because my oldest has severe special needs and sometimes I feel like it's going to be up to my daughter in the future to take care of him/manage everything for him by herself when I no longer can. She also tells me "mommy when I turn 4 I am going to have a sister". ughh...

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I kind of feel the same way. I'm 40 and have 2..life is hectic but I teeter on a 3rd. DH doesn't want anymore. I think the desire is strong because we are nearing the end of our fertile years so there is more pressure. Also they are getting older..my youngest is 3. I love the baby stage, diapers, formula, etc..it's hard to realize I will probably never have that again.

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I totally get this, we always wanted two, we have two. I am 37 and seeing my window close I think has more to do with my desire than actually wanting a 3rd bc while we could do it it would make our lives harder and it isnt something that I ever really wanted.

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I always saw myself with 1 child -- After we had him i was on the fence about having another. I put it off a few years and DH pushed. Now we have 2 sons and I am so glad we did it. I couldnt imagine life without him. But now everyone keeps telling me I need to go for the girl. I always say no way -- and i dont want another. I dont. But id be lying if there wasnt a tinnnnyyyy part of me that wanted a girl. But i wont -- id wind up with another boy lol

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I always wanted 4, had three then opened my own business and was swamped and didn't really think about it because I knew I couldn't handle it. We had a surprise pregnancy and I was freaking out but then we were so excited. Unfortunately we lost the baby very early on due to chromosomal abnormalities. This was right before I turned 40. We had some frozen embryos leftover from the IVF that we did for my middle child so we put those back in but it didn't work. After that I knew I wouldn't try again because I have three healthy kids and a happy family and I don't want to take the chance at having another baby with chromosomal issues, and the risks at this age are just too high for my comfort zone. I thought I would never come to terms with this but I did, and in much less time than I thought I would. Now I am almost 44 and I can't imagine my family being any other way than how it is now. So I would think about it and discuss it with your husband but eventually you do come to terms with it and get over that feeling of wanting another baby. I am so happy with the things that we can do now that our kids are getting older and more manageable.

Mulling over (but not really) having another child

I think 40 is this weird age where you realize that this is kind of it...Not that you can't have kids after 40 but it's this age where you consciously realize that your window of opportunity is closing.

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Re: Mulling over (but not really) having another child

Lol, six months after my third I was DONE!!! I have absolutely no interest in any more kids. I am almost 40. Your youngest is 6. Mine is 2. Imagine redoing it all with a newborn with colic or a toddler running around all over the place. I have so much less energy. I'm always tired. If I wasn't working, possibly. But if you work and have three kids and your DH is not onboard, my advice is to not do it.