my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

when hiring my sitter (a neighbor) to watch my DD 1 day a week - DH and I had 1 "rule"...

We DO NOT want anyone in the house.

Well a few weeks into it - prior to me leaving, she asks if her daughter, who's home from college, could stop by and drop off lunch. When I return she tells me she was here for just a few minutes.... OK - still not keen on it, but I swallow it as to not make a big deal.

This happens a few more times, now with her other daughter who is in HS.... shame on me for not reiterating our rule.... well I could just kick myself now...

Fast forward to this week, she mentions that her daughter is home from school again, and is bored, blah blah blah. Waiting for her to say "do you mind if...." but does't and I off to work I go.
I get home, and she tells me oh my daughter stopped over to bring me lunch, actually we ordered paninis and had them delivered here....she stayed for about an hour.

Great now your opening the door to strangers. DH decides to check the footage - and low and behold, not only was her daughter here for 4 HOURS, but so was her other daughter and some MAN! and to boot the delivery guy even stepped foot in the house.

I am soooooo beside myself - so ANGRY. I feel so betrayed and sick to my stomach that STRANGERS were near my child...
I have so many questions, and so much doubt

Part of me doesn't want to let on that we have cameras, and I want to tactfully handle this, how do I trust her? or don't I??


Please do you have any advice?

Message edited 3/4/2010 11:38:26 PM.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I wouldn't let on about the cameras

I would say I know your daughter just stopped by before, but I'd really prefer no one coming over, and say you're worried about liabilities etc and if you're like me, I'd falsely blame it on my husband and say he's the one that would be really upset (since I interact with her more its easier to blame it on him )

I would be upset too....its one thing to have her daughter a couple of times, but other random people, and for hours, not cool

Hope you get this resolved

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I wouldn't let on about the camera. I would say that neighbors are letting you know that people are coming in.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I hate to say it but I would start looking for a babysitter again!

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Message edited 3/5/2010 7:38:13 AM.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I might be totally in the minority here but I don't really see why you would be so upset over her daughters visiting. If anything, I would look at it as an extra pair of hands that are there. I think it's nice that they stop over for a lunch or even stay a while. As long as she is taking care of your DC, playing with her, feeding her, and doing what she is suppose to then I don't really see why it's a problem.

Look, if you had some teenager watching your kids I would understand the whole "nobody in the house" rule because you wouldn't want a bunch of young kids running around your house just hanging out but a grown woman who has her daughters visit? It just wouldn't bother me.

I will say the delivering of food would bother me a bit. I am home with my DD all day and I don't like to open the door for anyone I don't know when I am home alone with her. You just never know these days. So I would talk to her about having food delivered but I think you could be a bit more flexible about allowing her daughters to visit. Just my opinion though.

EDIT - I wouldn't be cool with the "unknown man" either. That would be an issue.

Message edited 3/5/2010 7:31:09 AM.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I actually would be done. The first half of your post I was like "eh, whatever...her daughter came over". I was even thinking it wasnt a big deal that she dropped her lunch off more then a few times BUT then when you tell me she ordered into your home and a man was there etc.... I am sooooooo done for you. To me she just became a liar. Thats not OK. Did she tell you this man was coming??? Shes a little too "loose" on her work ethic. If you keep giving in, little by little she will have everyone in your home. Its not a circus. You have a small child and there are TONS of sitters out there. i couldnt go fwd from here on in. Lying is too much for me.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Message edited 3/5/2010 8:36:42 AM.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I would totally not let the daughter thing or the delivery guy bother me (although, he should not be let into the house) but I totally get the strange man. That would bother me.

I would ease up a bit on having her daughter by and let that go, especially since she is away at school, she probably just misses her and wants to see her as much as possible before she has to head back.

However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I think you are actually being a bit unfair regarding her allowing her daughters to come over. Unless you feel she is incapable of "multi tasking" what is the big deal if her daughter wanted to come over for lunch? And, since the daughter is in HS maybe she loves your DD and wants to help play/entertain her. By you being so skeptical about her daughters leads me to believe you don't trust her. And if you don't trust her why is she babysitting in the first place?

The strange man is a total different story. The fact that he was there without you having any prior knowledge is completely unacceptable. And I wouldn't stand for that one bit. I wouldn't tell her you have cameras because no one should know that.

But you should probably say a neighbor noticed a weird car parked outside. Or maybe even a relative stopped by to leave something in the mailbox and saw a man walking into the house.

And at the end of it all I'd just fire her. Tell her it isn't working out and find someone knew. It is so obvious you had trust issues with her in the first place and were never really comfortable leaving your child in her care. Why let it go on any further?

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

The OP isn't paying her to be entertained, she's paying her to babysit for her child - And if she's 'bored' and needs company, maybe she's not doing her job ........or, if she's bored, maybe she needs to find a new job. - IMO, there is a SIGNIFICANT difference between being with your OWN kids all day and needing to get out ot the house, do things, see people etc etc and being PAID as a JOB to be w/ someone's kids all day -
My JOB gets boring too, I don't have my husband come and hang out w/ in my office for a few hours .........

And I don't think ANY babysitter is required to have visitors in another person's HOME. - I don't alllow my own MIL to have her boyfriend or sisters or others in my home while she's there - (other than BIL and SIL) (there's a longer story to that) but part of it is the fact that I don't feel she needs to be entertaining people in MY home while she's with her Grandsom ONE day a week . -

As far as having lunch delivered, I think that's a bit ridiculous - This is a grown woman, I'm sure she's capable of opening the door, paying the guy and seeing him out ........

Confront her - don't let her know you have the cameras though .....

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

I would not tell her about the cameras. Blame it on the neighbors be firm and tell ehr that was the only thing you asked when you hired her. I would start looking for someone else.

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken

i agree with most of the OP. i dont see a big deal with having the daughters over & the guy was probably with them. I would ask her to receive the food at the door and not let delivery people inside the house.
its stressful not being able to control every minute of your baby- but you are trusting this woman and her judgement. im sure the baby got lots of attention with the daughters coming by, maybe they like babies/kids and it could be a good thing.