Re: My heart is breaking...

Just wanted to give you some and do not give up.

Re: My heart is breaking...

I understand how you feel. But like everyone said, don't take it to heart. Dad's is playtime- its like a vacation- whereas you are the one raising her, giving her rules and restrictions.

As for her preference to John, I know Jordana is going through a daddy phase. She knows you are there and you love her, and she is comfortable and stable with that. What isn't stable for her is the love of a "daddy" figure, and it sounds to me like she is working harder to gain the love of John and your STBX because she isn't sure she has it yet,whereas she knows she has your love.

It will get better, and once she gets older she will appreciate everything you do for her. Of course then she'll hate you again for not letting her go out until midnight on a school night - but that's a whole other battle

but at least you know you are doing your job as the amazing mom that you are

Message edited 1/3/2008 2:58:20 PM.

Re: My heart is breaking...

Hang in there....

My DH and I go through this A LOT..we both have children from previous relationships. Fortunately for me my ex has even more rules than I do...BUT DH's ex lets the kids do WHATEVER they want to and it tends to show around here...There are plenty of times when they want to go home when they are here b/c they are expected to, GOD FORBID, pick up after themselves

I could go on and on with examples of things that have happened through the years..the times I have felt like doodoo b/c they cried when daddy dropped them off..or when I have felt like a horrible person for "taking them away" from daddy..BUT now all these years later (almost 7) we are all adjusted to this life of ours..

They love DH dearly..and have grown accustom to Daddy's occassional "mommy put downs"...and for the most part are well adjusted children..

FM me any time!!

Re: My heart is breaking...

So sorry you are going through this

Re: My heart is breaking...

Having gone through custody matters & having one parent "coach" the children, I can tell you that the one thing that you can do is document everything, including and especially, all the dates & times she has spent with her father and how their time was spent. Don't consider giving custody to him unless you are prepared to keep it continued that way - it would not be in your benefit or your daughter's if, in fact, it is true that she is acting this way due to the lack of structure, etc. that seems appealing to her. This was the key to our case & my step-daughters were 12 & 17 at the time and the judge and the law guardian didn't care who they wanted to live with once we showed that their father provided them with a stable home with discipline and guidance and their mom was just fun and irresponsibility. We were told up front to keep a calander noting every visit and any reactions, etc. It will help. Good luck. FM me if you want.

Re: My heart is breaking...

this is very normal.
I know when I was young I always told my mom how much better dad was and how I wanted to live with him, not her, etc. John is spot on- the daddies get to do fun "weekend" things- there isn't structure and rules and you get to eat whatever you want, do whatever you want, etc.
My dad was all roller skating (can we say child of the 80s?) and McDonalds... so no surprise I didn't "love" my mom with chores and homework, right?
but it is a phase- eventually it will all get old.

my mom always says, if your kid doesn't tell you they hate you, you aren't doing your job.

I know it doesn't make it any easier- but hang in there, OK?

Re: My heart is breaking...

Re: My heart is breaking...

I think nrthshgrl got it right.

's and know that we are always worst to the people we love the most.

Re: My heart is breaking...

i'm so sorry Sharon, i can't imagine how mortifying it must be for you to go through this as well, after all the hell you have been living with your ex husband.

Just give her time, never stop showing her how much you love her and appreciate her, eventually her dad's true colors will come out again and she will see that.

Many prayers for you and Amber, please remain strong, you have been so far.

Re: My heart is breaking...

Posted by Tany

i'm so sorry Sharon, i can't imagine how mortifying it must be for you to go through this as well, after all the hell you have been living with your ex husband.

Just give her time, never stop showing her how much you love her and appreciate her, eventually her dad's true colors will come out again and she will see that.

Many prayers for you and Amber, please remain strong, you have been so far.

Re: My heart is breaking...

Please know that this is all yout STBX's doing....my brothers ex pulled the same stunt. But just like everything with ex's they will get tired of playing this game too.

Just keep giving Amber positive experiences with you and John....kids are more intuative than you think. She will know where the genuine love is from

Re: My heart is breaking...

Re: My heart is breaking...

Children at your daughter's age are extremely impressionable so I agree with what has been said regarding her not really meaning what she is saying. Children will repeat what is said to them without really fully understanding what they are saying. My sister's husband did this to their child when they were going through issues (she was the same age as your daughter at the time). It tore my sister apart. I'm so sorry you are going through this. If she isn't already in counseling, it may be a good idea to have her talk to someone. You all have a long road ahead of you.

Re: My heart is breaking...

I agree with what everyone else is telling you. This too, shall pass.

Please consider removing posts about this, because of the court battle. You just never know how your own words can be used, so it is better not to have your words out there. Sorry if I sound rude or paranoid but you just never know. The risk is small but it does exist.

Re: My heart is breaking...

I know this must be crushing you but I do think it's kind of a phase. I know Kiera right now is all about daddy and doesn't want me for anything. Freud actually did a study about this and it is very normal for this age. This is the age where they are envious of the opposite sex.

To make matters even more difficult for you and your daughter you have to adjust to a divorce situation which just isn't going to be easy. My parents divorced before I was even born so I know what's it's like to be part of a divorced family. She's going to go through phases. And I agree with the above posters that to her dad is probably more fun to be around because she only visits him so when she spends time with him it's always fun things. When my dad would come to visit us he would always take us places and buy us things. Whereas my mom was always the "ruler" of our lives. Of course we had fun with her but she also punished us when we misbehaved. Your ex is probably not punishing her at all so she sees him as the fun one. Plus she will always love her daddy and she will probably spend most of growing up trying to please him more than you until she gets older.

Try to hang in there. She'll come back around to you. I can tell you that I have an incredible relationship with my mom now and I barely talk to my dad. Stay strong and stick with what you're doing. I'm sure you're doing a great job.

Re: My heart is breaking...

I'm so sorry. I hope this is a fast phase for your DD.

Re: My heart is breaking...

I am sure it is just a phase for Amber. Just continue being a great mommy to her. Stay strong Sharon.

Re: My heart is breaking...