My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

First, my uncle is a priest who had married almost everybody in our family and baptized all of the babies in private ceremonies died this morning. I'm so sad. He wasn't your "typical" priest. He was loud and yelled alot, but you also always knew that he cared at the same time. When I was a little girl and needed to go to Ireland for a medical procedure that they didn't know much about here in the US, my mom didn't have the money so he gave it to her and never wanted it back. He told her "If you ever hit the Lotto, you can give it back to me then".

In the wedding ceremonies he did, his big message was "WE, not ME" meaning that as a married couple, each person now needs to consider the other when making plans, decisions, etc. and I think about it all the time. I think it is a really good message.

In the baptisms, his big message was to teach this little baby, BY EXAMPLE, to be the kind of Christian they will be proud of. He would say "if at 18, they come to you and say they want to be a Zen Buddhist and they tell you it is because they believe that is the right path, let them do it. But if they say that they want to become a Zen Buddhist becauseif you're any example of what a Christian is, then you haven't done your job for them." This really hits home for me and I try to teach my DD this way all the time. And now it really makes me sad that my new baby won't have this special baptism too.

At times, he wasn't very "popular" with the family because he didn't attend weddings for divorced family members, or for other reasons that went against what the church taught. He also wouldn't do baptisms for family if it was going to go against the rules of the church (like with the Godparents). Many family members got mad at him, and would say things like "Jeez, can't he put his job aside and just be a brother, uncle, etc." I tried to explain that this is not just his JOB, it is what he BELIEVES. It must have been difficult for him to be unpopular so that he didn't compromise his beliefs. I really admired that about him and I hope I can raise my children with those kinds of convictions.

Now for the parenting part, the wake and funeral will be in the next couple of days. I want to bring Marron but don't know what to put on her. Since she is a toddler, do I really have to put a black or brown dress/outfit on her? The only things I really have for her are a houndstooth dress from Christmas, a Christmas plaid jumper, and a brown sweater jumper that has some polka-dots on it. Is she really expected to look "funeraly"?

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

first of all i am so sorry for your loss. it sounds like you two had a special bond

second of all, i personally would never expect to see a baby or young child dressed in black or brown at a funeral - i think as long as you can avoid bright colors, anything she will wear will be acceptable.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

Condolences on your uncle He sounds like a wonderful priest, even if he was unpopular with the family sometimes.

No need for black or brown for Marron - do you have anything in gray or navy? I think the houndstooth sounds fine too. Noone willl care what she's dressed in, as long as it's not a party dress it'll be fine

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

Very sorry for your loss.

In terms of clothing, I don't think anyone expects to see a toddler in black. In fact, I'm Italian, and when I brought my 6 year old to her great grandmother's funeral, my mother took pains to expalin to me that children attending funerals should be dressed in light colors. I honestly didn't know this.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would put her in something plain with muted colors.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

As far as what to put your DD in...in my family children don't wear dark colors, even at funerals. I remember I wore a white dress to my grandmother's funeral. I was old enough to question it but my mother insisted (she wouldn't let me wear black). My cousins were in light colors too.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your uncle sounds like he was a wonderful man.

With respect to your DC, I think a simple dress is fine - no need to dress her up in dark colors.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

So sorry for your loss..

I was at a funeral just last week and there were a good amount of children there..

No need to worry about dressing her in black. Anything plain will be fine.

I saw everything from kids dressed in everyday clothes (purple and pink jumpers) to kids dressed in little suits..

I think somewhere in the middle is fine and that's how I dressed DS. I wouldn't worry about looking for the "perfect" funeral outfit.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm so sorry for your loss. We had a great uncle in my family who was a priest and baptized the babies as well, so your story struck a cord with me

As for Marron, I always think young children are supposed to wear white to wakes/funerals and I always thought that was to show their innocence.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I am so sorry for your loss.
Last week we took Joey to my grandmother's funeral, and he wore a gray suit. Like a PP said, as long as they are not bright colors, you will be fine.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I am so sorry for your loss. your uncle sounds like a wonderful person.

I dont think Marron needs to be in black at all. any plain dress or skirt type outfit would be just fine.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your uncle sounds like he was a great man.

As far as what to wear, I think any of the outfits you mentioned sound good. I'd probably just avoid bright/pastel colors, but I don't think anyone expects her in black from head to toe.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think you need to dress her in dark colors either.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a very special man. I love hearing about people who do not compromise their beliefs just to appease people and "make nice".

He has touched your life and will live on through all he taught you and what you pass on to your children.

For my Grandma's funeral last June, all I had was a white dress with yellow flowers for DD to wear. I don't think anyone thought twice about it.

Message edited 3/17/2009 9:38:04 AM.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I am so sorry for your loss!

As far as clothing, I would get a dressier outfit but not "flashy happy".

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

Thank you all for your replies and hugs. I really appreciate it. And thank you for your opinions on Marron's clothes. I'll use what I have. Thanks again.

Re: My uncle died this morning (long, but it is parenting related)

I am so sorry for your loss