Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

For the parents who have written a will and named the adults who would get custody of your DC in the event that something, God forbid, happens to both of you...

did you ask those people first? Or just add them to the will, and let them know about it afterwards?

DH and I were recently informed after the fact that our friends had named us to take guardianship of their DD (who is our goddaughter). We're both fine with that - honored, really, that they think highly enough of us to entrust us with her care if it ever came to that - but I thought it was a little odd that they didn't even mention it to us first to make sure we would accept such a huge responsibility.

DH, on the other hand, sees nothing wrong with it at all. He says because we're her godparents, that it's completely expected that we would be the ones to take her if the circumstances arose.

Thoughts?

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

100% ask first!!

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I know I wouldn't want that surprise put on me one day!

DH and I plan to ask in a few weeks before putting it officially in writing.

You never know if they even want the responsibility

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

Ask first definitely. It's a huge responsibility to inform someone that you've given them.

Last thing you'd want to do is go through re-signing wills with an attorney.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

ask first.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

def ask first.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

We asked my BIL/SIL to be guardians. That is when we found out we were their children's guardians Personally I want confirmation that someone wants my child before making the decision.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I personally would definitely ask first.

however, if I found out that one of my siblings or DH's siblings put us as their children's guardians, I would not necessarily be surprised or upset that they did not ask first.

I guess in our family, it is just understood that if something happens you would look after your nieces/nephews in a heartbeat.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I'd ask first also! In our situation, it isn't assumed the godparents would do it because the godmother is my DH's sister and the godfather is my brother so they aren't married and don't even live in the same state!

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

We named my sister as guardian. She had actually offered, but I would have definitely asked first!

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I was just asked this week to be two other girls guardian. I definitly would suggest asking first...

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I would ask too. We're in the same boat as a pp with godparents who are not in a relationship so it's not assumed.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

We asked before we named DS's guardian because we felt it was a huge responsibility to ask someone to take on. We also set up a trust that will take care of his care, education, etc. Hopefully he'll never need it but it's peace of mind for us to know he'll be taken care of if anything ever happened to DH and myself.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

OK, so based on your responses, I am NOT crazy to think they should've let us know ahead of time!

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

ask first....

that was an episode of everyone loves raymond- they asked their friend couple. who declined....better to know now then their being a scramble later on for who will take them.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I asked first, but just kind of assumed that it was a given that my parents would take DS if something happened to DH and I.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

I would always ask first. I think it is presumptuous to assume someone would take your child especially b.c there might be circumstances that they would not be able to that might not be something they want to share. While I hope if you chose someone they would be more than happy to step up - I would think there could be reasons out there someone might say no, so I would say you should always ask first.

Re: Naming guardians for your DC in a will: Ask first, or inform later?

Without a doubt ask first!