Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Long story short (for those of you that missed it): We fired our nanny about 3 weeks ago. She had been with us for 11 weeks and she was CONSTANTLY late, or no-call, no-show. We fired her on the 15th lateness...she didn't show up and we didn't hear from her until almost an hour after she was supposed to be here. She told me she "overslept". Ok...you have a 14 month-old and I haven't slept past 8am since my DD was born 2 years ago...but whatever...

So, we fired her. It wasn't on good terms. We paid her the rest of the week and sent her on her way, just to be rid of her.

Today, we got a reference call from a daycare that she applied to. My DH works from home, so he took the call. He was VERY nice--told them that she was great with the kids (mostly true) and that she'd be a great choice for them (maybe, maybe not...not sure).

But the kicker? She told the daycare that she was let go because we decided to enroll our kids in daycare full-time Could NOT have been further from the truth--we can't even AFFORD to put both our kids in daycare! I can't believe she lied to them...and I can't believe my DH went along with it! He didn't correct the person when they said that...

So, I'm curious...would you call back? Or would you leave it alone? MY DH wants me to leave it alone, but I asked the director of our daycare (DD goes 2x per week) and she said that SHE would want to know that if it was her...that she calls references in the hopes that they'll be honest about the person's character.

What would you do?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

I voted leave it alone.

Yes, it's awful that she lied to them; but I'm sure they will find out the real reason she was let go for themselves.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

if she was bad with the kids, then yes, i'd be honest


but if she was late, that is something that they will find out soon enough (and will take care of themselves)

maybe..just maybe..she cleaned up her act.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Leave it alone. You guys are done with her. If she gets tossed again and someone calls then I would tell them straight.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Leave it alone. She was good with your kids. She deserves a second chance somewhere else.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

If they called you as a reference (not former employer), yes, I probably would have given "general" info on her. I would have said that the info was incorrect at the time of the phone call but I would not call back.

If it was more of an "employer" to "employer", you really cannot go into specifics at all. You cannot say if they arrived late or not (HR people please help me out here!!!). It is my understanding that you really can only confirm the date of employment, salary and essentially if they are eligible for re-employment. If you say no to the last point, there goes the reference. You got your point across without saying anything.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Leave it alone. As you mentioned in your post she was good with kids. so maybe she has learned her lesson and won't ever be late for work, who knows . Give her a chance. You never know, maybe they'll hire her and she'll turn out to be the best employee they ever had

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Leave it alone. If I was her I would have said the exact same thing. Times are hard right now she has a child of her own and she needs a job. I read your thread about getting rid of her and you made the right choice and I am pretty sure she has learned her lesson big time with what happened. She's great with kids but horrible with time. Let them deal with any of her tardiness. Let it be.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

My phone call would be to HER and tell her that while this job "slipped" through, she should NOT be using you as a reference in the future.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Posted by tatuka

Leave it alone. As you mentioned in your post she was good with kids. so maybe she has learned her lesson and won't ever be late for work, who knows . Give her a chance. You never know, maybe they'll hire her and she'll turn out to be the best employee they ever had

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

It would bother me like crazy but I would leave it alone.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Calling back may seem like you have a personal vendetta KWIM? Leave it alone. You are done with her but if you have an email address I would contact and ask that she not use you as a reference anymore.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Posted by tatuka

Leave it alone. As you mentioned in your post she was good with kids. so maybe she has learned her lesson and won't ever be late for work, who knows . Give her a chance. You never know, maybe they'll hire her and she'll turn out to be the best employee they ever had

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



ITA!


I also agree. You never know the truth about others situations. Maybe she had something going on in her life that she did not tell you about. She has a child to care for herself and I would not go out of my way to prevent her from earning a living.

Message edited 11/17/2010 8:49:38 PM.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

I agree about not calling the day care at this point.

But I would call her, tell her she is lucky your DH answered the phone and went along with her lie and to absolutely not use you as a reference next time unless she wants them to hear the truth.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

In this case, I would leave it alone. I would have been torn if I had been the one answering the call. If she was bad with the kids, I would say that for sure. If it was lateness, maybe she will get her act together and it was a wake up call to her. I believe people need chances to start fresh unless they are a danger. But I am also a terrible liar so I don't know if I could have/would have flat out lied. If my DH had already said something, i would not call back. I'd feel like I was purposely out to hurt her for no real reason. Again, if she was bad with my kids, that would be another story.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

Leave it alone - perhaps she learned her lesson.

Times are tough and she needs a job - what she did was wrong by lying but she did what she felt she had to do.

By leaving it alone, you're officially rid of her. The longer she takes to get a job, the longer she can be a nuisance to you.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

I'd call.

If I were to hire a nanny or use a day care, because I work VERY early and can NOT be a minute late, I need that person/company to be there and open on time. It is the first question I ask any daycare: "who has the keys and what happens if that person does not show up? When do your employees come and when do your doors open?"

The reason they are calling you is to get an honest evaluation. Your nanny should not have listed you as a reference. I'd tell them she is wonderful with children, BUT has problems coming early... at the very least.

My pet peeve is people lying on their job applications. If someone lies... I do not consider them.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?

I would leave it alone. I personally feel like it's easier to give a generic reason for why she's looking for a new job than get into details and specifics of what really happened. Realistically, if she told people she was let go because she was always late and sick how do expect her to get another job? I know you may not have been too happy with her but I can't see why you would want to go out of your way to intentionally destroy her chances at another position. It didn't work out with you but it's not to say it wouldn't work out for her somewhere else so I wouldn't call and say anything, I think that's a bit malicious. If she were bad to your children that's one thing and I would speak up but not disclosing exactly why she is looking for another job is so not a big deal IMO............people do it all the time. I would leave it alone.

Re: Nanny-related: Should I leave it alone?