Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I can TOTALLY see why DH isnt ready and until recently, neitehr was I. But im nervous that Im 33 and we arent even CLOSE to TTC. I want to let him know that this is a concern but i dont wanna pressure him

PLEASE ADVISE!!!

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I wish I had some advice for you....DH and I were ready but he was with whatever happens happens until now that we have 1 year trying and nothing yet...now he walks around confused and sad that it hasn't happened. I think you should sit down and talk to him. Explain the facts to him and your fears and hopefully you will end up on the same page.

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

First of all, don't panic. 33 is not the end all - lots of woman get pregnant after 35.

Second, I would just present facts to him about declining rates of fertility for women.

After steps one and two, I would drop it. You can't pressure him.

Good Luck!

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

Im not sure I have any good advice but I would suggest that you sit down and explain to him how you feel. Tell you don't want to pressure him you just want him to understand how you feel.

My DH wasn't ready for #2 when I was and it was a struggle for a long time. I see his point as to why we should wait but then I have my reasons why I don't want to wait. It wasn't until we sat down and really talked it all out that he admited to wanting to try again but was worried. Once we talked it over we both got on the same page.

Good Luck to you and your DH

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

When my husband and i first got married I had just turned 31. Since the first day we were together I had tolkd him how much I wanted children and why. He was really ambivalent in the beginning but said maybe we could wait a year which I was fine with. Then 2 months after we were married we decided to start trying. We got pregnant on our first try. Then I had a m/c in Sept. 05. We waited until March to try again and i got PG the 2nd month and had another m/c.

Lets just say I have dealt with this some more after that. We still do not have our baby and are on the road to see 2 specialists-one I have to fly to Chicago for.

I would just explain to your husband you don't know if it will happen right away or if you will have problems and this is something thats weighing on you heavily. I used to say to my husband don't forget you have nearly a year to prepare once we find out we're pregnant.

ETA: I am 33. If you have an understanding Dr you could ask for CD 3 tests(fsh, LH and estradiol) That will give you some clues about the state of your eggs. Do you have normal cycles? (every 28-30 days with ovuilation somewhere in the middle?) Also start temping-that can tell you a lot.

Message edited 6/4/2007 11:03:49 AM.

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I was in the same position with my DH. I wanted to try and he wanted to wait a year. We just sat down and had a couple of long talks about what my concerns with waiting were and what were his reasons for not wanting to try right now. We came to a decision that we would just have fun and see what happened...well sure enough 1st month not being careful I got pregnant. I was a little worried about his reaction because it happened to quick but he was excited. We just made sure we were on the same page as far as trying.

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

We knew that we would start TTC within our first year of marriage and that is solely based on our ages (we are both 36 soon to be 37). However, I was ready right away and he was not. Nothing I would have said was going to change that so I waited. I thought my problems would be due to my age but did not have that type of issue. Instead, I had other problems - not age related at all. HOWEVER, again, they were problems that neither one of us could ever have anticipated.

All of that being said, I still would not have changed a thing. It is what it is. We both had to be ready. Now that we are BOTH in "baby mode" we are both able to deal with the problems and the subsequent joy that becoming parents will be. We took it one step at a time.

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I understand how you feel. DH is not ready either. But we have been talking about it alot and I see now why he isn't ready. So I know I have to wait for now and I am okay with it. We have decided on a timeline together that we are both good with. Maybe that will help you both, you to get through the waiting and him to get prepared. We talk about it a lot though, names, what they will look like, etc. I think it's helping us both!

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I totally understand I was ready to TTC waaaaaay before my Dh but we talked it out and came to an agreement on when we would start. As for your age, I have three cousins 1-36, 2-39 that are all pregnant and were TTC for less than a year

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I am 32 and DH is 40 and we just got married. He was not ready and neither was I for the past 6 years of our relationship. Now we are TTC because I did not want to wait any longer and risk decreased fertility. DH would have waited forever but I explained to him that the longer we waited, the higher risk of fertility issues and complications during pregnancy. I also would advise you to think about how many children you may want. If you know you want to have a few children, you will want to factor that into your timeline. Good luck!

Re: Need advice, Im ready to TTC but DH isnt

I think it's common that one partner is ready before the other and it always stinks to not be on the same page - whether it's TTC or something else entirely.

I will say that I think that guys don't quite have the understanding that we do that you don't decide you want to start trying and have a baby the next day. The idea that there may be problems with conceiving is foreign to them (despite the fact that male factor infertility accounts for about half of all infertility issues) and weirdly enough, they don't even take into account the add'l 9 mos before the kid is born.

I would maybe start gently broaching the subject and gauging the reaction. You know your DH best, you'll know how to proceed from there.