need advice kinda parenting related

dont know where to start with this but here we go.

i had a best friend in hs that we did everything together. i was friends with her in college and right before i met my husband she got pregnant. she got married quickly and then had the baby. just a little background. i was invited to the wedding but decided not to go becuase she made no effort for 4 months to call me or see me and was very hurt. was told she wasnt havinga wedding party and ended up having her sil and her friend from college in her wedding. so i was hurt i wasnt ask to be in teh wedding and to be lied to. i also used to do design work and said i would do her invitations and stuff only to get an invite to her shower the following week. i wrote her a long letter before the wedding telling her how i considered her like a sister and would have done anything for her and really hurt and upset.

fast forward 8 years now and i get a call from her on my cell that she is calling to apologize and make ammends. she had 3 children now and is a sahm. i think that she wants to have a relationship and also for our kids to grow up together. i am very hurt how our friendship ended.

my mom said dont bother calling her back and dh said do what i want. i would love some advice please.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Hmmm. Personally, no, I wouldn't get back into a friendship with someone like that. I would call back to be cordial, but I wouldn't start hanging out with that person.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

i would tell her how hurt u were. if u stay friends with her, just out real slow

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Depends on how you feel.

Do you want her back in your life?

I think wedding planning can be stressful - particuarly with a newborn. I would hate to see a friendship end over that.

BUT your mom is saying no. That tells me that maybe it was more than the wedding & baby - was she like this before she got pregnant? Were you making more of an effort on the friendship?

If that wasn't the case & if it were me, I would probably get together. You may find that you outgrew each other & are no longer interested in a friendship. You may find that you miss her & want the friendship back. Go for coffee (without the kids) & see how it goes. Sort of like dating...test the waters & flee if necessary.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

i would want her back in my life but be very cautious. she didnt want to get married or have kids and her boyfriend got her pregnant. so her mom told her she had to get married. i never got along with her boyfriend and he didnt like me becuase i tell it how it is. when they were planning the wedding i think he said to her to lose me as a friend and she listened. we have a mutual friend that we still both talk to and i occasionally ask how she is and visa versa. my friend tells me that she feels bad about what happens and yesterday she called to tell me she wants to contact me. i dont think that our friendship ended over wedding plans or invitations. you dont end a 8 year friends ship and call someone your best friend one day and then don't call them for 4 months and wonder why they dont want to come to your wedding. i just don't want to get hurt that is all..

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

I would call and take things slowly. Start out by clearing the air about what happened, and them see if you are interested in renewing your friendship and having her kids meet yours. 8 years is a long time, I know I've matured a lot since having my first child.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Life is too short - sometimes people change, sometimes they don't - but if you really were close I would call her back. Take it slow - and see if she did in fact change.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

i think that people get swept away sometimes and lose their heads in situations like she was in.. he was telling her not to be friends with you... she had to make a choice.. the fact that she is calling you after 8 years tells me she has been regretting that choice for a long time and still thinks of you.. it was probably a big step for her to call. i was in a very similar situation. my best friend *and maid of honor did not show up at my wedding 12 years ago.. she called in a similar way and we worked things out.. it was worth the talk. she is my best friend and has grown up alot. Take it slow, be cautious but give another chance.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

I would call her and take it slow, don't have any expectations. I had a friend and we "broke up" over her wedding, she emailed me about 5 years ago and now we are super close and I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

thanks ladies. i'm going to call her on monday when i have no distractions and see how it goes. i am not going to get my hopes up and see what happens. just find it wierd that im due any day now with my second child and she calls now?

katedevine - yes being blunt sometimes gets you in trouble but thats who i am and wouldnt change for the world.



let you ladies know how i do.

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

I kind of went through a similar situation. Had a best friend from middle school to being college roommates etc. She met a guy and married him. He didn't like that I was her single friend and gave her a really hard time about hanging out with me. I was really hurt that she gave in to him and pretty much stopped calling me etc. Fast forward 4 years....she called my parents house and left a message that she just wanted to say hi....I never called her back. I later heard she was diagnosed with cancer (at 32) and decided life was too short to hold grudges. I saw her for the first time in years when she came over to see Jack a few months after he was born. The last time I saw her was at his 1st birthday party before she passed. I know this is a very dramatic story with a sad ending.....but I sure am glad I picked up the phone.

I'd call, what can it really harm?

Re: need advice kinda parenting related

Follow your heart. Relationships can heal. Wedding parties are often a regrettable choice and children change things. If your heart says to call her maybe you can talk and at least find a comfortable level of friendship again.