Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

For a little background: I went back to work p/t 2 days a week when DS was about 10 1/2 mo. old. DH was home with him on Mondays and my mom watched him on Thursdays. About 6 months later, after speaking with my boss, he asked if I would be able to work another day. I talked it over with my mom and she said she would have no problem watching DS 2 days a week, so Thursday and Friday. I leave for work around 10 and get home around 5:30. DS still naps so he naps for about 2 1/2 - 3 hrs. a day for her.

I looked into p/t daycare or having someone come to my house to watch DS for that 1 extra day so it wasnt too much on my mom, but couldnt find anything that worked. Part of the problem is DH is a cop. He is off on Mondays so he watches DS with no problem. The problem with getting somene other than my mom in to watch DS is sometimes DH is home during the day, sometimes he's not. I can't see paying someone to be here when DH is home or having to pay them for a day they dont have to work b/c DH is home, KWIM?

Anyway, the past few months it seems like it has become almost a hassle for my mom to watch DS. I have brought it up to her and mentioned looking into alternatives but she gets insulted and says she doesnt want anyone else watching her grandson, this is her time with her grandson, etc. but yet makes it seem like such a chore. DH has said for some time that he doestn think my mom wants to watch DS anymore but I never saw it until recently. My parents are both retired so they have plenty of free time.

I was thinking about looking for someone to watch DS for Thursday and Friday during the summer to give her a break. It is just inconvenient b/c of DH's work schedule. For example, this Thursday DH is working 9-5 but Friday 4-12. His schedule is never consistant. I can't get someone to wait around for me and when I'm available, that's why my mom has been such a huge help.

What would you do in my situation?


ETA: My other option is my cousin just graduated from college and doesnt have a job b/c she is waiting to here from grad school. I can ask her to watch DS for me once in awhile but not sure how much I should pay her a day? I work from approx. 10-5:30.

Message edited 5/26/2009 5:59:56 PM.

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS

my mom takes care of DS mon-fri

since your mom still says she wants to do it, but you suspect the novelty is wearing off, or her patience is wearing thin, I'll tell you what I did to smooth things over....

You shouldn't reliquish her 'duties' unless she wants to have them diminished... it would likely upset her (as if she's not doing a good enough job). You should somehow test the waters occassionally and see if she wants a break or to stop....

Mom wanted to take care of eryk, but he was a PIA (I say this with love ) becuase he was having major growth spurts and was a super-fusspot. To have mom see his good side, and see how much we appreciate her help, we include her in 'family activities'... for example, we went to huntington to walk around and get lunch with DS and asked mom if she wanted to come along.... that way, she can occassionally see DS without being the caretaker.

since she hates to cook, we also occassionally bring her home-cooked dinner when we pick-up DS... she really likes that... and we do chores around her house that are too strenuous or $$ for her to do herself.

Mom is very happy with all of the attention, she can see past the fusspot moments, and both mom and DS get to bond.... priceless all around

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

Thanks....those are good ideas. We try to show our appreciation as much as we can. I see my parents alot (I am an only child). I am thinking about inviting my parents with us to take him to Dutch Wonderland in June.

I also put him in a day camp 1 day a week at our Mommy and Me school on Thursdays so she wouldnt have to pick him up until 12 and than he goes down for a nap from 1-4 so she would technically only have to "watch" him for 2 hours on Thursdays.

i just can't imagine anyone but my parents watching my kids...I trust them whole heartedly.

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

You have FM

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

I know exactly what you mean! My dh is a cop as well and his rotating shifts is a catch 22. It's great that he's home a lot (he watches Jacen 90% of the time), but it also stinks because of childcare. Like you said, most places or people who does this for their income... want a set amount of days each week and want to be paid for that amount regardless. It really is such a waste to pay for 5 days if you only need 1 or 2 that week.

My MIL and SIL watch ds. My SIL works PT and used to watch him here and there. She since lost her job and watches him quite a bit instead of my MIL.

My FIL and MIL are both retired. Both my husband and i have always felt that they really didn't want to watch ds, but felt obligated to. They used to watch my nephew a lot, but only here and there recently. They always said when we had a child they would watch him/her no problem. My ds used to be a real handful, but not as much anymore. Either way, my husband and i have always felt like it was a hassle for them to watch him. Just from comments here or there.

But the thing is... they only watch him maybe 4 full days a month (depending on when his day shifts fall- i work M-F). Otherwise they watch him maybe 2 or 3 hours a day. Sometimes not at all. Ds takes 2 naps a day. So we don't understand what the big deal is.

Anyways, it is what it is and we can't afford to pay for someone to watch ds right now. So they have to s*ck it up!

Honestly, i would continue to let your mother watch ds the 2 days a week. Or maybe present to her the idea of having your cousin watch him every other week to give her a reprieve and see what she says to that.

I just think that for your mom or my MIL to watch them... i do think they love spending that time with them. But i also think that sometimes they forget that it takes work and it is tiring sometimes.

Message edited 5/26/2009 8:12:43 PM.

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

My DH is also a cop, and his days off rotate, so we were undesirable to any daycare facility. I mean the big chain ones.

I looked into home daycares where the people are flexible with the days and that is where I found the best match. DS only goes twice a week, sometimes three. But the women I interviewed who did home daycare seemed very flexible.

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

If your mom says she still wants to watch him, and she doesn't want anyone else watching him, I would stick with her. Just let her know that if it ever becomes too much for her, to let you know and you'll find an alternative.

Some people (my mom) like to complain about things even though they aren't really a bother....it could be the case that your mother is acting like it's an burden to watch your son just because she's in the thick of it and it can be overwhelming. But when it really comes down to it, she loves spending the time with him!

Just a thought.

Re: Need advice re:my mom watching DS (sorry...long)

My mom is the same way, even though I know she likes to have DS. I work Friday overnights so she watches him every other Sat. (my MIL does the other Sat.). Well she calls me the other day to tell me she can't wach him for the next 2 Sat.(and she didn't have him this week) and basically tells me that I should just watch him and not sleep Luckily my MIL will pick up the slack, but it's annoying and I feel bad because MIL works FT during the week (my mom has been a SAHM most of her life). If I could find daycare for a Saturday I totally would do it, I think it would be good for DS to socialize. Unfortunately I don't know of any Saturday daycares out here So I am going to keep having her watch him and just hope she doesn't keep backing out all summer long as her social calendar gets booked up