need some advice- its been awhile- ETA: i chickened out!!!!!

I haven't really posted much about my dating scenerio lately. As of now, I've been seeing the guy I met on St. Patrick's Day... I can't even count how many dates we have been on. I've been to the U2 concert with him, have been to his house several times, he's been to mine- even met mrswask on the boardwalk!!
asked me to a wedding in July... So things are really going well. I met his brother and sister and law one time when I was up at his house- hes met my sister/brother in law and my traveling buddy christine when he came down here.
We speak everyday.....

sorry its long but i had to set up the background..

this is the question.. I am starting to fall for this guy. Every time I see him it gets harder when he leaves to go back home (he lives about an hour away) We don't see each other every weekend since he is a cop and is on a rotating schedule... we try our best though with opposite schedules.
At this point I kind of want to know where things are great, but I don't like to ASSUME anything plus I am very sensitive and do not want my heart broken again..

I know at this stage in my life we dont say the typical, will you be my boyfriend or something silly like that but I want to know if I am the only one he's dating, are we a couple?
I just dont know how to bring it up?I dont want to scare him by thinking I want to jump into anything too serious if hes not ready. I like the way things are but I know me.
in the beginning, I could care less, but now I am starting to care and if I found out he was dating others, I would be upset at this point.

I just don't know how to approach this conversation.. I just don't want it to backfire because things are going so well. any suggestions??? sorry so long...



Just got home- hes doing 8-4's today so I left when he left. We had a great night- dinner drinks etc... but I didnt bring it up.... I hate being such a chicken.....

Message edited 6/18/2005 8:53:53 AM.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

i know this sounds stupid but i just put it out there honestly..

just would say..well ya know i have been lovin the time we spend together and i was just wondering how you feel about it? The rest usually comes naturally

ETA...i would say...well when i am really happy i usually do not see anyone else? Do you?

Message edited 6/16/2005 10:05:06 PM.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Kris - I know it must be so hard! I really can't think of any advice better than Jen's - you just have to be open and upfront with him. He seemed like a very down to earth guy and he will prob be relieved that you brought it up! I know both of you have been hurt and I'm sure he isn't looking to play games either!
Good luck sweetie!! I have a feeling things will go your way!

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

I know what I have to do and that is have a conversation about it. I guess I am just a little nervous.......Getting back on this dating horse after my annulment has been a little tough...
Thanks everyone!!!

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Posted by mrswask

Kris - I know it must be so hard! I really can't think of any advice better than Jen's - you just have to be open and upfront with him. He seemed like a very down to earth guy and he will prob be relieved that you brought it up! I know both of you have been hurt and I'm sure he isn't looking to play games either!
Good luck sweetie!! I have a feeling things will go your way!

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

I'm keeping my fingers crossed,and praying for happiness for both of you.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

good luck, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

it is VERY HARD
But i kinda admit....i miss the rush and excitement of a new relationship
those stomach turning moment

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Posted by kdelace

Posted by mrswask

Kris - I know it must be so hard! I really can't think of any advice better than Jen's - you just have to be open and upfront with him. He seemed like a very down to earth guy and he will prob be relieved that you brought it up! I know both of you have been hurt and I'm sure he isn't looking to play games either!
Good luck sweetie!! I have a feeling things will go your way!

thanks michal- i was actually going to talk to you about this earlier but you signed off......

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Yep, I'm with the others. In casual conversation you might find an opening and you might be able to put it out there in a lighthearted way that will be comfortable for both of you. That was how it happened with my husband- I was so anxious about bringing it up, and then it came up sort of naturally.

If you can stand to wait another month or so until the wedding, how he introduces you to people will be telling. BUT weddings are a big deal and I think it's significant (in a good way) that he asked you. He would not have done that if he wasn't really into you, IMO.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

You can build into it slowly, to judge his reaction too. If he starts getting uncomfortable then you can change your tone ..
Try something like
" So I think this is going good between us, Dont you.."

Can I ask you..how often do you all talk say on the phone? And do you talk on the weekends when you dont hang out?

Is it something like he calls once a week and you make you plans for a following week, or do talk more often??

and has he ever said anything like " I enjoy spending time with you?" Or something to you other then " I had a good time" after a date?

eta- OK..I missed the "we speak every day part...my bad" ...if you two are talking every day I would honestly say he is more then a little interested..and it should be ok to approach him with talking about where your at. I have had casual relationships and we didnt talk too often, and it sounds to me based on what you've written that hes probably on the same page.

Message edited 6/16/2005 10:18:31 PM.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Posted by mrswask

Posted by Redhead


But i kinda admit....i miss the rush and excitement of a new relationship
those stomach turning moment

Ahhh - those weak in the knees kisses...
What happened????

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

Posted by dm24angel


Can I ask you..how often do you all talk say on the phone? And do you talk on the weekends when you dont hang out?

Is it something like he calls once a week and you make you plans for a following week, or do talk more often??

and has he ever said anything like " I enjoy spending time with you?" Or something to you other then " I had a good time" after a date?

thats the thing.. we do speak every night.. when we dont see each other on the weekends we speak.. he tells me he misses me. everything points in the direction I think its going in but again I am not one to ASSUME anything.. He also went through a divorce after 2 years of marriage and was hurt by it.
Ive been introduced to several people by him and its always, This is Kristi..... I am making a big deal oout of nothing but this kind of thing makes me a little nervous...

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

First, let me start by saying that I am so happy for you. I am so happy that you see what's out there and that you deserve happiness. I know first hand how tough it is to get back out there once you go through a divorce...but it sounds like you are being treated like the wonderful, strong woman that you are

With that being said, I agree with Jen. You just need to put it out there, and the conversation will happen.

Good luck

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

he may be feeling the same as you..unsure....I think it definatly sounds like your ont he same page, I really do. HE wouldnt say he missed you.

UGH...hang in there girl!!!

LEt us know what ends up happening ok?

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

I agree with what everyone has already said. It sounds like the two of you have already established good, open communication, so once you broach the subject, it should flow. I know it's not easy to bring up. I'm glad to hear things are going well for you. Good luck!

Re: need some advice- its been awhile

first - I'm so happy that things are going well with this guy!! that's awesome!

To me it sounds like he is serious in his own way (without saying the words). I always look for the signs - meeting the family, him asking you to future events, etc - you have all of that going on...

Maybe because of your history he is waiting for you to bring it up? I think you should talk to him this weekend to just clarify that you're both on the same page (IMO you are)

Have a great weekend!

Re: need some advice- its been awhile- ETA: i chickened out!!!!!

can I possibly get away with it by having this on the phone?????????????????I mean we dont see each other every day due to work and living an hour away...

Message edited 6/18/2005 8:56:07 AM.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile- ETA: i chickened out!!!!!

any updates?

Did you talk?

eta: I just saw your edit. nah, I wouldn't do it on the phone. It's easier, yes, but you won't be able to interpret body language or anything like that if it's over the phone.

Message edited 6/18/2005 9:00:00 AM.

Re: need some advice- its been awhile- ETA: i chickened out!!!!!