Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice..UPDATE-Back from DR's appt..

DD always has been a great sleeper, these teeth are killing us and mix that with some separation anxiety only at night, we are soo tired and can't function during the day. I am 21 weeks pg, and DH is so blurry eyed at work, we don't know what to do anymore.

For the last week, DD has been waking up 1-2 times a night SCREAMING Uncontrollably, You can't comfort her, she doesn't want to be picked up, she doesn't want to go in her crib, she doesn't want to go into our bed, this goes on for 2-3 hours at a time. Dh & I wind up pacing the hallways for hours trying to get her calm down, giving her tylenol, motrin, mylicon and after shear exhaustion and a couple ounces of her bottle she settles down and sleeps. This happened for 4 nights.

Last night, she woke up screaming bloody murder at 3am, like someone was hurting her, She didn't want DH, only me and as soon as i picked her up she stopped crying and went back to sleep, i sat with her for 15 mins and tried to put her down, only screaming again, this went on for 2 hours, picking her up falling asleep, putting her down in her crib, screaming, picking her up again. Finally at 5am, exhausted, i put her down in our bed next to us and she stayed out cold and slept with me til 8am.

We are out at a loss, we have no clue what to do, her 4th tooth broke through on Sat and we are exhausted, i am pg and need my rest, i am ready for bed by 3pm every day, DH is exhausted too, he has high stress technical job and grad school 2 nights a week.

I broke down hysterical crying last night, i just don't know what to do anymore, i am exhausted, tired, and heartbroken that we can't comfort our child and we are so scared we are hurting her sleep habits that used to be so good. I have no clue if this is true separation anxiety, teething, or just a developmental thing. I have read articles online, the no cry sleep solution, nothing seems to apply to this situation i have found yet.

This has been going on and off for at least 2 months and we can't do this anymore, I never saw my hubby break down like this either last night, it's so heartbreaking. She is normally a great sleeper and always was since was a newborn.

My family is telling us she's just being bratty and let her cry it out, but we can't let her cry like this for more than 5 min's, so i know CIO is def out for us, we agreed we would never let her really scream and cry for more than 5 mins, especially since separation anxiety fear is so real to her.

What gets us, is that she has no problem with her daytime naps, she goes down, by herself at 10 and 2 everyday with no fight and sleeps a 1/2-and hour at a time. It's just the middle of the night.

Ant advice or suggestions or what worked or helps is much appreciated. We are at a point of desperation.



UPDATE: Just got back from the dr. NO EAR infection, nothing is medically wrong with her. She thinks might be night terrors since she is fine for naps and sleeping during the day. Even suggested we could give her benadryl to calm her down.
Back to square one

Message edited 3/5/2007 4:56:06 PM.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

I feel for you..I wish I had advice. The thing I was going to say was CIO b/c it sounds like my son. I didn't want to do it but my husband said we needed to. We went in every 5 minutes the first night, for 2 hours. Then the next night it went down to 40 minutes of crying and going in every 10 minutes. Now only once in a while does he cry when he goes to sleep. That's my experience, I wish I had another alternative for you!

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Random question, I know, but does she sleep in the dark, or does she have a night light?

She may be waking up scared, and I'm sure the teething is exacerbating it. If you don't use a nightlight, I suggest you start using one.

We experienced the same thing around the same age. I think it was a combo of being scared, separation anxiety, new milestones and some teething. I work full-time as an attorney, and DH has two jobs, so we couldn't do it. Fortunately for us, Alex adapted well to CIO and that's what we used. If you don't use CIO, try to think of other ways she can soothe herself back to sleep. Does she use a paci? If so, keep a few in her crib - she can grab one and go back to sleep (Alex did this just last night - woke up SCREAMING at 11pm, searched for her paci, found it and went right back to sleep).

Does she have a favorite toy/stuffed animal? It's strange, but, once we introducted the "sleepy-saurus" to Alex, she has slept MUCH better. When she goes to sleep she cuddles with it. When she wakes up in the night, she grabs her paci, and her sleepy-saurus, and cuddles back to sleep. It may help even more if you sleep with the stuffed animal for a few nights first so it has your "scent". If not that, maybe put one of your old t-shirts that you've worn a few times in her crib.

I know how hard it is - I've been there.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

is she eating something new? WE went through this too with Alyson and it was teething. WE let her cry because it got to the point she'd wake 5 times a night.

Could it be night terrors? Have you tried putting something that smells like you in her crib? If it's your comfort she wants, that may do the trick.

We went through a phase where I felt she was sleeping better if she was eating certain things at dinner, like potatoes. I won't give her anything that might make her gassy for dinner.

Maybe it's a growth spurt and she needs that extra feeding right now? Have you tried the teething tablets? Is she uncomfortable--air too warm or too cool? too dry?

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Yikes! I don't know what to say... I actually felt your "cry for help" in your post...

Umm... does she seem scared in the middle of the night? Does she have a nightlight on in her room? What about some safe toys at the foot of her crib? I will NOT be one to tell you to have her CIO - I have never done it with my own child (personal choice) so I will not tell someone else to do it.

I'm really not sure what to suggest... what about picking her up, soothing her, putting her down until she gets the picture. You will be exhausted, but she should get the idea eventually... find a method and stick with it... I know you're at your breaking point so I hope something works soon! When she naps in the AM and afternoon, lay down and put the rest of the housework on hold. You need to rest - even if it's a 1/2 hour to an hour 2 times per day!

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Posted by Bxgell2

Random question, I know, but does she sleep in the dark, or does she have a night light?

She may be waking up scared, and I'm sure the teething is exacerbating it. If you don't use a nightlight, I suggest you start using one.

We experienced the same thing around the same age. I think it was a combo of being scared, separation anxiety, new milestones and some teething. I work full-time as an attorney, and DH has two jobs, so we couldn't do it. Fortunately for us, Alex adapted well to CIO and that's what we used. If you don't use CIO, try to think of other ways she can soothe herself back to sleep. Does she use a paci? If so, keep a few in her crib - she can grab one and go back to sleep (Alex did this just last night - woke up SCREAMING at 11pm, searched for her paci, found it and went right back to sleep).

Does she have a favorite toy/stuffed animal? It's strange, but, once we introducted the "sleepy-saurus" to Alex, she has slept MUCH better. When she goes to sleep she cuddles with it. When she wakes up in the night, she grabs her paci, and her sleepy-saurus, and cuddles back to sleep. It may help even more if you sleep with the stuffed animal for a few nights first so it has your "scent". If not that, maybe put one of your old t-shirts that you've worn a few times in her crib.

I know how hard it is - I've been there.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Is she taking two 1/2 hour naps a day (as in 30 minutes) or 1.5 hours?

I was thinking something food related too. Something causing gas. 10 months is about the time separation anxiety sets in but it sounds like she's in pain.

From your post it does seem like she's training you to come get her since she only cries for 5 minutes but if she's screaming in pain that's different.

We were CIO failures too.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Posted by sweetness

Posted by Bxgell2

Random question, I know, but does she sleep in the dark, or does she have a night light?

She may be waking up scared, and I'm sure the teething is exacerbating it. If you don't use a nightlight, I suggest you start using one.

We experienced the same thing around the same age. I think it was a combo of being scared, separation anxiety, new milestones and some teething. I work full-time as an attorney, and DH has two jobs, so we couldn't do it. Fortunately for us, Alex adapted well to CIO and that's what we used. If you don't use CIO, try to think of other ways she can soothe herself back to sleep. Does she use a paci? If so, keep a few in her crib - she can grab one and go back to sleep (Alex did this just last night - woke up SCREAMING at 11pm, searched for her paci, found it and went right back to sleep).

Does she have a favorite toy/stuffed animal? It's strange, but, once we introducted the "sleepy-saurus" to Alex, she has slept MUCH better. When she goes to sleep she cuddles with it. When she wakes up in the night, she grabs her paci, and her sleepy-saurus, and cuddles back to sleep. It may help even more if you sleep with the stuffed animal for a few nights first so it has your "scent". If not that, maybe put one of your old t-shirts that you've worn a few times in her crib.

I know how hard it is - I've been there.

She does have a nightlight, she has a teething blanket she sleeps with and hugs all night, we weaned her from her paci at 9 months old.

Beth i am so sorry to shoot down all those great suggestions.

how would CIO work though in this situation if it could be separation anxiety? Isn't that a true fear that they are scared we are gone? This started when her teeth starting coming in at 8-8.5 months old, she just turned 10 months.

She's a strong willed baby, she can be laid back at times, but she was never a clingy baby that needs to be held all the time baby. She likes her space and her time.

Should I not be picking her up at night? She just stands in her crib and screams, wont lie down even we put her back down over and over again.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Barb-Yep 2 naps lasting 1/2 hour to one one hour, she's done this for months, it's amazing i get Anything done during the day.

I just called our PED and made an appt for today at 4, I didn't even think of an ear infection.

For the last two weeks or so, we have been giving her new foods, she's been having a little of what we eat during dinner. Could it be too much on her system too soon? Then causing night waking?

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

good call on the possible ear infection Beth!

We too give her Motrin before bedtime, not when she wakes up. It certainly helps.

Have you considered giving the paci back? It's good for teething and might be the comfort she is looking for.....babies have the sucking reflex till they are 3 years old (I think....).

You could give it to her just at nap/bedtime which is what we do (and we take it with us when we go out in public just in case)

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

First, let me say I feel so very sorry for you and your little one. I read your post a number of times to make sure I understood what you were saying. I don't think she is being "bratty". I, also, don't think it is separation anxiety. If it was either of the two, then, when you picked her up she would calm down and you could comfort her, which you say doesn't happen. She, also, naps quite well during the day (I assume in her crib). It's, also, not happening when you first put her down. So, she gets to sleep and then wakes screaming in the middle of the night. I am sure her teething has some role to play in this, but, it, also, sounds to me like night terrors. If a child wakes up screaming and it is difficult to sooth them, this is a strong possibility. I am not a proponent of co-sleeping (I am sure you know if you read my other posts). However, this might help. I would calm her down as best I could, bring her into bed with me until she was in a deep sleep and then slip her back in her crib. I, certainly, wouldn't let her cry it out. Hopefully, they would subside and she would get back to her regular pattern. If she is not hungry or needs to be changed, this may be a possibility. I went through this a couple times with my girls. If this is the problem, there, really, is nothing to do but wait it out.

I don't know if any of this will help, but, just remember, this will pass. Everything does. Hang in there. Both you and your husband are doing a wonderful job.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

I have 2 boys that went through phases like this... although I was not pg when it happened so my heart goes out to you! Im sure there are some people who would disagree with this idea but it worked for us when nothing else did, and now they sleep 11 hours at night!
My boys jumped out of their cribs a few times, and fearing a broken bone and knowing that they weren't ready for toddler beds, we put at air mattress on the floor that covered the ground infront of their cribs. Long story short...they went through something similar to what you are describing, and when we would go in their and lay on the mattress they would settle in! I guess they thought it was funny or different enough to keep them in their cribs and calm. Maybe you could try sitting on her floor in front of her... rub her back till she stops crying, or hold her hand?
Do you have family near by that could watch her for one night this weekend so you and DH could get a good nights sleep? I bet that would do wonders for both of you at this point!
Good luck! I hope things settle down soon for you

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

We went thru something similar with DS. It was along the lines of what Maathy was saying - Night Terrors - he would wake up with blood curdling screams, and no matter what we did, we couldn't soothe him. In essence he was still sleeping. This went on for a while. I would jump out of my skin from his screaming.
I have no solution, cuz eventually, he stopped - but it went on for a couple of weeks.


I hope you find out whats bothering her.....

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

I too really feel for you! My dd is only 6months, but has had a few very similar nights like you described. When I would go in and try to settle her down nothing worked and she only became more hysterical. I ended up being in her room for hours on end. First, I took her to the doctor to rule out any medical problems and then I started letting her cry. I never let her cry for more than 10mins at a time I would go in, not talk to her, not pick her up, but sushing and rubbing her belly. Just letting her know that I"m there and everything is ok. Once she was some what calm I would leave. This really seems to have helped and she will go back to sleep on her own most nights. I wish I had another suggestion for you and I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. !

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Could she have an ear infection?

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Posted by Maathy317

First, let me say I feel so very sorry for you and your little one. I read your post a number of times to make sure I understood what you were saying. I don't think she is being "bratty". I, also, don't think it is separation anxiety. If it was either of the two, then, when you picked her up she would calm down and you could comfort her, which you say doesn't happen. She, also, naps quite well during the day (I assume in her crib). It's, also, not happening when you first put her down. So, she gets to sleep and then wakes screaming in the middle of the night. I am sure her teething has some role to play in this, but, it, also, sounds to me like night terrors. If a child wakes up screaming and it is difficult to sooth them, this is a strong possibility. I am not a proponent of co-sleeping (I am sure you know if you read my other posts). However, this might help. I would calm her down as best I could, bring her into bed with me until she was in a deep sleep and then slip her back in her crib. I, certainly, wouldn't let her cry it out. Hopefully, they would subside and she would get back to her regular pattern. If she is not hungry or needs to be changed, this may be a possibility. I went through this a couple times with my girls. If this is the problem, there, really, is nothing to do but wait it out.

I don't know if any of this will help, but, just remember, this will pass. Everything does. Hang in there. Both you and your husband are doing a wonderful job.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Posted by momoftwins


My boys jumped out of their cribs a few times, and fearing a broken bone and knowing that they weren't ready for toddler beds, we put at air mattress on the floor that covered the ground infront of their cribs. Long story short...they went through something similar to what you are describing, and when we would go in their and lay on the mattress they would settle in! I guess they thought it was funny or different enough to keep them in their cribs and calm. Maybe you could try sitting on her floor in front of her... rub her back till she stops crying, or hold her hand?
Do you have family near by that could watch her for one night this weekend so you and DH could get a good nights sleep? I bet that would do wonders for both of you at this point!
Good luck! I hope things settle down soon for you

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

definitely taking her to the ped is a good idea. you always want to rule out something medical before you address an issue as "behavioral." i was also thinking ear infection, but since you said she has been on prevacid, is it possible that she has habituated to the meds and that the reflux is waking her up at night? maybe you should try giving her some mylanta prior to bedtime and see if that helps. thats what we did with hannah when her reflux was really, really bad. just make sure that mylanta is okay with prevacid. also, if she is trying new foods and is gassy, the mylanta has simethicone in it. hope that helps. ultimately, check with your pediatrician, i am sure he/she will be able to help.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice

Posted by sweetness

Posted by Maathy317

First, let me say I feel so very sorry for you and your little one. I read your post a number of times to make sure I understood what you were saying. I don't think she is being "bratty". I, also, don't think it is separation anxiety. If it was either of the two, then, when you picked her up she would calm down and you could comfort her, which you say doesn't happen. She, also, naps quite well during the day (I assume in her crib). It's, also, not happening when you first put her down. So, she gets to sleep and then wakes screaming in the middle of the night. I am sure her teething has some role to play in this, but, it, also, sounds to me like night terrors. If a child wakes up screaming and it is difficult to sooth them, this is a strong possibility. I am not a proponent of co-sleeping (I am sure you know if you read my other posts). However, this might help. I would calm her down as best I could, bring her into bed with me until she was in a deep sleep and then slip her back in her crib. I, certainly, wouldn't let her cry it out. Hopefully, they would subside and she would get back to her regular pattern. If she is not hungry or needs to be changed, this may be a possibility. I went through this a couple times with my girls. If this is the problem, there, really, is nothing to do but wait it out.

I don't know if any of this will help, but, just remember, this will pass. Everything does. Hang in there. Both you and your husband are doing a wonderful job.

this is why we are so confused, she does fine during the day for naps, i put her down in her crib, give the blankie and she goes to sleep on her own with not even a peep.
She goes to sleep at night too in her crib, falls asleep on her own. her bedtime is 7-7:30, sometimes earlier if her cues tell me. The last weeks she's up at within 3-4 hours of falling asleep and then again.

I don't believe in co sleeping either. We put her in our bed last night out of sheer exhaustion from not sleeping the last couple nights. When she was younger and wouldn't sleep in her crib-she still has her reflux issues too, we would let her fall asleep with us next to her at night above the covers not letting her touch us, then slip her into her crib to sleep the rest of the night away. This might be our last option once nothing works.

Now it makes me wonder, we tried to wean her a month ago from her Prevacid for her reflux, and was unsuccessful, i wonder if it's worse than it was, she's been on 15mcg prevacid since 10 weeks old.

We are so scared of undoing her awesome sleeping habits and creating more of an issue when I need her to keep on her sleeping schedule, especially with a newborn coming in July and the sleep deprivation that goes with a new baby, i need one of them to sleep

Sorry for the rambling post...

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice..UPDATE-Back from DR's appt..

Updated above

Back to square one...i am soo tired i could fall asleep right now...
I really need to sleep tonight.

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice..UPDATE-Back from DR's appt..

try making sure her nasal passages are clear before bed - use a baby aspirator this may seem strange but night terrors are connected to mouth breathers

Re: Need some advice, please...We are exhausted and out of solutions..Long..I really need your advice..UPDATE-Back from DR's appt..

I'm so sorry to hear this We were going through something so similar lately. I can only tell you from my own experience what has worked. I know you do not want her to CIO, so obviously what worked for us is not an option for you, but one piece of advice I took away from Ferber's book is that babies get used to their sleep conditions and freak out if they wake up and have to deal with a new situation.
For example, if she goes to bed every night with you rubbing her back, then wakes up in the middle of the night and you're not there, that's going to freak her out and keep her from being able to go back to sleep. For us, we realized it was something we never would have thought of that was bothering her in the middle of the night. She shares a room with us, so we would put the tv on at night on mute so that when we came to bed, we could see where we were going, etc. Well, she must have gotten used to falling asleep with the tv on, and then when she'd wake up and didn't have that accomodation because we turned it off, she couldn't go back to sleep.
We've been keeping the tv off now, and she sleeps much better because when she goes to bed, it's the exact same conditions in which she wakes up to in the middle of the night.
Did that make sense? Maybe take a look at your bedtime routine with her and see if you find anything that might need adjusting. Probably a long shot, but I thought I'd try!