Need some of your thoughts on this...

Sorry for such a long post, please bare with me.....

A little background.....my ds is 3 and speech delayed. We have been told he is about 6 months to almost a year behind in speech / maturity. He is going to a specialized preschool for speech / language and gets speech 2 x a week there. He is doing very well and uses his PECS book to communicate (pictures that he gives us to show us his wants and has started saying a few words..okay, here is the question.

I get a note from his teacher today (they have a notebook that we write in to communicate) and tells me that he has been tantruming for the last three days upon arrival and at the end of the day in circle time. She goes on to explain that he is throwing himself on the floor and "we have to catch him so he doesn't hurt himself"...and says this is behavior that we can't ignore. OKay....so...first my dh and I are both teachers so I do look at this in two ways when reading these notes (as a parent and teacher), second, if this has been going on for three days shouldn't she have contacted me sooner? Next, I did explain to her a bit ago that we were in the mist of potty training and he has been getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (on his own, not that I'm requiring this) but I do think this may be affecting his sleep. I also feel that if they are telling me that he is about a year behind, technically making him a bit over 2 years old and with a speech delay....isn't the tantruming normal at this point b/c of his frustration in not being able to communicate clearly? His teacher is on the young side (teaching for about 3years)...not that I'm saying that is a bad thing...I was once a new teacher myself)...BUT I do feel sometimes the way she words things are not the best way for example using the terms "this is behavior we can't ignore" Is she trying to tell me something else?

I think being a parent / teacher is sometimes harder when you have a child with special needs...I tend to look into everything with a fine tooth comb.

At this point, I'm not sure how to respond? I did write her back letting her know that he has not had many tantrums at home and if and when he does my dh and I will say "tell or show us what you want." If he doesn't want to then we walk away and let him tantrum.....he has realized that the tantrums don't work with mom and dad and they have significantly stopped. Is there anything else I should respond with? Do you think I'm being overly sensitive? I need all honesty please....thanks!

Message edited 12/11/2008 6:01:52 PM.

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

Hi Leslie,

I think tantrums are totally normal for his age. If he is only having them when he first arrives, and when they have circle time, I would think something about those times are bothering him. Like you said, he cannot totally communticate, so he has a tantrum.

I'm not really sure what type of response she is looking for. I would think she would have worded it to say... He is having a tantrum at these times, we are doing XYZ to solve the problem.

I think your response was appropriate. If it were me, and the problem continues, I would go up to the school to observe him at those times. Other than that I'm not sure what you could do.

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

i would request that they look more into why tihs is happening. every behavior has an antecedent. if it is happening the same time everyday, then perhaps they should modify the activity they are doing? do they use a visual schedule in the classroom? that to me is a crucial tool, especially for children who are delayed. it lets them know what is coming next.

could it be that he needs to use the bathroom at those times? maybe ithey take him to the bathroom BEFORE the times they know he tantrums.

if you want, feel free to fm me and i can email you some data sheets that i use in schools to track behavioral issues. it may be handy to see if there is a trend.

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

Thank you ladies for responding so quickly! I have mentioned the potty thing to them numerous times...I'll reiterate in my response.

Groovypeg you fm!

THanks again

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

I agree with what everyone else wrote. Maybe you can call the teacher also instead of just writing in the notebook.

DS is also in a preschool and has the same issues your son has. I am able to pick him up and drop him off, so if there was a problem they will tell me directly. It is hard to really understand what is happening with your DS from that short note.

Good luck! It can be so HARD to figure them out sometimes! The speech delay can be so frustrating for our kids and us.

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

Message edited 9/12/2009 2:17:36 PM.

Re: Need some of your thoughts on this...

Thanks for all the replies. I spoke with the teacher on Friday afternoon and she told me that she must have missed the note (the four of them to be exact) that I wrote about going to the potty.....when they took him when he arrived at school he went and she told me he was great for the rest of the day.

Porrruss...thank you for your honesty and yes as a parent sometimes I am a bit sensitive about things happening with my children. But my dh and I are both teachers and as a teacher I do feel that to wait three days to let me know there was a problem is a bit long in my opinion.

I'm just thankful that all has worked itself out.