Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Hi, I dont post much at all, just joined last month and posted in November about my period being 9 days late... no BFP no period... turns out I got my period and we were relieved because We are not/were not trying AT ALL!

Background:
I literally just gradiated from college on friday (2days ago) with a degree in elementary ed. and had big plans to do my master/substitute teach and try to find a permanent position. My husband and I have been married a year and 4 months and even though we LOVE kids we really cant afford to be pregnant now cause we live in a 1 bedroom apt. on ONE income and I didnt even have a chance to start my career yet! When I first got married I was on birth control but after 8 months I was feeling horrible so I got off it... since then just condoms most of the time or pull out.

This month my period was late AGAIN and I though it was the norm of being late... like last month I was about 8 days late so I decided to test and it was A BFP(+) I tested at 2am and my husband was sleeping and I locked myself in the bathroom and was hysterically crying... I was shocked/scared/worried. I slept for barely 3 hours and when my husband woke up this morning I sat him down and said, "dont freak out" and told him and showed him the two test. He stared at them for a good minute and then looked at me smiled and was happy and said congrats. I actually feel bad cause I was hysterically crying when I told him and he said I was upsetting him and I am making something horrible out of a blessing. Now I regret telling him while I was hysterical instead of in a nice way like a card or something.

Of course I was relieved at his reaction but he told me he was really worried and scared too.... what are we gonna do now? We have to move... Im not gonna get to start working and getting my masters like I wanted to... who is gonna take care of the baby if I do wanna try and work? We are just so confused right now. We are happy inside but its REALLY REALLY not the right time at all!

I just wanna know if anyone else was not planning it and got a BFp or had the baby already... were you scared? Happy? Ready?? How did you deal?

ETA: P.S. Its his 28th birthday tomorrow, nice surprise, literally. lol

Thank you for reading if you got this far.

Message edited 12/13/2009 6:32:32 PM.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

First of all, congrats and
I will share with you the story of my first child. We were married in July of 2005 and were not planning on having children for at least two or three or even four more years. My husband had just started his career, I wanted to finish my masters, etc. September rolled around, and even though we were trying like hell NOT to get pregnant, I found myself pregnant. While it was not what I wanted at the time, I decided that it could have happened anytime in the years before we got married, but didn't, somehow, the planets aligned and waited until we were finally married, so I felt like it happened for a reason. My husband, on the other hand, curled up into a ball on the couch and cried hysterically for two days. He told me that he didn't want the baby and if I wanted to keep it, he'd divorce me. Yup. He said those words. I was like, you've got to be kidding me. So there I was, newly married, pregnant and with a husband who did not want the baby at all and threatened to leave me if I had it. I mean, it couldn't get worse than that. After two days of crying, both me and him, my husband woke up on the third day and snapped out of it. He was horrified by his own reaction and realized that, while it wasn't quite what we planned, it wasn't the end of the world, either. We, like you, were living in a one bedroom apartment, and believe it or not, it was not a big deal the first year that we had the baby. You have 9 whole months to come up with a plan, and we did. My husband switched positions at his job so that he worked evenings, and the man who didn't want the baby at all, ended up being the person who stayed home all day with our daughter while I went to work. Then we'd swap, he'd go to work at night and I'd be home with her. Was it hard? Yes, it was, but it was so worth it. Having our daughter has made us so much closer, and seeing my husband with her makes me love him more everyday. She's 3 now, but really, it was so meant to be, and that test of our relationship in the beginning was a wake-up call.
I promise you that you will absolutely work it out. What other choice do you have? It's amazing how this world works in mysterious ways. Things that we think we might not be ready for, we are actually more prepared for than we know. I know you're scared, but you will still accomplish all the things you want in life. It just might not be the way you planned.
We thought we'd be in an apartment forever, working the same jobs forever and in the three year since having our daughter, we've bought a house, new cars, finished degrees, gotten promotions, etc. So hang in there and enjoy this time as best you can

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Just wanted to say congrats and send you some hugs. Don't feel guilty. The shock was probably very overwhelming. Sometimes things don't happen exactly the way we plan, but I am sure that all will work out for you and DH in the end!

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

DD wasn't really planned. We had just moved into our house, I was up for a promotion in the next few months, worked long hours and DH was looking for a new job. Although we were together for six years and married for two, I felt like a 16 year old. It all worked out in the end. DH got a great new job, I got the promotion and once DD was born my hours changed at work. Life doesn't always work out the way you expect but it all works out the way it is supposed to.

DD is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, she changed my world and the way I look at life. A child is a blessing even if it is not what you expect. You will work it out. There is nothing wrong with living in a one bedroom apt with a child for the first few years or longer if you had to.

Message edited 12/13/2009 7:28:17 PM.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

This is my 2nd pg. My 1st was planned. This time around I was on BCP and we were planning on waiting another at least year. Well one month I wasn't feeling so hot. I've always been very regular (esp on BCP) and when my period was 2 days late I deicded to go out and get a test. Well I got a BFP. I was shocked and started crying as well. My husband had lost his job in Sept 2008 and finally found a job in March. Here it was June and we were still trying to dig out of the hole from him being on unemployment. We live in a 2 bedroom apt and were really hoping to pay down some of our debt so we would be able to buy a house before we tried for #2, I too was upset for about 2 days. I didn't tell DH I had gotten a BFP and kept taking tests. I posted on here (not even thinking abour lurkers) that I had gotten a BFP and less than a day later my sister called me and said my cousin's wife had seen my post and had told my entire family that I was pg. I hadn't even told DH yet b/c I was too scared. Well we had a family party that day so I knew I had to tell him before he saw my family. I sat him down and told him and I started sobbing. He tried to console me saying we would figure things out. We came to terms with it and started planning what we would do. My family was all happy, except for my ILs who were a little scared b/c they watch DD now and they are in their late 60s and are worried about taking care of a 2yo and a newborn. But things are working out. We're buying/getting a lot of things secondhand b/c we really can't afford all new stuff without having to put things on credit cards.

things have a way of working themselves out. It will all be ok and you guys will figure it out.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Congrats!


Both of my pregnancies were surprise pregnancies... the first one more then the second... i was actually on the pill when i found out i was preg with ds... our plans had been that we wouldnt even try until dh had been promoted... i was in such shock and was kinda scared and, while not in tears, had a similar reaction as you did... i also kinda just told dh that time... he was alot more excited then i thought...

this pregnancy i was nursing when i got preg... and while werent really not trying we also werent trying either...if that makes sense.... basically dh works nights and at the time i was working one of the nights he was off so we figured the odds of a baby being concieved when we slept in the same bed once a week were slim... then he was off for vacation for a week...

i have so many friends whose marriages have really been stressed by the whole ttc process, and i look at it and think that by not trying and having it be a surprise, that whole stress was never on us....


it will all work out, trust me

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

It's so normal to get upset because this wasn't planned. we are still in a one bedroom with a one year old , not a big deal at all ! and I personally think your DH is a great age to start a family , that's how old my DH is now and his kid is 1 year old, and he has another on the way

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

My dd wasnt planed, i was unmarried and no way financially stable and we were probably heading towards a breakup. DD bought us back together and although we are still unamrried, broke and living with my in-laws, DD is the best thing that could have ever happened to the both of us, she is our life and you will feel the same way once your baby is born.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

First I wanted to add some more hugs... Then wanted to share my story. We got married in April, and decided that if we didn't get pregnent during the actual honeymoon, then we would wait the summer out so we have a full summer as newlyweds, and that in which I would also be able to go out and party ONE last time. LOL. May came quick...honeymoon and then moving into our new house. It was all soo much at once. Then, towards the middle of May, I started to feel ichy... heartburn, swallen boobs...etc. Sure enough, i was 6 weeks pregnent. I was shocked, yet happy. I knew finacially we were not ready to have a child, since we were trying to get debt-free and everything like that. But, now I'm 31 weeks along and wouldn't change it for the world. I feel him kick and move around and I can't do anything but smile. Finacially I know that it will all work out... even I just lost my job. I was so taken back at first, but after sharing the news with DH I knew that it would all work out. It's a blessing. The first time you hear that little ones heart beat, instatnly your emotions will change. Don't worry... your feelings are 100% normal.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Don't feel bad about your reaction - the shock of everything can sometimes be too much. I completely agree with the above poster who said that life may not turn out how you want/expect, but things happen as they are meant to... and things have a way of working out.

My mother was a single mother with no help from my dad, and two children (me and my older brother). We lived in a one bedroom apartment for many years and I can honestly say that neither me nor my brother felt like we missed out on anything. And let me just add that my mother had a very limited income - I am amazed at how much of a normal life we had despite not having a lot of money.

Somehow, she made it work. And I believe things will always work out.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

i live by the quote

"everything's ok in the end, if its not OK, its not the end!"

everything turns out as it is supposed to be, sometimes it may not be the path we expect but we are going where we are meant to go


congrats! even though we were trying, we got our BFP after our first month of ttc. I felt the same way b/c although we were trying, i didnt think it would happen so quickly. There are lots of emotions and I think thats why we have 9 months to deal with it all

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Posted by RandiG

Just wanted to say congrats and send you some hugs. Don't feel guilty. The shock was probably very overwhelming. Sometimes things don't happen exactly the way we plan, but I am sure that all will work out for you and DH in the end!

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Posted by prncsslehcar

First of all, congrats and
I will share with you the story of my first child. We were married in July of 2005 and were not planning on having children for at least two or three or even four more years. My husband had just started his career, I wanted to finish my masters, etc. September rolled around, and even though we were trying like hell NOT to get pregnant, I found myself pregnant. While it was not what I wanted at the time, I decided that it could have happened anytime in the years before we got married, but didn't, somehow, the planets aligned and waited until we were finally married, so I felt like it happened for a reason. My husband, on the other hand, curled up into a ball on the couch and cried hysterically for two days. He told me that he didn't want the baby and if I wanted to keep it, he'd divorce me. Yup. He said those words. I was like, you've got to be kidding me. So there I was, newly married, pregnant and with a husband who did not want the baby at all and threatened to leave me if I had it. I mean, it couldn't get worse than that. After two days of crying, both me and him, my husband woke up on the third day and snapped out of it. He was horrified by his own reaction and realized that, while it wasn't quite what we planned, it wasn't the end of the world, either. We, like you, were living in a one bedroom apartment, and believe it or not, it was not a big deal the first year that we had the baby. You have 9 whole months to come up with a plan, and we did. My husband switched positions at his job so that he worked evenings, and the man who didn't want the baby at all, ended up being the person who stayed home all day with our daughter while I went to work. Then we'd swap, he'd go to work at night and I'd be home with her. Was it hard? Yes, it was, but it was so worth it. Having our daughter has made us so much closer, and seeing my husband with her makes me love him more everyday. She's 3 now, but really, it was so meant to be, and that test of our relationship in the beginning was a wake-up call.
I promise you that you will absolutely work it out. What other choice do you have? It's amazing how this world works in mysterious ways. Things that we think we might not be ready for, we are actually more prepared for than we know. I know you're scared, but you will still accomplish all the things you want in life. It just might not be the way you planned.
We thought we'd be in an apartment forever, working the same jobs forever and in the three year since having our daughter, we've bought a house, new cars, finished degrees, gotten promotions, etc. So hang in there and enjoy this time as best you can

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Posted by mrskparetta

i live by the quote

"everything's ok in the end, if its not OK, its not the end!"

everything turns out as it is supposed to be, sometimes it may not be the path we expect but we are going where we are meant to go


congrats! even though we were trying, we got our BFP after our first month of ttc. I felt the same way b/c although we were trying, i didnt think it would happen so quickly. There are lots of emotions and I think thats why we have 9 months to deal with it all

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

I think it is normal to panic a bit when you first get that BFP. I know DH & I were like OMG what did we do. What are we going to do? We had been married about 9 months when I got my BFP, and together for over 5 years. We were at a point where we had stop not trying to get pregnant, more than ttc. I really thought it was going to take us longer than it did to get pregnant.
DH was in the police academy when we got our BFP (he just graduated Friday ), and I was unemployed. We had just moved the month prior from NY to DC. We are both 25. Renting a 1BR condo. Of course these things were not all ideal for having a baby, but you make it work. I am sure once the initial shock wears off, you will be able to see things more clearly. Everything always falls into place. Congrats!!

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

I can relate.
My situation is a bit different- we were married for many years - but I still did not feel ready for a baby- and maybe I never would have.
My husband wanted to try though, and I wasn't against it.
I seriously did not think I could get pregnant at all due to some issue I have had all my life. So I was shocked beyone belief when it happened on the first try!
Like you, I was hysterical when the test was positive. I know we were trying and all- but I really thought I would have at least a few months of trying to get used to the idea. But NOPE! I feel horrible about it now- I hear all these stories of how women told their husbands they were pregnant and all these nice, romantic momments and mine was me hysterical and falling apart and saying we rushed into this and made a HUGE mistake and him wanting to be happy but feeling horrible because of my reaction.
At one point he even told me that if I felt that strongly about it I could get an abortion. That snapped me out of it... I knew that I was being totally selfish reacting that way. That we had been blessed with something so many other people try for years for and sometimes never get.
I'm not saying these past 12 weeks have been easy for me. I still have plenty of moments where I question it- I even had a breakdown driving home the other day and was hysterically crying in the car saying my life was over. The timing is really bad in terms of my career, etc...but in the long run the timing will never be perfect. For now, I just am putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time- knowing that everything happens for a reason and it will work out.
People have done it in much worse circumstances and made it work.
I am sure we (and you) will too.
FM if you ever need to talk.
I totally understand how you feel...

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Ours was a surprise also. I bought 6 tests and laid them out on the bathroom floor and cried for about two hours...

I was also on the pill so it was an even bigger shock, and dh had been sick, so that month we literally only did the baby dance ONCE and that was OUr 3 month anniversary.....

I guess it was a "lucky day"

Unfortunately I have to work, we planned on having one in three years when we bought a house and i didnt have to work for the first two years....

But what can we do...

My dh will be 28 as well seemslike we are around the same age...

If u need to talk please pm me. I went through and still am going through every emotion so i know what its like....

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Thanks to everyone who replied and FM'ed me. Seriously some of your stories are really inspiratinal! Its good to know people were in the same boat and made it and are HAPPY!

I called my doctor and she said to come in on Thursday... So I will go and make sure everything is ok. Do you ladies know how to calculate how far along I might be? I was supposed to get my period around DEC. 4th. Got my BFP Dec. 12...?

Im not in that state of SHOCK anymore but im still scared as hek! My husband and I had the rest of the weekend and monday (it was his birthday so he had the day off) to let it sink in and talk about it. I feel MUCH better knowing he is happy :) and on board.

Now the next step (probably the hardest) is telling my family but especially MY MOM. We are gonna wait till at least 8 weeks, maybe even 12 but its gonna be challenging. She is Always telling me to make sure I dont get pregnant now cause it'll mess up our lives.... I just DONT want to tell them and then she is negative about it.

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

First off, congrats

Second, remember these two quotes-

"Life is what happens when you are making other plans"

"That which does not kill us only makes us stronger"

Is this your plan? No. But will you figure how to make it work? I am sure of it! When I got PG with DD, we just lost our jobs and were really stressed after many unsuccessful months. But she is my little blessing and no matter what, we make it work. And things have a funny way of falling into place. DH got a job, we got our mortgage modified on the house, we paid things off. We don't live the way we did when we met, but this is so much better IMO! So, basically what I learned is God does not give you more than you can handle, even if it feels like it.

Good luck!

Re: Need to talk :experience with *surprise pregnancy* come in (kinda long)

Posted by LoveyQ

Posted by d-h2008

Thanks to everyone who replied and FM'ed me. Seriously some of your stories are really inspiratinal! Its good to know people were in the same boat and made it and are HAPPY!

I called my doctor and she said to come in on Thursday... So I will go and make sure everything is ok. Do you ladies know how to calculate how far along I might be? I was supposed to get my period around DEC. 4th. Got my BFP Dec. 12...?

Im not in that state of SHOCK anymore but im still scared as hek! My husband and I had the rest of the weekend and monday (it was his birthday so he had the day off) to let it sink in and talk about it. I feel MUCH better knowing he is happy :) and on board.

Now the next step (probably the hardest) is telling my family but especially MY MOM. We are gonna wait till at least 8 weeks, maybe even 12 but its gonna be challenging. She is Always telling me to make sure I dont get pregnant now cause it'll mess up our lives.... I just DONT want to tell them and then she is negative about it.

To calculate gestation, they go by the date of your last period (not the one you missed). So assuming your last period was around November 6th, then today you would be 5 weeks, 4 days.