New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

hello all
having a rough day so thought i would post my story.
I was on bed rest for 5 weeks with my pregnancy and went into early labor on Monday. i was 34w 6d. Labor was quick- they had to induce me because my water was leaking and from time they induced me I had my DS within 2 hours. He was born at 5lbs 2oz 18 inches. He was brought to Nicu- he needed to be on CPAP machine but only overnight and I am happy to say all with his breathing is good. He is however having issues with eating- he just doesn't want to do it- he would much rather sleep. When he cannot eat the whole thing they have to tube feed him. He has only been in there 4 days and I know that is best place for him. He was still supposed to be in my tummy growing- but I am still so sad. It is so hard watchinng your baby in there and I wish something I could do could make him want to eat. Sometimes I feel it is my fault becuse I am not breast feeding. I tried pumping for a few days but it was not working for me. I am so sad so if anyone has a similiar story or words of encouragment I could use it. I am trying to be strong for my baby but just want him home with me!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I also had a preemie--so I know how you feel--but know its not your fault. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know how hard it is and I remember how upset I was to see my DS in the NICU. My DS had to be tube fed in the beginning as well....and now he is an almost 30lb 22 month old who is happy and healthy and you'd never guess he came early! We are all here for you, a lot of moms on here have been thru the same thing.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

Hi Melissa,

I didn't have a preemie but I just wanted to send you some hugs and prayers

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I know EXACTLY how you feel! My DD was born last year in her 36th week and she was in the NICU for 8 days. It was so hard to leave her in there, esp after I was discharged. She had difficulty breathing and fluid in her lungs which is why she was placed in the NICU. She was tube fed for several days, was on CPAP, then a nasal canula, had jaundice... it ripped my heart out. I was able to pump but she didn't start taking a bottle until she was about 4-5 days old. It was agony and with my post partum hormones raging, it was the WORST! I was crying all the time.

The best advice I can give you is to keep doing what you're doing. Visit with DS, but give yourself some breaks during the day. Also, you really need to get a full night's sleep for as many days as possible so that you can be ready for him to come home. Hold him, love him, kiss him, sing to him, whisper in his ear. He knows who Mommy is and only wants to get stronger and stronger for you and DH. He is in very good hands in the NICU- those nurses and docs really know what they are doing/talking about... soak up any and all info they give you! I know it seems like forever, but DS WILL come home. And it will be before you know it.

As far as BFing is concerned, please don't stress yourself about it. It does not work out for everyone. I was able to pump for less than 6 weeks; true BFing did not work for us. It is not your fault that it is not working. DS is a preemie and his sucking reflex needs to develop. Formula fed babies thrive just as well as BFed babies. You are a great Mommy!! Remember that!

Just know that you are not alone, that you are doing your best and that DS will grow up to be a healthy and happy little boy. I know what I am talking about... just look at my avatar and you will see my NICU baby at 13 months.

Please FM me if you ever need to talk/vent.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

Hi!

I am a mom of a preemie. My DD was born at 2lbs 6oz and it was rough!
She is now almost 12lbs.
Once she got the bottle down, the NICU did the alternating...

1 bottle feed, 1 tube feed, 1 bottle feed...etc...
She tolerated it very well.
Then as she got bigger, they added another bottle feeding, then another.
She finally was able to come home.

I wanted to say, be positive! Your baby WILL get it! Its easy for them to tire out, but, he will keep working at it!

Good Luck!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I know how you feel about havng a baby in the NICU and feeding issues. My triplets were born at 36 weeks all healthy and nobody needing any breathing help but my Lil Sophia was only 4 lb 2 oz when she was born the other two were 5 lbs 4 oz and 5 lb 5 oz. Sophia was in the NICU for 1 week because of her weight and she really didnt like to eat either. I was there when I could be and DH took his turn feeding her. Finally she started to eat and went home at 3 lbs 16 oz she was so small and it killed me thats he was so small and had to be in the NICU and the other two were fine in the regular nursery. Now at 4 months Lil Sophia is doing great and loves to eat and is weighing in at 13 lbs. Things will get better dotn worry and now you need to rest up for your baby because he is going to need you when he gets home.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I know how hard it is...DS was born at 35weeks3days and was on CPAP for a day, then canulized for a day. He also had eating issues and kept sleeping through feedings. Then we had to deal with jaundice and he had to go under the lights a few times.
All I can tell you is that you aren't doing anything wrong. Just go and see your baby as often as you can, hold him as much as they'll let you and wait patiently for him to come home. It will all be worth it in the end because your baby will be better off for his time in the NICU. I know it's hard to hear that right now, trust me I spent many a day in tears, but he will be home soon and before you know it his NICU stay will be a distant memory.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I had a preemie too. My dd was born at 32 weeks, 5 days, at 4 pounds, 14 ozs. She was in the nicu for 5 weeks and had the same feeding issues your ds is having. Best advice I got from the nurses was that she is not supposed to be here yet, so she is not supposed to be doing all she is doing. But its hard to see them like that. I'm sure your ds will be home soon. Feel free to FM me with any questions.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

My baby was born a little early (3 weeks) and I felt guilty that he was, so I understand how you must be feeling. I think about it now that he is having so many tummy issues.

That being said, you have to look at the positive things. Your baby is one of the lucky ones who is able to breathe on his own. As for the fallng asleep while eating, that is common and very frustrating. My DS would fall asleep when i tried breast feeding and it made it so hard.

About the breastfeeding - I stopped breastfeeding early and felt incredibly guilty about it, it tore me up inside. But, a friend said the following and it helped: She reminded me that I had a very rough and unexpected delivery and suffered psychological trauma in the process so my decision not to continue breastfeeding was in a way one of the things that i had to do in order to survive, mentally and emotionally. Something had to give and at that moment for me, breastfeeding was what i was able to give up. Same for you now, you had a difficult experience and you can only handle so much, so if breast feeding and pumping were too much, they had to go.

Also, 4-5 days postpartum is when the baby blues show up and they are no joke. I had some rough days, lots of sadness, guilt, crying, crying, and more crying. ITs a tough time, make sure you talk to someone about how you are feeling and don't let anyone or yourelf invalidate your feelings. Everything you are feeling is ok and you are entitled to feel these things. Talk to the nurses, see if the hospial has a NICU family support group, etc.

I hope you feel better soon and that your little one keeps getting better and stronger.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I know how hard it is, all 3 of my kid spent time in the NICU. Please don't blame yourself, as hard as it is not too!

My 1st DS was born at 36w and a few days and had breathing and eating issues. He just didn't want to eat. The nurses kept telling me he would have an "aha" moment and realize it was good to eat.....and he did! At the time it seemes horrible but it is better for them to get the help they need there.

My tiwns were born at 35w3d and were 5lbs12oz and 4lbs 11oz and both were on CPAP. DD ended up intubated and on a ventilator too. And once they breathing issues were cleared up they had problems eating. It took a long time to get the hang of it. They would do good one feeding, then bad the next....but finally they came around. They are 3 weeks old now and drinking 4oz at a time! So please.....try to remember it will happen.

Just keep visiting him, talking to him encouraging him and remember to get yourself some rest too.

Hang in there and if you need to talk.vent FM me

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

Thank you ALL SO SO much for your stories and words of encouragement! I cannot explain to you how much it means to me to hear your stories. It makes me realize I am not alone and all I am going thru is normal. Thank you all again so much! You are truly a great group of women!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

First I want to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's so hard leaving your baby and coming home.
Both of my dc were born early and had to stay in the nicu.
Ds 1 was 6 weeks early. I felt like it took forever for him to be able to take a bottle. They keept saying he'll just get it. And he did. I went in to fed him on the 5 or 6 day and he sucked down the whole one ounce that they gave me and I was so happy and proud. I think it was the first time I breathed that whole week.
Ds 2 was 4 weeks early. He had fluid in his lungs and was on a cpap for 4 days. He also had feeding issues but not as bad as ds 1.
I remember them telling me that they learn how to suckle in the 35 week. He will get the hang of it.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I can totally relate....I had my son at 29 weeks 6 days. He spent 6 weeks in the NICU....I am not going to lie, it was a very difficult time for me - physically and emotionally. I felt (and sometimes still do) guilt, I blamed myself, I was angry that this happened to us...DS especially. However, the feelings eventually subside and are replaced with feelings of pride (preemies are so very strong), excitement (to watch him grow, gain weight, breathe on his own, start bottle feeding, etc) and love. There were not too many other people who could relate to what we went through. If you need to talk, vent, or anything, please feel free to FM me. I wish that I had a stronger "preemie" support sytem when DS was a newborn and infant.

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

My son was born at term, but also was a NICU baby and was fed through an IV for days. Hang in there, but know that he is getting the best care with some amazing NICU doctors and nurses!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

I am in tears reading these stories. I am preparing to leave one of my twins behind in the NICU tomorrow when his brother and I go home. They were born on Tuesday at 36 weeks and my little one has been in the NICU since then while his brother has been with me. He no longer is requiring breathing support but he is having feeding issues and is now jaundiced. I feel soooooooooo guilty and upset. In my head I know he is getting the best care and he will be ok eventually but I can't help feeling guilty about not spending enough time with him and especially about wanting them to come early because I was having a lot of complications at the end of my pregnancy. I am also not having any luck BFing or pumping. So, I don't have any advice but know you are not alone!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

My twin nephews were born in March at 34 weeks. One was 3lbs and the other was 4lbs. They were in the NICU for a few weeks but came home in early April and are doing really well! They're 8 months old now and huge! One is 17lbs and the other is 19lbs. I am sure it is very hard for you but he is in the best place right now and being well taken care of!!!

Re: New mom of a premie and feeling sad..( long- sorry!)

Thats teh best place to be...as hard as it is.

My twins were born at 34 and 1/2 weeks as well. They are 8 weeks now.

When they were first int he NICU they told me it would be at least a month stay , and I was so depressed.

They came home in 8 days! And my one DD was barely eating 15 cc's for a while...She is a great eater now.

Things change SO fast, try to remenber that. This is a common experience too not just mine.

Try to use this time to heal and get ready. I know its hard