New Mommy Vent...

I dont know where else to go and vent so I thank you in advance.

We are home now with DS who is 9 days old and we have visitor after visitor. WE had 2 days this week where we were free and thats it. Now for the second time my MIL comes over at 9 AM and wants to take over i swear. She thinks she is helping but all she wants to do is hold him and I am trying to get him to be on a schedule with feeding and all. Let alone I have been up everynite and would like the chance to sleep when he sleeps. Sure i can sleep while she is here but i just dont feel comfortable doing so. As for DH.. well im not sure what he is thinking. He has yet to change a diaper..(he claims he is nervous with the umbilical cord, circumsicion site and he fears getting peed on). HELLO .. i have been shot in the face several times already. During the nite he thinks its ok to just pick up DS and bring him in to our bed and go back to sleep. A habit i dont want to start. Meanwhile the baby is wet and needs changed. THen he has the nerve to tell me im grumpy. During the day he is sitting at his computer desk and says put him in the bouncy chair ill watch him. Or he will hold him on his lap while he surfs the web. I just dont get it. Maybe im over tired and see things differently. I just know my mother in law better not make a habit i of this. Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

Oh no!!!

I would have a serious chat with your DH. Tell him what is bothering you and that he needs to do this WITH you together as a couple! I would also tell MIL that you need some rest and need some time as a family.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

Being a new mom is hard. You aren't sleeping right and your hormones are out of whack. Your DH has to start helping out. Tell him you understand his fears but if you can do it he can. Once he does it a few times the fear will subside.
You are not going to get a baby that is nine days old on a a schedule, so do not worry about you MIL throwing it off. It is hard but nap or at least lay down and attempt to while she is there. Until your DH starts helping you need to take advantage of any help you can get.
Not sure if you have gotten out of the house by yourself but if not do it. Even if it is for a 15 minute car ride around the neighborhood while your MIL is there. It will do a world of good.
It does get easier, it just takes time.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

i know it is hard and i TOTALLY feel your pain, but maybe i can put things in perspective for you.

during the day, your DS will sleep when he needs to sleep. i know with my DS it didn't matter if someone was holding him or if he was in the bouncer, swing, or his crib - if he was tired, he slept. so i wouldn't worry about your MIL wanting to hold him - there is NO way to put a baby on a schedule this young, and he won't even notice.

i do agree that your DH needs to step up and change some diapers, but don't give him too hard of a time with putting him in the bouncer and watching him that way. some guys (like my DH) just don't "get" what they are supposed to do with a newborn because babies that young don't "do" anything.

you should also talk to your DH about limiting visitors and when they can come over. i totally understand not wanting to nap while your MIL is there - i would feel awkward too.

and i have brought DS back to bed when he was very cranky but it's really a no-no - it's just not safe, especially if you guys are sleeping, because someone could roll over on the baby, or he could suffocate in the blankets. it's a total judgment call on your part but if you are not comfortable with it, you have to put your foot down with DH and tell him why.

it is SOOOO hard in the beginning but once you get the hang of things, it gets easier - fun, even!

Re: New Mommy Vent...

I dont think my DH would have survived if that was his attitude. He needs a GOOD TALKING to. Your going through so much now and he really needs to be supportive of you. And you need to be clear that there are visiting times...I layed down the law and didnt care how others felt about it. You need your sanity, politeness goes out the window.
I hope you feel better really soon, and your DH comes to his senses

Re: New Mommy Vent...

I'm so sorry. I agree, you need to talk to your DH so you are on the same page with everything and also to lay down the law with your MIL coming over at 9am!!! Does this also bother DH?? That is just craziness, I'd pull my hair out. I remember how sleep deprived I was early on. We never had visitors over in the morning, only later on in the day. I needed my sleep. Hopefully she backs off a little so you can get a little settled and into the swing of things with your new baby.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

Thanks girls! I have tried dropping hints for DH but he doesnt get it. I think tonite we will have our little chat. He doesnt understand how i can still be uncomfortable with getting up especially after a csection. HELLO i still have cramping and pain. I wouldnt care if MIL came at 9 am but she stays till almost 5 or 6 sometimes. I would love to leave the house but i was told i cant drive for at least 2 weeks. DH on the other hand has been to mall, best buy, outside fixing car. i love my son to death and that is what is keeping me sane but i feel like im holding back so many tears as well. Well i will talk to you all soon. Only time i get on comp is when i say i want to shower.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

Go for a walk around the neighborhood if you cannot drive. You need to get out of the house and get some fresh air to clear your head. Do you have family you would trust to watch DS for an hour or so? You and DH need to get out as a couple and have a talk.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

You definitely need to sit down and have a talk with your DH, he definitely needs to start pulling his weight and help you with the baby!!! I was ultra hormonal after DD was first born and I think DH was honestly scared of me.... but if there were things that I felt that he needed to do I told him and he got it...as for your MIL, you need to tell her when you would like for her to come, and when its most convenient for YOU...you need to be as comfortable as possible for the baby's sake...I'm a true believer that the baby definitely picks up on our moods, and you want to be as relaxed as possible around him!!!!

Re: New Mommy Vent...

awww sweetie the first few weeks are hard!!! Let them know how you feel!
XOXO
BOTB

Re: New Mommy Vent...

I just wanted to send some of these your way. Everyone here has given good advice. You definitely need to speak to your DH.

I completely understand the whole visitor thing. Before I had the baby, I thought I would want people over all of the time. Now I feel very choosy about who I want around and when. I am also concerned about the baby's schedule and I am constantly aware of her being overstimulated at this point. It's nice to hear that some of the above posters have said not to worry so much about the schedule. Good luck.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

No hints! You need to sit your DH down NOW and talk with him. If not now, he'll think its OK from here on in.
I had a C Section with DS and will be having another one in June.
Im ALREADY prepping DH with what will need to be done while I am in the hospital and while Im home recovering.
I made DH change DS' diapers while he was in the room with me in the hospital. By the time we got home, he was a pro.
Do yourself a huge favor and have that talk. Also, tell him you don't mind having MIL over, but, have her call first.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

maybe shes just trying to help. my brother's wife just had a baby. we stayed over n helped for almost 3 weeks.long story but my brother wife had a c-cection so we helped feed and changed the baby. it was werid i knew when the baby eat and i even learned how to make a bottle.lol. she slept while my mom cleaned and feed the baby. and i held him and fed and burp him. and i played with my other nephew.

Re: New Mommy Vent...

Those first couple of weeks are so hard.

These conversations are especially hard to have because you don't want to come off as if you are criticizing DH...........I think many of them just don't know how to handle a newborn, and like others have said, for the DH, this is the "boring stage". SO MANY BTDT moms have told me that when DC is around 2 and interactive, that's when the DHs really come out of their shells with them.


Now for the MIL and people coming over in general........there needs to be set times for that as well.

I know after DS was born, my parents stayed for a week (and they were here awhile BEFORE he was born) so both DH and I were starting to go nutty. We were grateful for the help, but for me, I only wanted help with things around the house (i.e. laundry, meals).

I felt like DS was my responsibility and I wanted to get into a routine with him. I didn't want anyone else really helping out with him (except DH of course).

to you for getting through the next few weeks. I am sure you will be just fine.