Not looking forward to visiting our friends

So our friends just had their first baby and moved into a new house, we're going there this weekend. While I am happy for them, I am of course jealous. I was upset when I found out they were PG and its been hard. I always thought though, at least I'll be PG by the time we see them with the baby - obviously no such luck. I'm actually in an ok place right now with everything, DH and I are taking a break from docs this month, but I'm so worried seeing them and her as a mom will just ruin my good place right now, that its going to bring me to an ugly, depressed place again. Its hard enough as it is with those moments seeping in a little each day. This person also has a habit of making things sound "just perfect" in her life. Guess I just wanted to vent and get any advice on how I can steel myself for the visit and be sure I don't leave in a bad place. Thanks for listening.

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

Posted by ihilani

Posted by spooks

This person also has a habit of making things sound "just perfect" in her life.

Ugh. I've got one of those in my life, too.

Remember that you are in control of how you react to the situation. Any weak spots you show are likely to be exploited by littlemissperfect. Keep the visit SHORT and sweet, stay focused on what you have, and keep changing the subject to whatever YOU want to discuss -- like sleep deprivation.

Or, think of it as being a bridesmaid -- you're in a hideous dress, but you smile and do all you can to focus on your friend just for one day.

Or, you could suddenly come down with a cold

good luck and don't let the b@$tards grind you down!

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

I agree with what the others have said.

Also, in general, I've learned that even people who look like they have the perfect life have their own issues. I always thought my friend has the "perfect life/ family/ house/ etc" but I found out that she has all these major issues too. Anyone who needs to stress to others how great their life is, may be trying to convince themselves of that too. You never know!

I hope the visit goes okay!

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

ugh i hate "polite visits" as well - especially when certian factors make u reflect what u dont have
Just remember the grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. No one can possibly have it perfect.
Your feelings and emotions are completly normal. Keep the visit short, tell them u are just stopping by.

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

I have been there... and had to experience it with family members who got preggo 'by mistake' and were in 'complete shock' no less... Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I totally believe this. When someone portrays their life as perfect... more times than not something is not right in their life. There also isn't anything wrong with saying you can't make it. I have done this b/c I refuse to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. May sound selfish but during this IF process I have learned to put what I and DH want first. Everything else is secondary.

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

Why not cancel rather than fake being happy for them?

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

Thanks for the advice everyone, its so helpful to know people understand. DH doesn't get it still. I can't cancel b/c its DH's good friend and we eventually have to see them anyway, I thought it was better to do it this time b/c they're having a few people over for the superbowl so there will be a little distraction once the game starts. Luckily, DH has work to do, so he doesn't want to stay long either. But now I have to tell him again that he needs to step up and be there for me throughout the visit, that its going to be hard - he doesn't always get it.

Re: Not looking forward to visiting our friends

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Maybe have a few drinks to take the edge off while you are there. Put on your happy face and fake it for the sake of your DH and his friendship. Then go home and let it all out. At least that is what I would do. Good luck and know that we have all been there. One day it will be our turn.