not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

hi ladies im not quite sure if im in the right place for this post but dh and i just got married 10 days ago and have talked about having children for a long time... althought we're not quite on the same page with when to start TTC im not sure how or when to bring it up.

I had already hinted towards stopping the pill and it ended in a a small arguement so im not sure how i should go about it. im not scared of what he'll say but i just dont want to be disapointed.

I really wanted to stop the pill next month give it 4-6 months and then start the TTC process i've been on the pill for 8 years and want to get used to not being on it.

im pretty sure DH plans on waiting at least a year or so...

so after this whole long post.. my ? is.. how and when do i bring up the subject and What do i need to say? how do i not get disapointed?

Thanks in advance!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

My brutally honest opinion is don't set yourself up for disapoinment. If you know he strogly feels he wants to wait a year, can you wait 6 months longer than you planned?

Having a baby should be your decision as a couple. It should be the right time for the both of you. And it will feel all that much better, when you do start, if you are both on the same page!

I would still have a convo with your DH and make sure that you are both happy with the decision at the end of it. If you're looking at 6 mo. and he's looking at 12, maybe meet in the middle at 9?

But I do agree with 6 months off BCP to regulate your body and pay attention so you are ready when it does come time to TTC.

Good Luck

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Posted by diva7531

My brutally honest opinion is don't set yourself up for disapoinment. If you know he strogly feels he wants to wait a year, can you wait 6 months longer than you planned?

Having a baby should be your decision as a couple. It should be the right time for the both of you. And it will feel all that much better, when you do start, if you are both on the same page!

I would still have a convo with your DH and make sure that you are both happy with the decision at the end of it. If you're looking at 6 mo. and he's looking at 12, maybe meet in the middle at 9?

But I do agree with 6 months off BCP to regulate your body and pay attention so you are ready when it does come time to TTC.

Good Luck

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Posted by Meggo613

Posted by diva7531

My brutally honest opinion is don't set yourself up for disapoinment. If you know he strogly feels he wants to wait a year, can you wait 6 months longer than you planned?

Having a baby should be your decision as a couple. It should be the right time for the both of you. And it will feel all that much better, when you do start, if you are both on the same page!

I would still have a convo with your DH and make sure that you are both happy with the decision at the end of it. If you're looking at 6 mo. and he's looking at 12, maybe meet in the middle at 9?

But I do agree with 6 months off BCP to regulate your body and pay attention so you are ready when it does come time to TTC.

Good Luck

Thank you so much im all for honesty and i agree i want it to be a decision we make together and i dont want either of us to feel disapointed nor pressured to start when neither of us are ready.

thank you again!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

this isn't an easy thing to figure out.

On average - it can take a healthy couple 6-9 months to get pregnant. This comes from a friend of mine who attended a fertility clinic.

I was on the pill for 10 years...and i'm still adjusting to not being on it. I am off it since March & my moods are swinging worse than ALL the monkey's at the zoo....and i have acne like a teenager. It's not fun - but it was a good idea to come off the pill earlier than planned...just to get my body regulated...

It's a personal decision that you have to make together...

Good luck to you - if you need anything - FM!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Message edited 11/22/2010 12:26:25 PM.

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

I think maybe he is still settling into being married. Although I think you are wise for wanting to give your body time to regulate before TTC, maybe your new DH is only able to handle one major life change at a time. I know my DH was not ready to TTC for a while & he told me from when we first began to date that he wanted kids in a big way.

I agree with the other girls about being honest and careful about going off BC. Explain that it can take almost 6 - 9 mos (although it can of course happen sooner) and that being on BC for 8 years can indeed affect a woman's body.

Congrats Newlywed!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Hi Meg!! Congratulations!!!

DH and I were the opposite of you guys...he wanted to start right away, I wanted to wait.

We're still waiting, but I'm not sure how much longer (I went to visit Amanda last weekend and wanted to steal the baby and take him home! )

I would definitely make sure you're on the same page. Maybe stay on BC for 2 more months, then re-approach it.

Good luck! I know it's difficult!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

I think that your age should be factored into the equation. If you are in your 30's and know that you want a few children, this should not be overlooked. My DH needed to become aware of my biological clock in order to get on board with TTC.

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

When DH and I first got married, I got a dose of baby fever. DH and I had always talked about starting a family in the future but he didn't want to TTC. This hurt my feelings greatly and I was upset for several months. It took DH a few months to catch up but now he is on board. I'm sure your DH will come around as well.

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

Posted by melijane

Posted by futuremommy

Posted by asecretposter

Explain that it can take almost 6 - 9 mos (although it can of course happen sooner) and that being on BC for 8 years can indeed affect a woman's body.

I agree with everyone else about it needing to be a decision that you are both making and are both ready for. I also think it's a good idea to go off the pill to get to know your cycle, etc. But regarding the argument that it could take 6-9 months - I don't think that's a particularly good way to go. Yes, it can take 6-9 months, it could take years! But it can also happen very quickly and you both need to know that. I got pregnant our first time trying - sadly it ended in mc and now we've been trying for several months and nothing. I guess my point is, it's really a rollercoaster and anything can happen. You should both be READY when you start! Good luck!

I just wanted to address your comment. If getting pregnant takes "years" than there is definitely an issue. I was told by one of my specialists that if it takes longer than 6 months with properly timed intercourse, there is probably an issue. That said, I would go off the pill and use another method of birth control until your DH is ready to start. This way you have the best of both worlds. Best of luck and

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

I am going through the same thing as you ( what else is new, we are alike in so many ways )

I always thought I would go off the pill once we got back from our first anniversary vacation ( which will be in March 2009 ) after a few horrible experiences with Satanic children we both decided to wait indefinitely.

Now, I am back on the path to TTC and he is actually saying he wants NO children.

All I know is that no matter how badly I want a child, I want HIM to want a child too. I would never want to have him feel like it isn't his decision too! I waited patiently for him to ask me to marry him ( eight years ) so I KNOW he will turn around at some point. I am leaving it alone and enjoying married life at the moment but around the one year mark I will bring it up again and try to talk seriously about a time frame.

Good Luck!

Re: not quite sure if im in the right place?(on the long side)

I also wanted to add that while this is not the case with everyone. . .my sister just stopped the pill to " get it out of her system" and was pregnant before her first cycle was over with her oldest and then again with her second! Be careful! LOL