NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Op-Ed Contributor

Early Admissions


By KARIN COOK
Published: March 4, 2007
New York Times

This week private preschools will send out their coveted acceptance letters to anxious parents. Once again, the number of available spots is shrinking as the city continues to experience a baby boom.

DEAR [insert first name of preschool admissions director here],

We wanted to thank you for considering our daughter Bethanie for your 2’s program. We’ve enjoyed every step of the admissions process over these last six months — from the speed-dial excitement of the post-Labor Day calls for an application to camping out on the sidewalk overnight for the open house. We see it as a real testament to the strength of your program that 98 percent of your spots for next year will be filled with siblings. And, since we’re a glass-half-full kind of family, [insert preschool name here] is absolutely our first and only choice for Bethanie.

Given that there are probably 20 other Bethanys applying for the 2’s program next year, we wanted to point out that our daughter’s name is spelled Bethanie, with an ie not a y, after her paternal grandmother, Bethanie Beezley, an unsung teacher’s aide under Maria Montessori, who was evidently quite instrumental in developing the theory of the moderately gifted child. We hope this little tidbit about our family’s abiding commitment to progressive education helps clarify things on your end administratively.

The open house was spectacular! We were so impressed to hear your current 3-year-olds articulating your mission and responding to all those complex questions about your lottery, endowment and zoning issues and how they had an impact on the inspired vertical layout of your playground.

Please know that my husband was only kidding when he asked whether Deloitte & Touche oversaw the lottery drawing. Being selected to attend the parent tour was really meaningful for us. Not just because it was the first time in ages that we had done something together outside of couple’s counseling, but because we learned a lot about our values as parents.

The real aha! moment for us came during the playdate portion when we got to witness your school’s philosophy on conflict resolution. We so appreciated the teachers encouraging our Bethanie to use her “angry words” to describe having to put away her Polly Pocket and that other Bethany, with a y, to use her “hurt words” to voice how disappointed she was about the rip in her Dora sweatshirt. Needless to say, we’re grateful to have some new language to use at home.

You’ll notice that we included two birthdates on our application. Bethanie, who was born in April, will technically be 2.5 years old next September, but because she was eight weeks premature — I attribute this to trying to balance my job as a television producer with my volunteer work in Bosnia — she should really have been born in June, which would qualify her for your younger 2’s class. Whichever date you’re comfortable considering is fine with us. We’re flexible.

We are also wondering if it’s too late to be considered under your diversity category as a nontraditional family. Bill has just been cleared for his gender reassignment surgery — that’s right, Bethanie will soon have two moms — so we felt it important to bring this change in family constellation to your attention.

And, since we’re putting all our cards on the table, please know that while we originally left the sibling question blank, we do have a dozen embryos on ice at our fertility clinic. Given the current political climate, we hope you interpret this information however best works in our favor.

We’d also like to request your scholarship form due to changes in our economic circumstances. We hadn’t anticipated needing to take a leave of absence from our jobs to attend the required open houses, parental tours and interviews.

We want to reiterate how strongly we hope Bethanie will attend [insert preschool name here]. In fact, we plan to home school Bethanie should she not be accepted. We’ll apply again the next year and the year after that, and perhaps even hold Bethanie back from kindergarten in hopes of having another opportunity to join your wonderful community.

Sincerely yours,

Jane and Bill (a k a Maria) Smith

P.S. We hope your staff enjoys the enclosed monogrammed Tiffany key rings. (We’re just sorry we couldn’t find everyone’s middle initials on Google.)

Karin Cook is the author of “What Girls Learn,” a novel.

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

funny yet SO SAD because its true!!!!!!

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

And this really happens

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

LOL! That was pretty funny!

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Posted by Moehick

And this really happens

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Message edited 3/6/2007 4:54:17 PM.

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

This is when I thank God I live on Long Island.

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

So sad, but true

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Totally could be a real letter!

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)

Love it! (and the author!)

Thanks for posting it & emailing it to me!

Re: NYT - PreSchool Article (funny)