Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

Bear with me here.
My DD is just soooo high maintenance.
She's been like this since birth. As a tiny newborn she wanted to be held all the time. Fine...she was a newborn.
Then around 3 months-5 months- same thing.
If I left her in her bouncy, her swing, her exersaucer, whatever, she lasted about 5 minutes then started fussing, then crying, then screaming bloody murder. The second I went in to pick her up- BAM- tears stops and smiles ensue. So she can't be in any real pain or distress.

Everyone said oh she will outgrow it.
But she is now 6 months and it is not any better.

And now she is even smarter- so she can be quiet as a mouse in her exersaucer playing- but the second I pass through the room and she sees me- BAM histrionics ensue. Like a real actress. She does this to the daycare teacher too!
It's scary!

So I am wondering if anyone has dealt with this and if so if letting her sit there and just cry until she realizes that mommy is not going to come in everytime I cry- would work?
Is it cruel and unusual?
I just can't seem to get a thing done around this house!

Message edited 12/28/2010 2:19:06 PM.

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

She is so smart - she knows exactly what she needs to do to manipulate you! It's not a bad thing but she loves being with you and I think it's totally normal for her age. DD does the same thing often.

If she is happy in her exersaucer when you are not in the room, then she is fine and I would absolutely get stuff done in another room for a few minutes at a time, like wash dishes... then come back in, sing to her, then walk out again for a few minutes to throw a load of laundry in. It's not neglect, you're teaching her to entertain herself!

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

I would love to know because my DD is the same exact way......it is crazy how our DDs are so alike!!!!!!!!

I could have written this post word for word.

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

We are dealing with this with my boys at 2! My DH really wants to let them CIO as alot of times they will be crying for me but when I go in there are no tears..they just want me to sit in the room with them. I just got a new job so I will not be around as much and unfortunately they are going to have to get used to it! So no, I don't think its cruel

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

At 6 months I did CIO for DS's middle of the night wakings. 2 weeks later, I did CIO for naps. I know the purpose in those two cases are for them to go to sleep, but CIO is really for them to learn to self soothe.

In your case, I think it would be ok - only thing is that they start to have separation anxiety (sounds like what your DD is experiencing) so I would just reassure her that you are there and you love her, but not necessarily by picking her up, KWIM? Touch her, speak to her, but letting her cry some won't hurt her.

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

A few weeks ago I read
"Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities from the Very Start".

It has changed our lives. Its nothing short of a miracle.

DS now sits and plays by himself, I get up and say "I'm going to the kitchen for a minute, I'll be right back" He looks at me, looks at his toys and carries on.

He used to be very independent, played by himself all the time, then he learned how to pull up and cruise and has been whining and crying like crazy. He started to push me away when I was carrying him. Once he pushed hard and fell out of my arms. OMG! I was wrestling him in the bath, at the changing table. It was a nightmare. We blamed it on teething, and everyone said it was just a phase. But when my life was reduced to nothing but an infant walker, I knew something had to change.

I followed the book, and found a RIE teacher. RIE is the coined acronym in the book for the method that was designed as a "Resource for Infant Educations"

step 1: create a safe space baby can sit, crawl, pull up, cruise and walk around.

step 2: take away all the toys, leave only books, dolls, cups, balls, and other open ended play toys. Simple toys like blocks, containers, that don't have any mysterious workings. Let your child be the expert of his world and know how each toy works expertly.

step 3: Sit in this safe place (or near it) and watch your child. Be an investigator and get into their heads.

If they cry:

1. stop, think, why are they crying? If it takes you a minute to think, think! I am amazed how good I'm getting at knowing exactly what he wants.

2. Do they want or even need your help? (you will be surprised I learned 50% of the time DS cries when he plays is not because he wants my help, and he will resolve it himself in a less than a minute) Sometimes they cry because a toy is far, but not out of reach. Do not get it for them, give them the confidence of getting it themselves.

3. If the request is for you to do something, is it reasonable? Of course diaper change, or hunger or whatever, pick them up. But do they just want to be carried around? "I'm sorry I will carry you right now, I will sit and play" They will cry, say "I know you are crying because of it" and then decide how much crying you are willing to tolerate. IMO, you don't just CIO. You don't want to soothe your baby numb here, you want to teach them independence and confidence. (eta: it sounds crazy to be explaining things to a baby, but you know you say the same things at the same kind of situations and they start to get it, they are a lot smarter than they look)

There are other aspect to the method, it all works in unison. Its a whole philosophy of raising a cooperative child, that as a side effect is also independent and confident.

I'd be happy to answer questions and lend any advice, if you think this is something that will work for you.

There is also a great blog, by a REI teacher, this is the article and videos she wrote that caught my attention.
These are 7-10m old babies playing without being latched on to their moms.

Message edited 12/28/2010 3:54:15 PM.

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?

Posted by headoverheels

She is so smart - she knows exactly what she needs to do to manipulate you! It's not a bad thing but she loves being with you and I think it's totally normal for her age. DD does the same thing often.

If she is happy in her exersaucer when you are not in the room, then she is fine and I would absolutely get stuff done in another room for a few minutes at a time, like wash dishes... then come back in, sing to her, then walk out again for a few minutes to throw a load of laundry in. It's not neglect, you're teaching her to entertain herself!

Re: Odd question but- would CIO work for daytime crying?