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Old joke but still cracks me up!!

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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!

Member since 5/06

32461 total posts

Name:
me

Old joke but still cracks me up!!

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My

favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed ! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:


Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash
or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condesce nding comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe .... for now

Posted 11/29/07 10:11 AM
 
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man

Member since 2/06

3235 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

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Posted 11/29/07 11:41 AM
 

MissJones
I need a nap!

Member since 5/05

22136 total posts

Name:

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

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Posted 11/29/07 5:58 PM
 

Andys-Bride
LIF Infant

Member since 3/07

154 total posts

Name:

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

yes, it is old but I love it!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 11/30/07 9:30 AM
 

jerseypanda
Life is good.

Member since 1/07

9164 total posts

Name:
Amanda

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

Oh my gosh... I have not laughed this hard in a long time!

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That's hysterical!!!

Posted 11/30/07 4:23 PM
 

JMC1014
We got a puppy!!

Member since 5/07

1420 total posts

Name:
J

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

so cute! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 11/30/07 4:53 PM
 

Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st

Member since 5/05

15287 total posts

Name:

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

Me too!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 11/30/07 8:22 PM
 

moonlithaze
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/06

667 total posts

Name:

Re: Old joke but still cracks me up!!

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Posted 11/30/07 10:08 PM
 
 

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