OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going back to work on Aug. 25th
I am a mess!!!! I can't sleep at night, I'm so upset I have to leave my baby. I know I've been lucky to be home the past 7 months with him, but I can't help but to keep thinking I'm going out towork and raise other people's children (I have been bumped to teach 3 year olds this year) while my baby gets raised by someone else!!!! It's just not fair!!!!!!
There's no way we can do it any longer with only 1 working so staying home unfortunately is not an option. I'm just inconsolable right now, I know many of you ahve gone through it and can relate. I am soooo upset...

People might not agree with me on this, In my opinion, the babysitter will be practically raising my child. He will be with her from 7 am to 4:30 pm. I will be picking him up, feeding him dinner, bathing him and putting him to bed. (a total of 2 hours spent with him) So the majority of the time is spend with HER not me. Same for the 3 year olds that will be in my class. They are at school from 8:15 until 3:25. I will be teaching MOST of these kids (and by most I mean almost all of them) how to sit properly, eat properly, potty train 99% of them and basically teach them all basic life skills. If that's not practically raising a child (at least for the duration of the school year of course )or at the very least a MAJOR, HUGE contribution in raising someone I don't know what is!!!!

It's even worst for my baby because he will be with his babysitter for what I am hoping many years to come. She's going to be a second mommy to him, as I will be to the little kids in my class.
People may not like what I said because it stinks to think that someone else is raising your child for you. AT least I feel unbelievably guilty. It sucks that modern moms have to go through this but its a reality. Being a stay home mom is a luxury these days! so so so sad!!!!


*edited to add more thoughts*

Message edited 8/14/2009 2:32:26 PM.

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It's so hard going back to work. Just remember though nobody else is raising your DS!!!! YOU are....

I went back to work when DD was 5 months old, it was HARD. I HATE that she is in daycare, I really do, BUT she LOVES it there and I see how she has been benefiting from it.

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No one else is raising your child. You are. You will always be Mommy and the most important influence in his life.



It does get easier.

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Many The preperation of going back to work is rough, but once you get into a routine you will be ok. Its never easy

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I was extremely upset right before I returned to work. I've been back for almost a month now and it does get easier. You just need to find someone you can trust. My mom takes care of DS and I know DS is in good hands. I still miss him of course but I truly cherish our time together and it's all quality time.

When I was home with him, it was often chaotic. I was so exhausted a lot of the time that a lot of our time wasn't quality time. The nights and days used to blur and I was a mess.

Message edited 8/14/2009 9:37:13 AM.

Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by chikita315

No one else is raising your child. You are. You will always be Mommy and the most important influence in his life.



It does get easier.

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just like you are not raising anyone else's child, no one is raising yours but you

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sending you so many

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WHile I see why you are feeling so upset and I understand your point about someone else raising your child. You need to think long term. Your child will only be with your babysitter unitl elementary school and then the whole word will change again. For the long road you are raising your child, but you are right in thinking that your baby sitter will have a major impact on your little one.. But that can be a really good thing.

I love that my little one loves her babysitter. SHe is like another mom to her. But only a secondary mom, and only a temporary one at that. I think its great that she has someonelse that she can count on and I hope that her babysittter will always be some part of her life, but I doubt it.

You will be ok and so will your baby.
It will be hard but you will both adjust and come to accept your circumstances. It might turn out to be something you would never want to change.

I tend to to think it is naive to think that anyone else is raising your child. I think a child care provider might think so, especially if they have never had a child of their own. There is a definate difference between babysitter/teacher/coach and parent. This coming from a mom who is only a part time teacher since my first child was born. I do not need to defend the position of being a fulltime working mom with children in daycare, but I choose to. My dd only spends 3 days in daycare and my big guy starts kindergarten this september.

Message edited 8/14/2009 3:07:23 PM.

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It's not that I don't like what you said, it's just that I don't completely agree.

I'd have to be crazy to not think that those caring for my son while I'm at work didn't have a huge role in his life. Of course they are contributing to who he is and what he'll be. That's why we put so much thought, effort and research in to WHO cares for our children while we work.

I do look at it as a collaborative effort. It also involves Grandparents, teachers, neighbors, Aunts, Uncles, Godparents. It does take a village . . .

I do refuse to let myself feel bad because I'm not the only person taking care of my son. I don't want to put the label "raising" on the care they give to him while I'm not there. I just feel for ME, it gives it a negative connotation and I don't want that. At the end of the day, it's my and my husband's responsibility to make DS a kind, generous and loving human being. That's what I consider raising.

ETA: To give you

because it is a difficult time to go through, no matter how you feel.

Message edited 8/14/2009 3:07:29 PM.

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Since my son was 8 weeks old, he has spent the majority of his day in daycare. I get a few hours with him. But he is my child. I'm the one who raises him. He gets taken care of during the day so that we can raise him well, since we can't do that on one income. He calls me mommy. At the end of the day, I'm the one he runs to. When he is sick, or wakes up in the Middle of the night, he yells out for mommy, not miss Jamie. He asks for me At daycare. Not one time during a weekend does he ask where his daycare provider is. He knows that that is school, and his family is his family. They aren't raising him to be a vegetarian, a music lover, a camper, a hiker, an athlete, or anything else. We do that!

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Isn't there a phrase "it takes a village to raise a child?" While I love my babysitter and my son does as well (and my son has been there since he was 8 weeks old, I am a teacher and I absolutely do not feel that I am "raising" other peoples children. Honestly, if there is no collaboration between parent and daycare provider, the things you mentioned would not happen. For example, if I was potty training a child at school, but the parent didn't follow through at home, that child would not be potty trained. Vice versa applies. It is a collaborative attempt. However, YOU are the child's parent. Even though right now you get home at 4, as your child gets older, he won't be going to bed at 6 anymore! You will spend more and more time with your child and you didn't even include the weekends and vacations! You might have your own opinion, but my honest opinion is if you have that mindset, that is making your transition back to work much harder. Honestly, I also wouldn't go around telling parents of the children in your class that you are raising them. You can say you are helping to raise them, but you are absolutely positivelyl NOT raising them singlehandedly and if a teacher EVER said that to me, I would pull my child out of the school so fast! JMO!

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I go back the same day I have been home for 7 months too- and although I am miserable to leave my baby, I am even MORE miserable to leave my 2 year old. She is so sad too.

I dream of running away with my kids so I don't have to do this. I didn't feel this way with my DD but now having gone through the return to work once, I am dreading it again. I feel the same way you do EXCEPT remember YOU are still the one raising your child. My DD was with Sylvia her babysitter for 2 years. I took off for this past maternity leave and she hasn't asked for her once. So even though they are so important to our children, WE are still their parents and teach them their values, their life goals and their all around belief systems. NO babysitter comes close to this.

So hang in there and feel free to FM me. I start crying at least once a day and I LOVE my job as a guidance counselor.

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first off, I just wat to offer you hugs

I do not however agree that the babysitter/daycare raises your child if you are a working mom. The above posters have already explained why and I completely agree.

All children go to school full time for much of the day by age 5 - does that mean all parents stop raising their children at that age??

Message edited 8/14/2009 8:13:46 PM.