OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

So for awhile I've been telling her that she can come and stay at our place while I'm in the hospital, but then I really would prefer not having people around overnight when I get home. So I told her she could stay at our place while I'm in the hospital, but then stay at a hotel when I get out. I would even help pay.

So then she says "I really don't know what you would want me to do. I would like to be there for her birth but I also want to spend time with you when you get home. Maybe we should come down on Thursday and leave on Sunday. Staying at a hotel, of course."

So I repeated, that I don't care when people visit, I just don't want people staying with us. Finally, I figured problem was solved.

Now TODAY, my dad (parents are divorced) asks me in email "is there a reason that you don't want your mom around after the birth? you might appreciate the help...just asking, not trying to intervene or interfere...."

WHERE DOES HE GET THIS FROM? Does she still think that I don't want her around??? UGH she is so aggrevating. I never said I didn't want her around. I must have told her 3 seperate times that she can come whenever she wants and hang out all day with us, but just not at night.

AmI being unreasonable? We only have a 2 bedroom apt, and the baby may start off sleeping in her own room. Plus I just want time to bond, just the three of us, when I first get home.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

my mom does this too- they twist everything to a personal attack. what is that? I hope it's not a chemical reaction that happens after you give birth.
Just last week my sister hits me with- "You have to promise to not complete your registry without mom- she said you were going to go while she was up here in Boston". I had said that, but immediately my mom asked me t wait for her, and I said- "OK, terrific, we'll go the following week".
Meanwhile, the only reason I even mentioned it is because she's putting the pressure on me to complete my registry in time for my cousins big friends and family discount at BBB in November.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

I don't think your wrong for feeling that way. I would want that alone time also. I would just try talking to her again...especially since it's your mom...not his.

I'm going to have the same issue. We have the 2nd floor of my boyfriends parents house. Its a 2 bedroom apartment. Also his sister and her family lives next door. I ABSOLUTELY love love love his family...never ever once had a bad experience with them but I know i'm going to lose that quality bonding time. I will have all 6 of them at my door 24/7. I'm a little sad about this and the baby isn't even here yet.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

I know how mother's can get. I happen to have an extra bedroom so I actually want my mom to stay with us the first week. I know she will be a huge help showing me what to do, and enabling me to sleep when I need to. My friend had her mom stay and she was really glad she did.

But I know what you mean. My mom guilts me all of the time.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

I could never tell my mom to come and visit us and stay in my home while I'm in the hospital with the baby, but then kick her out when I got home, I would feel sooo bad. Since she doesn't live by you and is coming to visit couldn't you just have her stay with you at night?? I mean I'm sure she will be a huge help to you and also those middle of the night feedings. I would take her up on it, you going to need your rest too. The more hands the better! JMO.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

You know what, I just thought about myself putting up this post as if it were my MIL I was talking about and I know I would not want her around me 24 hours a day.

But I can see where your Mom will feel insulted that you don't want her around at night. That is probably when you will want her the most

Message edited 10/25/2007 9:04:59 PM.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

I also felt that I just wanted to be home with DH and the baby and me, so you are not alone. Our parents live local and they still may have been offended that we did not want 24 hour visitors. This is a time when you have to just be a little selfish, but you also have to be careful what you wish for, as it would be great to have the help.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

I just know how I am, and I know I will want SOME alone time and I won't want people around during nighttime feedings (or morning/day ones, but I can't control that). And I know how my mom is and she will stress me out more than help me.

I just don't see how she will be able to help me in the middle of the night. She can't feed the baby, so it's not like she'll be helping me sleep.

Also, DH doesn't want visitors overnight either. So it's not just me that's the bad guy.

And how do I say that she (and my stepfather) can stay over, but DH's family cannot? Then his side will be pi$$ed. They are ALL coming at the same time.

Message edited 10/26/2007 8:48:22 AM.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

Honestly I would try to talk to her again. Explain how it's not that you and DH don't want her around or want her company. Let her know you just want that quality bonding time as a family. That you appreciate the fact she wants to help so much and that you really do need her help but if you have her there then how do you say no to MIL and FIL. I hope everything works out for you.

Re: OMG My mother is driving me crazy!!!! *vent*

Luckily my mom lives close so she will go home at night. My MIL lives in Minnesota and she is coming to stay with us after the baby is born. I already told DH that she isn't coming until we've been home for a week. I don't want to worry about her comfort when I just get home from the hospital. But I could never tell her to stay in a hotel when we have a 4 bedroom house. Do you not have room for your mom to stay in your house? Would it be crowded?


ETA I just reread your post. In a two bedroom apt I probably wouldn't want anyone staying either! Especially when you just get home from the hospital.

Message edited 10/26/2007 8:57:59 AM.