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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Diane
You are NOT crazy at all. Your DD is only 7 years old and that is the difference. You are not dealing with teenagers here.
I find it very bizarre that she would not give you the address?
This is the crux of it for me. If I wasn’t clear when I initially asked if I could stay via text, fine. If it wasn’t clear when I politely declined having her drive DD and asked for her address, fine. It should have become abundantly clear when she repeatedly said she would drive DD and gave vague answers about where she lived multiple times, to the point where I had to outright tell her that I don’t know her or her family and was not comfortable. It should have been pretty clear then.
It was not the initial “I’ll drive her” that made me scratch my head. Is was the insistence on driving and refusal to give the address. If she had just said “oh it’s xxx” I’d have driven DD there, probably stayed 20 minutes or so to make sure all was right and left. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
That is very strange. Honestly, if I didn't know the parent at all, which sounds like the case here, I would never offer to drive their kid in my car. In this instance, I would have given you my address, let you come in and feel welcome in my home and take it from there.
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Posted 1/23/23 11:55 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Play date drama
The not giving her address was weird but I do suggest you be a little more clear or vocal if you need clarity next time.
I would have never gone anywhere or accepted a playdate until I was clear on the location. But I’m a planner and would need to know this lol. When you picked the date and time you should have confirmed location. Or say I am not comfortable with drop offs yet and suggest places to meet if she didn’t feel like hosting you. I don’t think that would’ve been rude. This would’ve avoided the driving somewhere and everything that happened the day of.
I think she was triggered and was offended, therefore, started acting like a that. I’m not excusing her behavior and being vague but I think you both could’ve communicated better. The problem is you can’t control what someone finds offensive to them.
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| Posted 1/23/23 12:22 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
I can totally see this POV. I think, the mom clearly didnt want to have adult interaction, or at least not at her house-- some people are just self conscience about their homes for whatever reason. And many moms don't want to entertain
the parent during a play date at their house. That being said once it became obvious to her that you wanted to stay (which unless she is completely dense it should have been) you'd think she would have just allowed you to do that.
I agree with the poster that suggested that she was triggered and/or offended at that point and was trying to make a point /hold her ground. However, to continue that line of "she is safe with me" when you made clear that you didnt feel comfortable is def off putting .
P.S. Kinda weird she didnt want you to see her house since.. wouldnt you have seen her house when you went back to pick up your daughter?
Message edited 1/23/2023 1:37:29 PM.
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| Posted 1/23/23 12:33 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!
HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.
I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?
No, i thought it was weird because I thought you WERE the other parent. So i said "wow this just got really awkward" lol...
Also, FWIW i see both sides. I personally prefer to have playdates so my daughter leaves me alone for a little while, and I can cook dinner or clean the house. She is also 7, and we recently had a playdate where I thought the mother agreed to drop off her daughter, but ended up staying for the whole thing. She is super nice and sweet and we know each other... but i'm not gonna lie, I didn't really want to hangout LOL
Message edited 1/23/2023 2:24:06 PM.
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| Posted 1/23/23 2:22 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!
HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.
I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?
No, i thought it was weird because I thought you WERE the other parent. So i said "wow this just got really awkward" lol...
Also, FWIW i see both sides. I personally prefer to have playdates so my daughter leaves me alone for a little while, and I can cook dinner or clean the house. She is also 7, and we recently had a playdate where I thought the mother agreed to drop off her daughter, but ended up staying for the whole thing. She is super nice and sweet and we know each other... but i'm not gonna lie, I didn't really want to hangout LOL
No I am not the other parent! I was just saying what I thought the other mom was going around saying. My kids are a decent amount older than the OP one child. I have much more experience at this than she does and I don't think that she quite understands what the perception of someone that behaves the way she did is. People in my town would honestly be talking more about how strange she was than the other mom, and I again, I know this from experience.
And as a PP pointed out, obviously she would have had to give her address at some point. First of all, she invited the kid over to her house in the first place. Second she knows that the OP is going to have to pick her kid up at some point. To think that she was going to take the kid and never tell the OP where she lived is completely ridiculous. She wasn't planning on kidnapping the child.
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| Posted 1/24/23 7:54 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!
HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.
I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?
No, i thought it was weird because I thought you WERE the other parent. So i said "wow this just got really awkward" lol...
Also, FWIW i see both sides. I personally prefer to have playdates so my daughter leaves me alone for a little while, and I can cook dinner or clean the house. She is also 7, and we recently had a playdate where I thought the mother agreed to drop off her daughter, but ended up staying for the whole thing. She is super nice and sweet and we know each other... but i'm not gonna lie, I didn't really want to hangout LOL
No I am not the other parent! I was just saying what I thought the other mom was going around saying. My kids are a decent amount older than the OP one child. I have much more experience at this than she does and I don't think that she quite understands what the perception of someone that behaves the way she did is. People in my town would honestly be talking more about how strange she was than the other mom, and I again, I know this from experience.
And as a PP pointed out, obviously she would have had to give her address at some point. First of all, she invited the kid over to her house in the first place. Second she knows that the OP is going to have to pick her kid up at some point. To think that she was going to take the kid and never tell the OP where she lived is completely ridiculous. She wasn't planning on kidnapping the child.
Right but why not just give out your address when the other mom asks? Why was she being vague? While I don't think she was a kidnapper I do think that behavior was odd.
Op said I'll drive my DD to your house, was getting in the car to do so, and still didn't have an address. So how was she supposed to even get there? Let's say OP decided to bring her daughter to this woman's house for the play date after leaving the public place...what was the plan? Drive in a circle and guess?
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| Posted 1/24/23 8:10 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!
HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.
I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?
No, i thought it was weird because I thought you WERE the other parent. So i said "wow this just got really awkward" lol...
Also, FWIW i see both sides. I personally prefer to have playdates so my daughter leaves me alone for a little while, and I can cook dinner or clean the house. She is also 7, and we recently had a playdate where I thought the mother agreed to drop off her daughter, but ended up staying for the whole thing. She is super nice and sweet and we know each other... but i'm not gonna lie, I didn't really want to hangout LOL
No I am not the other parent! I was just saying what I thought the other mom was going around saying. My kids are a decent amount older than the OP one child. I have much more experience at this than she does and I don't think that she quite understands what the perception of someone that behaves the way she did is. People in my town would honestly be talking more about how strange she was than the other mom, and I again, I know this from experience.
And as a PP pointed out, obviously she would have had to give her address at some point. First of all, she invited the kid over to her house in the first place. Second she knows that the OP is going to have to pick her kid up at some point. To think that she was going to take the kid and never tell the OP where she lived is completely ridiculous. She wasn't planning on kidnapping the child.
Right but why not just give out your address when the other mom asks? Why was she being vague? While I don't think she was a kidnapper I do think that behavior was odd.
Op said I'll drive my DD to your house, was getting in the car to do so, and still didn't have an address. So how was she supposed to even get there? Let's say OP decided to bring her daughter to this woman's house for the play date after leaving the public place...what was the plan? Drive in a circle and guess?
TBH I think that the other woman was probably just super annoyed and started showing it. Maybe she thought that the OP was just going to follow her? Or maybe she actually didn't want them to come over after all of the nonsense of the morning.
I know my opinion is not the popular one on this topic and it's easy to be like yeah the other woman was a weirdo, but frankly the OP sounds like she was acting a bit strange too! It all stems from her being dodgy about why she wanted to stay at the playdate in the first place. Like I said earlier, could have all been avoided if she had just been honest from the get go.
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| Posted 1/24/23 8:14 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by lululu
If I'm playing devils advocate, I think part of it is that you weren't up front at the get go. I think you should have just said "thanks so much, we don't allow DD to go to playdates at homes we have not ourselves been to. Would you mind if I stayed, or you DD can come to our house, or we meet at a place around town?" Then there is no question that you NEED to stay if the playdate is at their house. It's not about your daughter being shy, it's about your decision as a parent what you are comfortable with. I think it was misleading to blame it on your daughter being uncomfortable when it was actually you. I think that you are probably telling your friends what a weirdo she is, but she's probably doing the same about you... and her story goes like this:
I invited this girl over for a playdate. Mom says yes, then the morning of asks to stay for the playdate because the girls is shy. Then she wants to meet at a different place instead of coming to my house. We get there and it's packed. I can see her daughter is totally fine with us and suggest bringing them back to my house. She won't even let the girl in the car with me!!! Then she says she will drop her off herself and instead just blows us off with a text!!! My daughter was crying the rest of the day because she was so excited for the playdate. What a freak!
oh wow this just got really awkward, LOL... two sides to every story for sure!!
HAHA. And here I am thinking it couldn’t get weirder.
I'm confused. What's weird? That I am giving a different point of view? Did I miss something? Was the objective of the post just to get people to agree with you that she is really odd and you were totally appropriate?
No, i thought it was weird because I thought you WERE the other parent. So i said "wow this just got really awkward" lol...
Also, FWIW i see both sides. I personally prefer to have playdates so my daughter leaves me alone for a little while, and I can cook dinner or clean the house. She is also 7, and we recently had a playdate where I thought the mother agreed to drop off her daughter, but ended up staying for the whole thing. She is super nice and sweet and we know each other... but i'm not gonna lie, I didn't really want to hangout LOL
No I am not the other parent! I was just saying what I thought the other mom was going around saying. My kids are a decent amount older than the OP one child. I have much more experience at this than she does and I don't think that she quite understands what the perception of someone that behaves the way she did is. People in my town would honestly be talking more about how strange she was than the other mom, and I again, I know this from experience.
And as a PP pointed out, obviously she would have had to give her address at some point. First of all, she invited the kid over to her house in the first place. Second she knows that the OP is going to have to pick her kid up at some point. To think that she was going to take the kid and never tell the OP where she lived is completely ridiculous. She wasn't planning on kidnapping the child.
Right but why not just give out your address when the other mom asks? Why was she being vague? While I don't think she was a kidnapper I do think that behavior was odd.
Op said I'll drive my DD to your house, was getting in the car to do so, and still didn't have an address. So how was she supposed to even get there? Let's say OP decided to bring her daughter to this woman's house for the play date after leaving the public place...what was the plan? Drive in a circle and guess?
TBH I think that the other woman was probably just super annoyed and started showing it. Maybe she thought that the OP was just going to follow her? Or maybe she actually didn't want them to come over after all of the nonsense of the morning.
I know my opinion is not the popular one on this topic and it's easy to be like yeah the other woman was a weirdo, but frankly the OP sounds like she was acting a bit strange too! It all stems from her being dodgy about why she wanted to stay at the playdate in the first place. Like I said earlier, could have all been avoided if she had just been honest from the get go.
I think the difference here is that this is the OP's first rodeo with all of this in a new area. People like you and I are seasoned playdate people established in our communities and, when you have multiple kids, you tend to get more lax and impatient with these situations. When my youngest was in kindergarten last year and I realized I had to do the stay to play playdates again I thought to myself oh this is just terrific.  I can see how the other mom was also put off by the situation but I always remind myself to be patient with the only kid/first kid parents. They are newbies to all of this.
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| Posted 1/24/23 10:12 AM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Play date drama
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
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| Posted 1/24/23 11:45 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
No one is shaming OP or first time moms. But she could have communicated better. I would have asked where are we meeting or also let the other mom know I am not comfortable yet with leaving my kid alone. This could've been hashed out via the first few text not face to face during the meet up. I feel like the OP was trying to avoid conflict or awkwardness by not being direct and then the other mom got annoyed and was being very weird and passive aggressive with the whole address thing.
Some of us just don't see it as black and white.
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| Posted 1/24/23 11:52 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by Sash
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
No one is shaming OP or first time moms. But she could have communicated better. I would have asked where are we meeting or also let the other mom know I am not comfortable yet with leaving my kid alone. This could've been hashed out via the first few text not face to face during the meet up. I feel like the OP was trying to avoid conflict or awkwardness by not being direct and then the other mom got annoyed and was being very weird and passive aggressive with the whole address thing.
Some of us just don't see it as black and white.
Exactly. No shaming at all. But if you only want people to blame the other woman, don’t post it. The whole situation got awkward when she was dishonest about why she wanted to stay at the play date. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to get to know the parents when you are dropping your kids off. I’m not sure why she was self conscious about it in the first place. I also make sure there are no firearms in the homes I let my kids go to. Might be an awkward question but it’s something I’m not comfortable with and if they think that’s weird I really don’t care. I’d rather be safe that sorry.
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| Posted 1/24/23 12:23 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
No, no shaming at all. I was the same way with my first. Its just a different dynamic after you get used to it.
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| Posted 1/24/23 1:21 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
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| Posted 1/24/23 1:37 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
Yes, they always say trust your gut as a parent. If you gut tells you that you are uncomfortable with a situation who cares what the "seasoned play date parents" (whatever the hell that is) say or think.
This is why my DD did barely any play dates- I wanted nothing to do with this nonsense.
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| Posted 1/24/23 1:40 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
Yes, they always say trust your gut as a parent. If you gut tells you that you are uncomfortable with a situation who cares what the "seasoned play date parents" (whatever the hell that is) say or think.
This is why my DD did barely any play dates- I wanted nothing to do with this nonsense.
No one said she should not trust her gut and that she was wrong for not letting her daughter go in a strangers car. That is not what I find odd or wrong.
I think she should have been more direct. The OP who is not Rainyday, said her daughter was shy. which to me was not being direct. I would have said I do not feel comfortable dropping my kid off, so I would have to stay if you don't mind. Then if the mom insisted like she did after the place was crowded, I would have reminded her of my rules and say let's do a raincheck when the place is less crowded. I would not have did that whole song and dance and then blame it on my kid again.
Honestly, I was offering advice for her in the future since this is new territory for her. Be open and honest with your rules. If the person doesn't like it, then they can go scratch.
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| Posted 1/24/23 2:01 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
No one is shaming OP or first time moms. But she could have communicated better. I would have asked where are we meeting or also let the other mom know I am not comfortable yet with leaving my kid alone. This could've been hashed out via the first few text not face to face during the meet up. I feel like the OP was trying to avoid conflict or awkwardness by not being direct and then the other mom got annoyed and was being very weird and passive aggressive with the whole address thing.
Some of us just don't see it as black and white.
Exactly. No shaming at all. But if you only want people to blame the other woman, don’t post it. The whole situation got awkward when she was dishonest about why she wanted to stay at the play date. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to get to know the parents when you are dropping your kids off. I’m not sure why she was self conscious about it in the first place. I also make sure there are no firearms in the homes I let my kids go to. Might be an awkward question but it’s something I’m not comfortable with and if they think that’s weird I really don’t care. I’d rather be safe that sorry.
Yes firearms is a big thing for me too. Some parents probably thought I was nuts for asking, but idc. That scares the hell out of me.
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| Posted 1/24/23 2:03 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
Yes, they always say trust your gut as a parent. If you gut tells you that you are uncomfortable with a situation who cares what the "seasoned play date parents" (whatever the hell that is) say or think.
This is why my DD did barely any play dates- I wanted nothing to do with this nonsense.
No one said she should not trust her gut and that she was wrong for not letting her daughter go in a strangers car. That is not what I find odd or wrong.
I think she should have been more direct. The OP who is not Rainyday, said her daughter was shy. which to me was not being direct. I would have said I do not feel comfortable dropping my kid off, so I would have to stay if you don't mind. Then if the mom insisted like she did after the place was crowded, I would have reminded her of my rules and say let's do a raincheck when the place is less crowded. I would not have did that whole song and dance and then blame it on my kid again.
Honestly, I was offering advice for her in the future since this is new territory for her. Be open and honest with your rules. If the person doesn't like it, then they can go scratch.
Exactly.
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| Posted 1/24/23 2:17 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by RainyDay
So us first time parents are being shamed for wanting to stay with a child in someone else's home for the first time wothout ever meeting the parents? With all the craziness these days there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever allow my child to go unattended to a strabgers house for a playdate, especially after the way that parent acted.
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
Yes, they always say trust your gut as a parent. If you gut tells you that you are uncomfortable with a situation who cares what the "seasoned play date parents" (whatever the hell that is) say or think.
This is why my DD did barely any play dates- I wanted nothing to do with this nonsense.
All it means is used to doing it. I have 3 kids and a centrally located house so there is a constant revolving door of kids. I don't think twice about any of this anymore but I also acknowledge that when my oldest son was little, I was much more involved. I am not in any way judging what OP did or how she felt, I am just saying I can see both sides. (Not the address thing though...that's weird).
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| Posted 1/24/23 2:28 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by Pomegranate5
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
You don’t think she contributed to the situation by lying and saying she wanted to stay at the play date because her daughter is shy? This definitely didn’t need to be discussed weeks in advance but her reason for wanting to stay was never discussed at all! Because she lied! All we are saying is that the whole weird situation could have been avoided if she had been upfront and honest. I don’t know how any reasonable person can’t see that. Personally I don’t think either of them are “crazy.” I think the whole thing was probably a big misunderstanding and there’s really no reason for either parent to go around trash talking the other, but from my experience that’s inevitable.
Message edited 1/24/2023 5:50:35 PM.
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| Posted 1/24/23 5:50 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Play date drama
Thank you all for the responses. Many of you brought up good points I didn’t think about, especially the idea that some parents mellow with multiple kids. You’re right in that I probably should have said outright that I like to attend a first playdate if I don’t know the parents. I suspect that would not have mattered to this woman but I guess we’ll never know.
For anyone wondering, my DD said she and the little girl have been playing and talking as usual at school.
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| Posted 1/24/23 6:22 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by Pomegranate5
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
You don’t think she contributed to the situation by lying and saying she wanted to stay at the play date because her daughter is shy? This definitely didn’t need to be discussed weeks in advance but her reason for wanting to stay was never discussed at all! Because she lied! All we are saying is that the whole weird situation could have been avoided if she had been upfront and honest. I don’t know how any reasonable person can’t see that. Personally I don’t think either of them are “crazy.” I think the whole thing was probably a big misunderstanding and there’s really no reason for either parent to go around trash talking the other, but from my experience that’s inevitable.
I find it interesting that you keep saying I posted to get people to agree with me while you appear to be posting to get people to disagree with me.
A post asking for people’s opinion is not trash talking. Also, saying I’m being talked about and that the woman probably thinks I’m a weirdo is shaming, which you claim to not be doing. I know this is hard for you to believe, but I don’t care what this woman thinks of me. I’d much rather she go around telling people I’m a weirdo or freak or whatever myriad of terms you’ve used to describe me than letting DD go with her and having her tell people I let my kid in a stranger’s car.
We all get it, you think I’m wrong. You’ve posted more than I have. I don’t have time to keep responding, but if you want to keep this thread going to let people know what a lunatic I am, go right ahead.
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| Posted 1/24/23 6:38 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Is it me? I’m not the crazy one, am I? My bff says I’m not.
This was your post. Clearly you just wanted people to agree with you. Sorry that I didn't and tried to point out another point of view, which I was then told was weird.
Yes, you are right, you did nothing wrong, she's a freak.
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| Posted 1/24/23 6:47 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Play date drama
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| Posted 1/24/23 6:51 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
I have to be honest, I’m with lululu here. When I first read the post and the responses I was surprised. My take is - I don’t think your crazy but I can see the two sides to the story. If you don’t allow your DD to go to peoples houses without you, you should have explained that and invited the child to your house off the bat! DD is 7 which imo and where I live is borderline weird to not have play dates without you but definitely not acceptable to insist you be present at a play date. At 7 I would never assume if my child was invited to a play date that it included me. Maybe if she was 2,3,4 or 5 I would agree that this woman was nuts but not at 7. At that age I never had a situation like this ever where the parent wouldn’t let their child go to a play date without them. That said, it’s your child, your choice so you should have told this to the mom right from the beginning and offered to host. I think the other mom was probably shocked and trying to get out of the situation honestly and like lulu I can totally see how someone might perceive your actions as very odd as well.
Message edited 1/24/2023 7:38:52 PM.
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| Posted 1/24/23 7:35 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Play date drama
Posted by lululu
Posted by Pomegranate5
I don't know how anyone can read the story and think you did anything wrong, or contributed to this situation in any way.
You said up front, BEFORE you met up, that you wanted to stay at the playdate. I'm not sure why that needed to be discussed weeks in advance. If she didn't want you at her house she should have sucked it up and stayed at the public place.
She wanted your daughter to come to her house, and she adamantly did NOT want you there, and was going to some pretty weird lengths to make it happen.
Bottom line is that you got a bad feeling and you left. Trust your instinct. You did the right thing. YOU are most definitely not the crazy one in this story, I don't care what anyone says.
You don’t think she contributed to the situation by lying and saying she wanted to stay at the play date because her daughter is shy? This definitely didn’t need to be discussed weeks in advance but her reason for wanting to stay was never discussed at all! Because she lied! All we are saying is that the whole weird situation could have been avoided if she had been upfront and honest. I don’t know how any reasonable person can’t see that. Personally I don’t think either of them are “crazy.” I think the whole thing was probably a big misunderstanding and there’s really no reason for either parent to go around trash talking the other, but from my experience that’s inevitable.
No I don’t really see that as an issue. For all we know her daughter IS shy. She could have two reasons. But once a parent says she wants to stay, that’s the end of the discussion. At 7yrs that’s common. And they spent all of a few minutes at the public location before deciding to leave so there’s no reasonable way the mom could have determined that a child she didn’t know was not shy.
But more than that, I just don’t think there is ever a good reason for trying to withhold the address of where you want to take a stranger’s child, even if we assume she would tell her later that day. That’s a red flag that does make her seem crazy imo.
But the good news is that I’m sure from now on the OP is going to be very clear when making plans.
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| Posted 1/24/23 9:32 PM |
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