Please help me!! I think the soap operas over!!!!

My MIL is out of control, and I believe I am at my breaking point...

As said MANY MANY times before... My Inlaws are great people...who help us ALOT... which makes things soooo difficult for me when shes a PITA!!!


PLease help me!!! this woman is so controlling... and its getting harder and harder each day... I just wanna leave and not come back...my hormones and emotions are wacky and shes making everything for me 1000 times more difficult... PLease help

Message edited 2/21/2006 9:03:50 PM.

Re: Please help me!!

Re: Please help me!!

I would tell her whats bothering you. I would sit down and have a heart to heart. Explain to her that you don't know if it is raging hormones or what, but you just feel like she is putting so much pressure on you and you feel like she is trying to drive you away. Tell her you are 7 months pregnant and don't want to be criticized for every last thing you do. And tell her, you love her and her family, but things like calling somone uncle, take time. You've only been married a couple weeks and it takes time to get used to things. Tell her you appreciate everything she has done for you, but sometimes you just need a little space and alone time with your husband, especially being 7 mos. pregnant. You can only do so much!! I hope all works out.

Re: Please help me!!

My mom later added that my MIL had said she stopped by on Friday and one of the cars was here...she got out of the car and felt that it was hot...so it is to her belief one of us was home and juts not answeing the door when she got there. Hello when its like 90+ outside the hood of the car is gonna be hot.. this lady is nuts!!!


So after crying to DH today he took it upon himself to call her... This did not go so well...

I didnt hear the convo..so of course he only gave me brief details...basically he just said he didnt understand why she had the FBI looking for us..after we didnt call her back...it wasnt like we had been missing a week...we had just spent 3 straight days with them...

He also said how inappropriate it was for her to call my mother.. All she kept saying was... well "I wont care about you anymore"..and "point well taken"... He said to her if anything had happened we wouldve called and not for nothing...but if you really thought something was wrong...why didnt you call our cells??????

Dh also touched on the subject of the furniture and asked her why she couldnt just say that she liked it and left...why did she have to upset me (which then upsets him) and suggest it be done HER WAY... and that HER WAY isnt always right!!!!!

We then got a msg later on...on how shes gonna stay out of our lives blah blah blah... so dramatic...theres no way to win... either I ignore her rudeness and admitt myself into the mental institution or listen to her sob about how we dont love her...

WHY THE HELL CAN SHE JUST SAY IM SORRY IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN...THE END????

I truely didnt want DH to handle this, because now shes just gonna walk around saying I turned her son against her...

I dont know what to do...??? Why cant I just be happy Im married to a great man... and have a healthy little boy on the way... why does she have to make things so damn hard????

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Is it a full moon or are all MIL's out to get us? I think you need to talk to her and set her straight. You know what I did already....(from reading my MIL post)...so maybe you need to chat with her as well. I agree that she is being a bit dramatic about staying out of your lives and all that. Geez...she should cut the cord already..you guys just got married!!! She also needs to be a bit more sensitive to you...you are pregnant...you know...

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Well I started typing her an email...but it basically repeats what DH said to her...

SO I dont know if I should send it...or just wait for her to come around...

My SIL (her daughter) thinks shes being so ridiculous..and thinks I should just let it be and let Ryan deal with it...

All I keep thinking is about its only gonna get worse when the babys here

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

You shouldn't let it be...or it's going to get worse. People always told me that it gets worse after the baby is born and I didn't believe them....but it does. How do you feel comfortable talking to her? Face to face or by e-mail...what do you think is more effective? She needs to know that she's insulting you and making you feel hurt...with her comments. If she knows the way you feel...maybe she'll change how she speaks to you.

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

well i know DH cleared those 2 points up with her... I wrote her an email...(for if I speak to her Im gonna get the woe is me speech) it basically said the same things just in a nicer way...

I know myself... and I know when this baby gets her I def. am not gonna wanna hear anyones suggestions...I wanna do things myself.. when I need help Ill ask..but I dont wanna be made to feel like Im not being a good enough mom...and I know if shes already doing that with where I decide to put my recliner....I know she'll do that with the baby

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Wow, can you say guilt trip? I hate when you get those answers "Fine, then I'll just stay out of your lives". That is when I really want to say "Okay, thanks for making this easier on me".
Too bad it isn't that easy though. My MIL gives us guilt trips for not going out socializing with them over the past few months. We were mourning our son and the last thing I wanted to do was sit in a crowded restaurant drinking beers with them. She got her petty revenge on me for my birthday. I wasn't up to going out to eat, so she completely forgot my birthday (which at the time, I couldn't care in the least about). I finally said something to her about the guilt trips. She shut her mouth, but I saw the wheels spinning inside her head just making a mental note of how dare I confront her.
And she's a real nut for calling your Mother and checking the hood of the car. What if you had just gotten home and were getting busy in the house? Would she have liked to come in and watched? Or maybe you guys fell asleep. It's your home, where you can do what you want!

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

In the email...I stated there is no need for the "dont worry Ill stay out of your lives speech...for no one ( ) is asking her to stay out....

I guess we'll see what happens???

Im just worried about my shower...I know its upcoming...(when exactly I dont have a clue)
I just dont need this...No one wants me there..im not gonna go drama... ESP> since shes invited her whole family!!!

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Hi, I am coming in on this a little late, but I have read quite a few posts about your MIL, and I wanted to add a little something. What you described is how JT's mom treats his sister. MIL told JT's sister that she's a bad mother because she got a job to help pay for the mortgage on the house they were going to lose if she didn't get a job. Meanwhile, SIL's daughter is in 2nd grade, it's not like she's little and needs someone home with her. So, what does JT's sister do? QUITS HER JOB And this was one of the NICER things JT's mother has said to his sister.
Now, his mother began to treat JT and I like this, and I just put my foot down. As hard as it is, when she would give her "no one loves me" speech, I would just tell her that if that's what she wants to believe, then no one can change that, and that perception can twist any situation if you want it to. Granted it took me like 20 times to get the point across that her bullsh!t doesn't work on me, but she has left us alone for quite some time now. I REALLY believe that if you do not allow someone to do this to you, then they will eventually stop. SHe's obviously treating you this way to get some sort of a reaction out of you and your DH, so if you don't back down, and it will be hard not to, then I think that by the time the baby comes, she will know her place.

MILs are like dogs, honey, they need to be trained
Hang in there

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Posted by prncssrachel

MILs are like dogs, honey, they need to be trained
Hang in there

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Posted by Princessmaris


I truely believe the reason shes got her teeth sunk into me, is because her own kids dont let her do it.. they painly tell her to BACK OFF...Shes not my mom though...so Ive never done that...
QUOTE]


See...this is just what I'm talking about. Her OWN KIDS don't let her get away with it, so why should you? It's even MORE of a reason for her to NOT do this to you because you are not her blood relative. I would take your DH's lead and continue to tell her to back off. You cannot change this woman, you can only change the way you deal with her. Does that mean she will stop trying to guilt you? NO, but at least you can save yourself the stress of worrying about it. JT's mother tells me ALL THE TIME that I'm going to be a TERRIBLE mother and that I have NO VALUES, all because I work. I tell her it's none of her business what I do with my non-existent children and that whatever I do will be what's best for JT and I. I just chock it all up to her being an azzhole. It's that plain and simple. She's a complete moron whether I allow her to talk to me that way or not. NOTHING in this world will make my MIL, your MIL or anyone else's MIL not be a complete and total asswipe. The best we can do is keep them at arm's length and laugh at how stupid they are

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Posted by prncssrachel

Posted by Princessmaris


I truely believe the reason shes got her teeth sunk into me, is because her own kids dont let her do it.. they painly tell her to BACK OFF...Shes not my mom though...so Ive never done that...
QUOTE]


See...this is just what I'm talking about. Her OWN KIDS don't let her get away with it, so why should you? It's even MORE of a reason for her to NOT do this to you because you are not her blood relative. I would take your DH's lead and continue to tell her to back off. You cannot change this woman, you can only change the way you deal with her. Does that mean she will stop trying to guilt you? NO, but at least you can save yourself the stress of worrying about it. JT's mother tells me ALL THE TIME that I'm going to be a TERRIBLE mother and that I have NO VALUES, all because I work. I tell her it's none of her business what I do with my non-existent children and that whatever I do will be what's best for JT and I. I just chock it all up to her being an azzhole. It's that plain and simple. She's a complete moron whether I allow her to talk to me that way or not. NOTHING in this world will make my MIL, your MIL or anyone else's MIL not be a complete and total asswipe. The best we can do is keep them at arm's length and laugh at how stupid they are

I love it!!!

Re: Please help me!! UPDATE

Ive got more news:

I spoke to my SIL who spoke to MIL last night... our stories were the same... However MIL said she stopped by and felt the car only because she thought something was wrong.. (Im gonna call BS on that one though... if I was in the hospital we wouldnt of been home... the only thing stopping by did was see if we were home and just ignoring her) which we were not!!!!!!

Anyways SIL brought up the plain old point of why its my responsibility to call her back... and why its not Ryan who is at fault for "ignoring" her calls..as she thinks... her answer: well Marissa always calls me back

She agreed she shouldnt of called my mother... but also made it sound like she called to discuss my shower and my mom just volunteered the info... (my mom did say she discussed some baby shower details... but the woman called the house crying from the start)

And last but not least...she made the grand old remark that Ryan spoke to her like that because of me... because he had to defend me... (oh boy did I know this one was coming)
SIL said welll good... Thats what hes supposed to do!!!!

I still have gotten no response from my email...and she has no called... She told SIL she already apologized (which she did when she left the Ill stay out of your lioves speech on my answering machine... and that we now need to apologize to her...

Im unsure of what Im supposed to be sorry for (not telling her from the start that it offended me when she "suggested" where I placed my furniture was wrong..????

I do agree that DH should probably say hes sorry for how he spoke to her... but NOT the things he said... (I know he like cursed her out... and there is still a line of respect...) BUt as I said B4 I will MAKE SURE nothing he said (other than the curses) are taken back!!!!!

Come on' rachel and STefanie...your helping me so much... what do I do now???

Re: Please help me!! Update~More

Wow has your MIL met mine She recently pulled crap- as usual when she was up for my DC's christening. That was it- I turned right off, she really cut low this time. In my experience with her over the last 8 years, I have found if and when DH goes back at her it is so shocking to her that she mopes for a couple of days calls his sisters and complains about us and then behaves. It seems that a lot of mothers (according to my SIL) take the old saying to heart:

A son is a son til he takes a wife
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.

She is probably afraid of this, as I am told my MIL is.

I honestly just at this point, especially with the baby, when she makes suggestions, say 'ya think'? 'Really, hmm I'll think about it' and then say forget it and go about my merry way. Your DH probably knows how to deal with her best I would let him deal with her, get caller ID and tell him it's his issue.

Wish I had better advice

Re: Please help me!! Update~More

Re: Please help me!! Update~More

I am so sorry you are going through this!

Re: Please help me!! Update~More

She wrote me back~

It was a VERY long email.... not bad at all...

Some parts didnt really make sense though... In one part she goes on and on about how she dosent like being accused of calling my mom crying..and she didnt call to involve her... and she said nothing about us ignoring her...

but then like a paragraph later she says... "your mom said....when I started to cry" ....."and after your mom said... I said that must be why they are ignoring me." Whatever her intentions were bottom line she involved my mom...so Im a little confused about these "false" accusations..?????

I didnt get the dont worry Ill stay out of your life speech... however she said she isnt calling us anymore, shes gonna wait for us to come to her...but she'll always be there for us if we need her...

Im confused isnt that the same speech with just more detail????

I wrote her back yet again... asking about these false accusations... and highlighting all the things she admitted to... I also said that no one was asking her to minus herself from our day to day life... but maybe to not give her opinion if we didnt ask for it... and maybe give us more time to get back to her...I told her I dont care how many times a day she calls... but to be understanding if we arent home, or if we just dont simply feel like answering...we'll always call her back... but she needs to give us time before calling the SWAT team....

SHe blamed alot of this on the fact she was worried...and I AGAIN assured her that if something was every wrong...someone would call her...

Hmmm....Anyting I missed????? What comes next???

Re: Please help me!! She wrote back!!!!!!

WEll, I'm glad you STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF!!!! Now let it die. Seriously. No need to drag it out anymore than it needs. HOPEFULLY she gets the point!

Re: Please help me!! She wrote back!!!!!!

BRAVO!!! Well said!! I think that you've done all you can for now. However, if she starts acting up again, you'll have to put her in her place and remind her all over again.

Geez...these mother in laws!!!

Re: Please help me!! She wrote back!!!!!!

And yet again I have more news....

as said before I wrote her back after her email last night...WELL... lets just say I shouldve dropped it and not of written her back...

She writes back yet again...and this time she was NASTY... but I think Im at the point where its just too damn funny... I dont even care... I didnt have the strength to read the whole thing...nor even put thought into replying yet once again!!!!

Shortly after reading her email..DH says to me... I have to go there and pic up the xbox and the movies his cousins had borrowed last week... and asks if I wanna come... ummm do I wanna come - NO!!!! but I figured Id be the bigger person and come along for the ride...

We walk into the house....she thinks we're his dad...we say no just us... we walk into the den to say hi...and she is just sitting in her chair... with her face in her hands... DRAMA!!! I walk out... DH goes... OOOooo God and rolls his eyes and follows me...

We collect his things and as we are leaving she asks how I feel...nicley I reply fine.. we say good-bye and we leave...

SO one could say I made an attempt at peace right...???? I went there... even though the CR@P she pulled... and after recieving her nasty email...she choose to ignore me...

So now I get to sit back and relax....right?

Re: Please help me!! I think the soap operas over!!!!

She will always be your MIL so just leave it alone and try and get on with your life....getting ready for the baby and the rest of your stuff......she will eventually have to call you

Re: Please help me!! I think the soap operas over!!!!

Posted by Princessmaris
So now I get to sit back and relax....right?

Re: Please help me!! I think the soap operas over!!!!

I am just going to say one word
MOVE

I love my family and my DH family but we live 3000 miles away. There is no drama- only tears of happiness when we come home to visit.
I mean it- it would help your sanity