Pregnancy Question

Okay

1 I am NOT pregnant

2. I don't know if I want to be pregnant

BUT

I am seeing a guy, my age 39, who wants a family.

This is NEW. If we are happy and stay together I am thinking 1.5 to 2 years AT LEAST before we think kids

So that means pregnant at 41-42

Am I crazy/wrong? Isn't this too old to start having kids. I mean if I had one already maybe but for a first. Isn't it too risky? He is hell bent on it. Says he is willing to do anything to have a child.

I do not want to be rude. But maybe what is needs to do is date a younger woman? I don't know.

Thoughts?

Re: Pregnancy Question

I don't think it's too old to have a child, but the older you get the harder it gets to get pregnant (so they say.)
I got pregnant with my first at 35, had her at 36.
I got pregnant on the first try.
I had a normal, healthy, non eventful pregnancy. I had an amnio.
All was well.

But there is a difference between 35 and 41-42.

However, I know several people who had their firsts at that age and had uneventful pregnancies and healthy babies.

It's just that statistically it's a higher risk situation.
But it doesn't mean you won't be perfectly fine.

As far as telling him that he needs to find a younger woman, well that is a personal decision.
Putting age and risks aside- do YOU want children? Is it something you want for yourself?
You don't want to do something as big as having a child just because the person you are with is hell bent on it.

If you want it and can yourself as a mom and all the changes that brings, then go for it- when the time is right.

Pregnancy Question

just wanted to say that I had my first at 26, and had 2 miscarriages 1 ectopic before having a successful pregnancy. My older sister had her first at 38 years old and got pregnant the first month she tried.

Don't think age has much to do with it. We both had regular cycles, no medical issues, nothing.

Pregnancy Question

I do love kids.

I am NOT prepared however for a sick baby if its a sickness that is my fault for waiting too long. I know the number of down's babies goes up, etc.

I am also a competitor in NPC bodybuilding competitions. I have stayed so lean for the past two years that I do not get a period anymore. I am not sure if it will come back.

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I'm an older mom. It's not necessarily too late, but it COULD be. It's impossible to tell how easy/difficult it will be for you to get pregnant (at any age) unless you are trying. I feel like it's more common for women to have children later in life, but that can give you a false sense of having more time than you do. If you don't want to get pregnant now, but think you will, I would look into freezing eggs in case you need them later on. I'm not sure how that works if you're not having periods, but there may be a medication they'll give you to make you ovulate. I would seriously consider it. Also consider if you want multiple children, how that might be more difficult the longer you wait.

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Pregnancy Question

Obviously you need to put serious thought into whether or not it's something you want. If it might be, I would talk to your doctor sooner rather than later to get an idea of what to expect. They can also do preconception bloodwork to see what's what.

I have a relative who works out a lot but also I think doesn't eat enough. She doesn't get a period and was put on medication to help bring it on to ttc.

In this day and age, I wouldn't hesitate to try at your age. I just think you need to think through the possibilities and talk through with your SO about how you think you would handle them to try to be on the same page.

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I am 39 pregnant with my first. We had difficulties and life got in the way, but luckily became pregnant with help. So far morning sickness and immune system taking a beating my high risk pregnancy is uneventful. I had all non invasive testing done..

One doctors office told me 52 is the age of a women who just gave birth.

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My mom had my brother at 40. Completely uneventful pregnancy, he popped out in like 15 minutes. Doctor said he wished he had more patients like her.

HOWEVER, I think you also have to consider your age for further down the line. I know my parents were not as involved in my brother's daily life as they could have been. They did take him on more vacations than I went on, but the daily tasks fell to me. I think the older you get, your mothering instincts start fading and that need to care for your young is not as strong. You may also have less energy as you get older to run around after a toddler/young kid (though in your case that may not be as likely)

Pregnancy Question

Thank you all so much.

You brought up great points. I have a lot to think about. But this helped immensely.

Pregnancy Question

im 41 and currently going thru ivf. My ovarian reserve is low. It’s something I never thought about and it’s taking a lot longer and a lot of money to get pregnant at this point. It’s not as easy as I thought.

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I am sure that the poster above did not mean what she wound up saying, but please dispel the very offensive and untrue idea that your mothering instinct fades after 40.

I had kids younger, BUT the over 40 moms that I know are often (though not always) as or more maternal because 1) they are more cognizant and grateful and mindful of and for the fact that they have babies; 2) their maturity means they less likely to be immature, shallow, and self absorbed and more self sacrificing; 3) they have likely often already traveled, gone out, achieved career goals, and thus have less FOMO, pressure, resentment, and other issues that makes parents not be around or mentally present for their children.

The idea that all older moms are less maternal is laughable.

Re: Pregnancy Question

I am sure that the poster above did not mean what she wound up saying, but please dispel the very offensive and untrue idea that your mothering instinct fades after 40.

The over 40 moms that I know are often (though not always) as or more maternal because 1) they are more cognizant and grateful and mindful of and for the fact that they have babies; 2) their maturity means they less likely to be immature, shallow, and self absorbed and more self sacrificing; 3) they have likely often already traveled, gone out, achieved career goals, and thus have less FOMO, pressure, resentment, and other issues that makes parents not be around or mentally present for their children.

The idea that all older moms are less maternal is laughable.

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It’s not too old to start having kids in this day and age. I had my last baby at 39. My OB said he had a 52 year old woman pregnant in his practice.

My question is do you want a child? I didn’t hear you say you want a baby, but your bf is hell bent on it. This is more important than your age in my opinion.

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It’s not too late if you want to.
But fertility does start to decline at 30, more so at 35 and it’s hard to get pregnant at 40.
Many, many women in their 50s have egg donors (I personally know of a few).
Having the baby itself is only slightly more risky (from a medical perspective to yourself). Yes, there is a higher chance of generic issues with the baby as you age, but there are screens for that.