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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
when you have a 16 year old who does nothing all day long but play video games? BIL is alot younger than DH and he has no desire to get a job, get his drivers permit, or go outside. all he wants to do is play Xbox 360! its driving all of us insane!!! they've gone to such extents as to hiding the modem and the games but then he throws a fit so IL's have just given up. he's the only kid i know that didnt run to the dmv the day they turned 16!!! he makes up excuses for why he cant work at certain places that are hiring...."i dont want to work with food"..."you have to work late at that place"...etc.
what do we do with him? he seems to have no thoughts about college either. IL's are okay with him not going to college, but he has to have some idea soon with what he wants to do then cause he'll be graduating high school in 2 years!
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Posted 6/28/07 11:23 AM  |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
does he live at home w/his parents?
Some ideas...although I don't have kids yet so not sure how easily they can be implemented!
-He's 16, take the Xbox away completely & let him throw a fit
-Take away any other luxuries he has around the house that his parents provide
-Don't allow him to watch TV (disconnect in extreme measures)
-Threaten to charge him rent after high school if he does not go to college
-Give him -0- money and strict rules whether he follows them or not, punish if he doesnt follow them and dont give up
-Offer him incentives to look for a job ("if you get a job, maybe we will help you with buying a car", etc)
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:31 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
They should take away his video games and NOT give into his fits.
He's obviously used to getting his way - his parents have to hold out on him. If they don't have any expectations for him, he won't have any for himself. They need to hold him to a higher standard. They should tell him he HAS to get his permit / a job / whatever or else he loses his video games and any other privileges.
If he learns that every time he throws a fit, he gets his way, he won't learn to function very well in the real world. JMHO.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:33 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
I don't think anything will work until you have ILs on board.
As long as they let him sit around doing nothing, that's what he'll do. Or until a girl enters the picture & he needs money to take her out.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:33 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Gee Em, that's a tough one.
Does he have any friends? What do they do all day?
I would seriously cutt off all his allowance, if he gets any. I would also tell him he needs to get a job or he will have to start contributing to the household, ie. doing chores like mowing the lawn, making dinner and cleaning the house.
He can't continue to mooch off your ILs, that's not fair.
What does Alex say?
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:35 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think anything will work until you have ILs on board.
As long as they let him sit around doing nothing, that's what he'll do. Or until a girl enters the picture & he needs money to take her out.
Exactly.
I think money can be a huge motivater - I know that was why I started working as a teen. My parents were not supplying me with spending money to go out or to buy whatever I wanted. If they cut him off, he might be more inclined to get off his butt and do something. A 16 year old without a job doesn't get an Xbox and all the games to go with it unless someone else is providing it.
Message edited 6/28/2007 11:37:11 AM.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:36 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
I agree that until his parents do something about it, nothing else can be done. Why do they keep giving it back to him? In my house, if my dad took something away we didn't DARE ask for it back. If we did, in the garbage it went!
They are allowing it to go on, so they can't complain about it.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:38 AM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think anything will work until you have ILs on board.
As long as they let him sit around doing nothing, that's what he'll do. Or until a girl enters the picture & he needs money to take her out.
yea DH got upset with him yesterday and said "you're 16, you should be out getting girls not sitting at home with your video games!!!" but its literally in one ear and out the other.
i agree that IL's have to be on board. they yell at him all the time but then when he argues back they back off because he's "the baby". its so frustrating to watch and i feel so bad for them. and i get so upset with BIL because FIL's been sick since Nov and going for chemo and he does NOTHING to help!
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:38 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by dpli
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think anything will work until you have ILs on board.
As long as they let him sit around doing nothing, that's what he'll do. Or until a girl enters the picture & he needs money to take her out.
Exactly.
I think money can be a huge motivater - I know that was why I started working as a teen. My parents were not supplying me with spending money to go out or to buy whatever I wanted. If they cut him off, he might be more inclined to get off his butt and do something. A 16 year old without a job doesn't get an Xbox and all the games to go with it unless someone else is providing it.
I agree. I think it has to be the ILs who change their act though--you can't do much if they continue to coddle him.
It was around that age when my parents took me on trips to look at colleges though, which made me much more excited about the prospect of going away. Maybe they can take time this summer to look at schools.
Message edited 6/28/2007 11:39:56 AM.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:39 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
simple - money
the IL's have to stop giving him money.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:39 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
simple - money
the IL's have to stop giving him money.
i agree.. where did the 360 and the games come from? he couldn't have bought them himself if he doesn't work.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:45 AM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by SweetTooth
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
simple - money
the IL's have to stop giving him money.
i agree.. where did the 360 and the games come from? he couldn't have bought them himself if he doesn't work.
he worked all of last summer for my FIL and he took ALL of the money he saved and bought the system and games. he even sold the iPod SIL gave him for Christmas so he could get more games!!! i was soooo ****** when i heard that!
Message edited 6/28/2007 11:46:51 AM.
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| Posted 6/28/07 11:46 AM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
He is going through a phase now. If he wants to waste his life on video games, so be it. If I were his mother I would absolutely give no money or gifts since he was rude enough to return an ipod.
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:05 PM |
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Geraldine
Lovin Life........
Member since 5/07 2388 total posts
Name:
Geraldine
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
It sounds like your IL's need to stop coddling(sp?) him....Backing off of him when he gets upset isn't going to help him now or later on in life...He needs some direction.... some motivation, someone to light a fire under his butt and get him excited about life and all it has to offer
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:09 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Does he have friends? I ask b/c I know when I was 16 my friends are what motivated me to get my permit...I did not want to be the only one without it.
He might need therapy...sounds like he has some deep issues.
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:15 PM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
There, really, isn't anything you or your husband can do. He lives at home with his parents and, until, they step up to the plate and, actually, start parenting, he will continue to be exactly as he is. He has no desire to do anything because he has no motivation. Everything he wants, he gets handed to him. Your in-laws are enablers and they are doing him more harm than they can imagine. They are the ones that need to be spoken to, not him. I understand that your father-in-law has been ill, but, this boy's behavior isn't something that just happened. It has been a long time coming. They let him be this way, and only they can correct it.
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:16 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
I think a lot of kids are really into video games. However, I don't think it's entirely positive to do all day long, since it's not really social and there is no healthy physical activity involved. Is there anything at all besides video games he is interested in doing? Maybe you and/or your DH could bring him to a baseball game, out to dinner or to the mall - anything. then talk to him. Maybe he is depressed with his dad being sick, or something else may be bothering him?
good luck.
Message edited 6/28/2007 12:18:10 PM.
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:17 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
I had sorta the same problem with my son ..who is 16 except he's not at home playing video games all day. He runs up cell phone bills with his girlfriend and thinks he can hang out all day. Sorry ...not in my house!! I warned him twice and the 3rd time he did it, I told him now he has to get a job to pay for it because I will no longer pay it for him.
He at first didnt' want to look for work and was making excuses like:
"I don't want to work in a fast food place"
"I can't work and go to school and play sports"
My thing is they don't make them work late hours and by law cannot, so there is NO excuse.
Sure enough..he went out job hunting..and now is just waiting to hear back.
It's hard..hang in there!
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:20 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by curliegirl
Gee Em, that's a tough one.
Does he have any friends? What do they do all day?
I would seriously cutt off all his allowance, if he gets any. I would also tell him he needs to get a job or he will have to start contributing to the household, ie. doing chores like mowing the lawn, making dinner and cleaning the house.
He can't continue to mooch off your ILs, that's not fair.
What does Alex say?
he has friends but IL's dont like any of them...they call them thugs. he goes to public school and its not the best school district in the world. if you know what town i live in, you know what im talking about.
i talk to SIL about this problem everyday and she is literally at her whits end. she hides the modem before she leaves for work and he just goes into her room and finds it and plugs it right back in...which is completely disrespectful!!!
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| Posted 6/28/07 12:35 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by alnem
i talk to SIL about this problem everyday and she is literally at her whits end. she hides the modem before she leaves for work and he just goes into her room and finds it and plugs it right back in...which is completely disrespectful!!!
why doesn't she take the modem with her? 
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| Posted 6/28/07 1:33 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by LisaW
Posted by alnem
i talk to SIL about this problem everyday and she is literally at her whits end. she hides the modem before she leaves for work and he just goes into her room and finds it and plugs it right back in...which is completely disrespectful!!!
why doesn't she take the modem with her?
ooooohhh you're good. 
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| Posted 6/28/07 1:57 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by LisaW
Posted by alnem
i talk to SIL about this problem everyday and she is literally at her whits end. she hides the modem before she leaves for work and he just goes into her room and finds it and plugs it right back in...which is completely disrespectful!!!
why doesn't she take the modem with her?
ooooohhh you're good.
I learned from the best...my mom 
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| Posted 6/28/07 2:44 PM |
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luckyinlove
I love my baby girls!
Member since 12/06 2441 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
My brother is 16 and is similar in that he has no desire to get his permit (he will be 17 in 2 months) and does not want a job. He failed 2 subjects this year, which drives me nuts b/c I am a high school teacher, and he is a complete jerk to everyone. I feel your pain!
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| Posted 6/28/07 2:48 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
Posted by LisaW
Posted by alnem
i talk to SIL about this problem everyday and she is literally at her whits end. she hides the modem before she leaves for work and he just goes into her room and finds it and plugs it right back in...which is completely disrespectful!!!
why doesn't she take the modem with her?
you know i never even thought about that! i'll tell SIL to do that tomorrow!
he says its a conspiracy and that we all are being really mean to him by wanting him to get a job. i just dont understand kids these days.
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| Posted 6/28/07 3:37 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with a teenager. What do you do...
i agree with everyone else- its a cycle. if ILs keep giving in to his "fits", and keep giving him back the XBOX, then the whole thing is just going to continue. they need to stand up to him and show him they are serious- THEY are the adults! they should not be giving in to a 16 year old!
They just have to stand firm one time and he'll realize " hey, they mean business".
i also agree that maybe your DH could spend some time with him. maybe something else is going on emotonally. maybe he could take a day off, take him to lunch or a baseball game or something...
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| Posted 6/28/07 3:47 PM |
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