Question for the parents with school-age kids

DH & I started talking about kindergarten and the fact that DD is a December baby.

I said we should evaluate the decision to start her in private K the summer before she turns 5 - not now, as there are too many unknowns. He made a remark about how DD is so timid and buries her head in his shoulder whenever she enters someplace new, and how he thinks it is better for her to start K at age 5 going on 6.

But his remark about her being timid is getting to me a bit. People have remarked that she is "shy" when she doesn't say hello (to a stranger). I always jump in and say she is cautious because I don't want her labeled as shy. As a kid (and in part as an adult) I was scared of my own shadow. I don't want DD to be the shy, wallflower kid, with little to no friends.

What are some things you've done with your kids to encourage them to be social and "get over" shyness???

Re: Question for the parents with school-age kids

I really think its just a personality/maturity thing. My 6 year old was like that as well, and for that reason, we held him back a year. He is an October baby, and the cutoff for our district is Dec 1. Instead of him starting K when he was 4 turning 5, we waited till he was 5 turning 6, and that one year made a HUGE difference in his confidence. I really think that the extra year of PreK did the trick.

Re: Question for the parents with school-age kids

NoNo is shy under certain circumstances. I've never really tried to address or 'correct' it to be honest. With Noah - I can see that there are certain 'trigger' situations that cause him to withdraw and it is normally because he feels self conscious in the given situation - not confident of his abilities or whatever. The only thing I've done is continue to tell BOTH of my children that they are spectacular, unique, well loved and perfect in who they are. Robbie's personality is such that he takes these words at face value and is generally extremely confident. Noah needs a little more reassurance and sometimes examples of just how great he is. The more confident he becomes - the less shy he is! If you ask him to sing the ABC's - he'll do it for you loudly, proudly and even throw in a few runs! If you ask him to count backwards from 20 he'll do it a little more softly. If you ask him to count backward from 100 - he'll turn red, stammer and possibly cover his face. So we figure out where he's uncomfortable and work on it to build him up!

ETA: I don't know your daughter - but if I had the opportunity to hold Noah back for a year I would have done it. He had just turned 5 and there was a WORLD of difference between him and the children that were born just a few months before him with relevance to maturity and confidence. The gap is closing a LITTLE bit now in 1st grade and I hope by 3rd grade it will be all but gone.. but it was super apparent in kindergarten.

Message edited 1/26/2010 2:36:03 PM.

Re: Question for the parents with school-age kids

DS is shy in certain settings, and I guess it bothered me a little initially also, because I do remember struggling with it as a child. When he was a little younger, he would do the head burying thing anytime we were around other children/parents, but now he only gets clingy when we are with a large group of children (and he doesn't know them).

I let him hold me for awhile and let him adjust to the setting. If there is a child he knows nearby, or a toy I think he would like to play with, I'll point it out and see if he'll go to it on his own (often he does). If he wants me to come with him or needs encouraging, I go with him. I don't force him to do things though or push too hard--if he needs more time he gets more time.

I do not think you can or should make a child not shy, but I guess it helps to help them through the anxiety and to bring them into situations that are reasonable for them to handle. I think it's also important for them to not sense that you are disappointed or concerned about this trait, or to see it as something to be ashamed of. It is a personality trait like any other, though I agree life is often easier if you are more outgoing.

As for school, if you think she is ready on other levels, I don't think shyness should hold her back another year. If anything, it might help her to be in a school setting. Is she in preschool yet or have you tried a separation program? How did she do with that?

DS is also a December baby and we are probably keeping DS out of a regular school setting until it's time for him to attend the public school Kindergarten. His verbal skills are behind, and DH also keeps saying it will be better for him to not be the smallest boy in class (DH was a November baby so he was the littlest most of the time). I agree with a PP, kids I know who are born in the summer months are way ahead of him on some things--I do have to remind myself not to compare him with them. And I have noticed he seems happier and more confident with kids who are his age or younger.

Message edited 1/26/2010 2:57:39 PM.