Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

I'm probably just going through typical going back to work self doubt. I know in a perfect world with no student loan debt, mortgages and car payments, I'd love to just spend all my days with my kids. However, then there IS reality and even despite the debts, I want to put a good amount away for my kids so that when they want to go to college or make another investment, they won't have to do things the way DH and I did. Regardless, I'm debating some childcare options and want to get some thoughts.

DD#1 (18m) got very sick - high fever and bad cough. She is 50% vaccinated against both flu's, however, the doctor did the test anyway and it was indeed negative. She has a mild ear infection and is on anti-biotic, nebulizer and motrin/tylenol for the fever. Well, during the course of the doctor visit, I got an earful from this doctor about daycare. I've heard her negative thoughts on it before, and since I only really see one of the other (more open minded) doctor's in the practice of 4 docs - I usually request the doctor I prefer. Because of the holiday there was no choice today. This doctor feels everyone should just stay home until the this flu stuff passes. I personally feel, that while it's wise in my opinion to take precautions, locking the kids up in the house for a few months is kind of rediculous. However, I am so worried about my 18m old that it's making me second guess myself. The doctor today even told me not to even let my 2 kids be in the same room! Then pours out the guilt lecture and tells me how "our parent's generation did it". Uhm... I'm not sure about her parents, but my parent's had me and my younger sister share a bedroom until we were 8 and 4! If I was sick too bad! We were never separated. My 3 bedroom ranch is way too small to keep the kids separated all day for A WEEK. Oh yes, she said to keep them away from eachother for a week. They should not be in the same room at any time. Okay... whatever!

We recently decided to terminate what was a temporary daycare in someone's house. I'm not really into that and prefer classrooms with age appropriate activities and for my 4m old to be with other infants not older kids and there was an after school program and I felt the woman who ran it let the school kids "help" too much with the babies. I just was not comfortable with what they were allowed to "help" with. Anyway....

We got a spot in a nearby Tutor Time. I've used TT in the past, but my previous location has no openings. This one that we are now considering has even more great things for the kids and is much bigger. Despite some ear infections and such I really felt my 18m old thrived in the previous Tutor Time. She's not a home-body at all and is the type that is easier to drop off than for us to leave. When we drop her off at daycare she runs off an plays... if DH or I leave her from the house - she freaks out, even if it's to run a quick errand. Anyway, we were all ready to start them next week...

I also ran an add on care.com. I had the "perfect" candidate but she ended up taking another position for more money and closer to her home. I interviewed another girl willing to take the salary I am offering - which is actually about $100 a week less than daycare. She was VERY nice and my 18m old really took to her. She helped with my 18m old's dinner and even cleaned up the food that fell off the high chair. She had some "okay" ideas of things to do with the girls - mostly with my older one, but I figured I could find some things and just ask her to do them, such as painting and crafts and such. The thing that made me question whether she would work out is that at the end, she said goodbye to the girls and when she said bye to the 4m old she said "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to play with you". It dawned on me that my 18m old really steals the show and at daycare, my 18 month old was never not interacted with despite the fact there were about 6 babies there. I would have preferred to have seen more of a balance, even though my 4 month old may not require "as much" attention, she does interact... a sitter can show her toys or tickle her belly (she'll giggle if her belly is tickled) or just talk to her, etc. Truth be told - I had no idea what to even ask this girl. My older DD definitely was a distraction during the interview. I realized after that I need to come up with specific questions to determine competencies for both kids, such as what can the person do to intellectually stimulate a toddler and what do they know about potty training, but also does the person understand the needs of an infant, such as tummy time and such.

Then there's the fact my house is TINY. In fact, there was another girl who wanted to work for us, she had daycare experience but has a baby of her own. I was not opposed to her bringing the baby, but once that baby starts crawling and my little one starts moving around, it's going to be 3's a crowd for sure. Not even to mention where would her baby nap? What if her baby gets sick, etc.? This may be wrong of me, but the girl's boyfriend (baby's father) is very insecure - which the girl admitted to me, not a conclusion I drew. The issue is, there will be times this girl will be alone with the kids and my husband will be in the house (in his office) and I could be out or even on a business trip for a few days. I just smelled drama that I don't want to get into... I mean, will he become jealous? The BF sat outside my house in his car the one time she did sit my kids. Just kind of odd.

So in a nutshell... is anyone reconsidering daycare for a live out nanny/babysitter for the sake of fewer colds, ear infections or concern over the flu? What types of questions do you ask a potential sitter? I just don't feel "qualified" to hire someone for something so important. I did hire a housekeeper once from care.com - she nearly broke my dryer and she stole some items from my home. I'm afraid of who I could potentially let into my house to tend to my kids - who I care much more about than a dryer.

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

DD goes to daycare 2 times a week and I have not considered pulling her put at all due to flu season. I hope she doesn't get it, but I can't keep her in bubble either.

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

Posted by Tine73

DD goes to daycare 2 times a week and I have not considered pulling her put at all due to flu season. I hope she doesn't get it, but I can't keep her in bubble either.

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

Sounds like you have a lot on your mind. This is such a personal choice. You will likely get many different responses depending whom you ask. I'm not one for daycare facilities and recently left my corporate job and became a SAHM. I feel completely blessed to be able to do this because I get to enjoy my children and considering how the economy is these days. Daycare places are great as they provide kids with structure and interaction with other kids, which is great for socialization and their development. But they also have the downside of children getting more sick. But then and there, your children can really get sick from anywhere; it's just that at some places the risks are just a bit higher. If you search online, you can find the questions you can ask those potential babysitters and always trust your intuition....it's never wrong. That babysitter whom boyfriend stayed outside waiting for her....that may seem like drama so you may want to steer clear by what you are describing. Also, the other babysitter that will bring her child to your home....not a good idea.
It's a very though choice but one that all parents face sooner or later. You have to do what's right for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck in deciding what's best for you and your loved ones.

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

Posted by MrsFresca

Sounds like you have a lot on your mind. This is such a personal choice. You will likely get many different responses depending whom you ask. I'm not one for daycare facilities and recently left my corporate job and became a SAHM. I feel completely blessed to be able to do this because I get to enjoy my children and considering how the economy is these days. Daycare places are great as they provide kids with structure and interaction with other kids, which is great for socialization and their development. But they also have the downside of children getting more sick. But then and there, your children can really get sick from anywhere; it's just that at some places the risks are just a bit higher. If you search online, you can find the questions you can ask those potential babysitters and always trust your intuition....it's never wrong. That babysitter whom boyfriend stayed outside waiting for her....that may seem like drama so you may want to steer clear by what you are describing. Also, the other babysitter that will bring her child to your home....not a good idea.
It's a very though choice but one that all parents face sooner or later. You have to do what's right for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck in deciding what's best for you and your loved ones.

Message edited 11/26/2009 9:56:57 PM.

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

Posted by clwp
I hear you. I was set to stay home after I got laid off in June and had my DD#2 in July. I was not looking for a job, but a job found me. I do get to work from home and have a very flexible schedule, I'd only leave the house for set appointments a few times a week for a few hours if that much and once a year a national meeting for 3 days. I'm in training now so there's a little more involved, but it's very temporary. Hence, another reason I was considering getting someone to come to the house, since there may be days I won't have to really leave the house myself and DH works for the same company ultimately (different division) so he's in the same boat... working from home most of the time. However, with DD#1 becoming more agile (climbing all over furniture and such) and bored at home, I really go back and forth. So hard. It's not like I have family that could help out... that would be ideal. The new daycare even has an indoor playground for rainy days. Maybe in my next house I can set that up - LOL Oh, and we are planning on moving next summer... another potential issue with hiring a sitter... may be hard to find someone willing to travel further once we move. Fun decision I have to make...

Re: Question for working mom's with young babies especially the 2 under 2 scenerio - long

Posted by clwp

Posted by Tine73

DD goes to daycare 2 times a week and I have not considered pulling her put at all due to flu season. I hope she doesn't get it, but I can't keep her in bubble either.

ITA. The doctor just made me worry even more about my 4m old. I'm not sure why I'm so freaked out though... my 18m old was 13 weeks old when she started daycare... I guess there just wasn't as much "hype" and also she started in the summer... whereas, we are at the end of fall for my 4m old.