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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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SAHM that used to work - money related
SAHMs - if you used to work and are accustomed to having your own income, what was it like when you stopped working in terms of spending money?
I worked my whole life since I was 13 and even to this day DH and I have our own bank accounts (though they are technically in both our names)
I've never asked anyone for money in my life and never discuss how I spend money with DH. I feel like I spend within reason, so it's unnecessary.
How did you adjust? How is spending money allocated in your household now?
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Posted 6/11/09 9:43 AM  |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
I don't go crazy on anything. I shop for us all. There are weeks like last ( i was in key west for a wedding) I spent way more then I would on a normal week. It balances out. It was very hard at first, but you get a routine nd go with it. We are saving like mad now (for a downpayment) so its def been harder but never "no you cant have/buy that".
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| Posted 6/11/09 9:47 AM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
I worked full time when i turned 18. then i went to beauty school and worked full time. i was always very independent!! when i had my two kids i had to stay home. at the beginning it wasn't too bad, but it was horrible. I would have to ask my DH for money all the time. He would ask well what do you need it for and i would have to go down the list of what i was spending that day. That drove me nuts and i resented him for it. Men just don't understand. The money just goes and I can't sit there and explain everything I'm going to spend the money on. I eventually had to go back to work because I felt sooooooo controlled with money. I couldn't deal anymore. I went back to work when the kids got a little older and I am soooo glad i did!!! I have my own money and now he asks me for money!!! The tables have turned!!!! I don't mean to scare you but this was just my situation. Hope it all works out for ya!!
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| Posted 6/11/09 9:49 AM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
In our house I am in charge of the money even though I don't really make any. We budget spending money for the month and then each spend accordingly. Being home I don't really use money on a regular basis like I did when I was working, buying lunch or snacks. But if I need/want something I buy it.
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| Posted 6/11/09 9:51 AM |
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
i handle the finances as far as planning goes, DH is responsible for paying the bills on time.
i kept my own account, but we basically do everything from our joint. i have 3 credit cards that i use (important to keep my credit score up) - one is DH's and i use for all household related items, the other 2 i use for clothing, gifts, etc. we pay all off every month.
it's really been no big deal as DH and i are pretty much on the same page now. we don't question each others little expenses (unless they start to get out of hand, which they have on occasion), but do consult the other prior to doing anything out of the ordinary over $100.
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| Posted 6/11/09 9:53 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by Metsmomma
I worked full time when i turned 18. then i went to beauty school and worked full time. i was always very independent!! when i had my two kids i had to stay home. at the beginning it wasn't too bad, but it was horrible. I would have to ask my DH for money all the time. He would ask well what do you need it for and i would have to go down the list of what i was spending that day. That drove me nuts and i resented him for it. Men just don't understand. The money just goes and I can't sit there and explain everything I'm going to spend the money on. I eventually had to go back to work because I felt sooooooo controlled with money. I couldn't deal anymore. I went back to work when the kids got a little older and I am soooo glad i did!!! I have my own money and now he asks me for money!!! The tables have turned!!!! I don't mean to scare you but this was just my situation. Hope it all works out for ya!!
That's my concern. I definitely spend much more lavishly than my DH, he is more of the miserly type, but at this point in our careers, I make more money so it has never been an issue. Now the idea of me being a SAHM is being thrown around and the whole having to account for how I spend money is just something I am not used to. Especially since I know DH is much stricter on what is a "necessity" and I hate the idea of having to account for every penny I spend.
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| Posted 6/11/09 9:55 AM |
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by jambalady
That's my concern. I definitely spend much more lavishly than my DH, he is more of the miserly type, but at this point in our careers, I make more money so it has never been an issue. Now the idea of me being a SAHM is being thrown around and the whole having to account for how I spend money is just something I am not used to. Especially since I know DH is much stricter on what is a "necessity" and I hate the idea of having to account for every penny I spend.
a way to get around that is to set a budget of X on your credit card for certain items with the understanding that some months it will be a little more, some less, but within reason. i typically spend about $500 on one of my credit cards for clothing/gifts/random things and i pretty much stick to that, no questions are really asked. if it jumps to $1000 there is a reason that has previously been discussed with DH. it's all about the communication and setting expectations right off the bat...
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:01 AM |
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lakadema
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1180 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
DH and I never had separate bank accounts from one another once we were married so I don't have to ask hiim for $. I just go get it and he does not question what I spend money on. I never understood that whole "asking my DH for $" thing.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:01 AM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
I have always been a little more frugal and will not generally buy for myself, especially when the money is better spent on the children (not saying this in a judging way at all!  ). DH, on the other hand, will buy something for $100 just because it used to be $200  .
When I worked, I worked for a major Financial Services firm (DH is in the industry as well). It was VERY difficult for both of us to adjust to one income, when we were previously used to living the lavish life. We think about purchases before making them and have turned down buying something that in the past we have just bought without thinking.
I never had, and never will, ask for "permission" to buy or do something but we will discuss any major purchases. That hasn't changed though since even wile I was working, I would have discussed it with DH anyway.
Like anything, it is an adjustment to living with one income but one that is so worth being home with the children .
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:02 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
DH and I have had one pot of money since we got engaged. For the most part we dont ask each other what we can and can't buy...we know what our bills are and how much spending money we have each month. Major purchases like a car or expensive TV we discuss but did the same even when I was working.
I always get confused by these posts...there was one a few days ago. I guess everyone's arrangement is different...but I can't imagine having to ask DH for money. He would never expect me to and I definetely don't. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. He works to provide for his family so that I can SAH with our children which is what we discussed before we were even married.
ETA: DH is the one who works and I pay the bills and handle the budget. So technically, he asks me for money and how much he can spend 
Message edited 6/11/2009 10:08:49 AM.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:03 AM |
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iwed2005
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1389 total posts
Name:
Julie
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by JandJ1224
In our house I am in charge of the money even though I don't really make any. We budget spending money for the month and then each spend accordingly. Being home I don't really use money on a regular basis like I did when I was working, buying lunch or snacks. But if I need/want something I buy it.
ditto. i never really spend my "own" or "his" when i was working so it wasn't a big adjustment for me. Like many will say it is a matter of distinguising need versus wants, once that is established everything else is easy..with regards to money.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:04 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
I used to work (and make a ton of money) I just take out money as I need it. My DH has never questioned anything I do, or have bought. If anything, I am stricter with him then he is with me.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:05 AM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by lakadema
DH and I never had separate bank accounts from one another once we were married so I don't have to ask hiim for $. I just go get it and he does not question what I spend money on. I never understood that whole "asking my DH for $" thing.
well when you are on a budget and he was the only one working. i did have to ask for money. but now the tables have turned and i pay the bills and he has to ask for money!!!!
when you are on a tight budget you have to let the other one know what you are spending money on and sometimes you do have to ask!!
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:05 AM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by jellybean1420
DH and I have had one pot of money since we got engaged. For the most part we dont ask each other what we can and can't buy...we know what our bills are and how much spending money we have each month. Major purchases like a car or expensive TV we discuss but did the same even when I was working.
I always get confused by these posts...there was one a few days ago. I guess everyone's arrangement is different...but I can't imagine having to ask DH for money. He would never expect me to and I definetely don't. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. He works to provide for his family so that I can SAH with our children which is what we discussed before we were even married.
like i said everyone is different!! that's great that you never had to ask to spend money. but not everyone has that option. we weren't in a position to have a choice to sah. i don't think anyone has the right to judge people's money situations. not everyone makes the same amount of money so everyone has different things going on!!!!
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:09 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by jellybean1420
DH and I have had one pot of money since we got engaged. For the most part we dont ask each other what we can and can't buy...we know what our bills are and how much spending money we have each month. Major purchases like a car or expensive TV we discuss but did the same even when I was working.
I always get confused by these posts...there was one a few days ago. I guess everyone's arrangement is different...but I can't imagine having to ask DH for money. He would never expect me to and I definetely don't. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. He works to provide for his family so that I can SAH with our children which is what we discussed before we were even married.
ETA: DH is the one who works and I pay the bills and handle the budget. So technically, he asks me for money and how much he can spend
Same here. We have a pool of money, and within reason, it doesn't matter who puts money in, and who takes it out. We discuss large items of course, but even when DW tells me about how much she spent on food, or shopping, I tell her it doesn't matter. She's in charge of the daily budgets, so if she thinks we can afford it, she doesn't need to tell me every little thing she buys.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:21 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
See I think the problem is that even when we got married, we each kept separate accounts (though in our joint names) and divided expenses, set a savings plan, and then anything "extra" we each earned individually was mine to do as I please, and his to do as he pleases.
Since we both make decent salaries, it was never an issue of whether we could afford something (not saying that in an obnoxious way, just that neither of us have lavish spending habits to begin with), so if I wanted a $500 handbag and I had the money, I would buy it.
DH would never go for that if it was "his" money, even if it was "extra".
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:22 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by Metsmomma
Posted by lakadema
DH and I never had separate bank accounts from one another once we were married so I don't have to ask hiim for $. I just go get it and he does not question what I spend money on. I never understood that whole "asking my DH for $" thing.
well when you are on a budget and he was the only one working. i did have to ask for money. but now the tables have turned and i pay the bills and he has to ask for money!!!!
when you are on a tight budget you have to let the other one know what you are spending money on and sometimes you do have to ask!!
I'm not a SAHM, but I think there is a difference between asking and discussing.
SAHM or not, I would never ask DH if I could by XXX. I would tell DH I thought we should discuss purchasing XXX and we would discuss.
Even as a Working Mom, we have a budget, if either of us wants to make purchases that would impact the budget, we discuss.
Also, I have access to all of our bank accounts and I have credit cards. I would insist on the same arrangement if I was a SAHM. I cannot fathom the idea of someone controlling me through money. If I were ever to SAH, I would view my DH's money as our money-it's a partnership.
To the OP-I think you need to discuss this stuff with your DH before you make the leap so that you don't end up feeling put out. Come up with a budget and an agreement on what you both think is reasonable spending and talk about how you would handle big purchases or disagreements on spending.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:23 AM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Metsmomma
Posted by lakadema
DH and I never had separate bank accounts from one another once we were married so I don't have to ask hiim for $. I just go get it and he does not question what I spend money on. I never understood that whole "asking my DH for $" thing.
well when you are on a budget and he was the only one working. i did have to ask for money. but now the tables have turned and i pay the bills and he has to ask for money!!!!
when you are on a tight budget you have to let the other one know what you are spending money on and sometimes you do have to ask!!
I'm not a SAHM, but I think there is a difference between asking and discussing.
SAHM or not, I would never ask DH if I could by XXX. I would tell DH I thought we should discuss purchasing XXX and we would discuss.
Even as a Working Mom, we have a budget, if either of us wants to make purchases that would impact the budget, we discuss.
Also, I have access to all of our bank accounts and I have credit cards. I would insist on the same arrangement if I was a SAHM. I cannot fathom the idea of someone controlling me through money. If I were ever to SAH, I would view my DH's money as our money-it's a partnership.
To the OP-I think you need to discuss this stuff with your DH before you make the leap so that you don't end up feeling put out. Come up with a budget and an agreement on what you both think is reasonable spending and talk about how you would handle big purchases or disagreements on spending.
like i said every situation is different and i guess everyone has a right to tell me that My DH was horrible that i had to ask for money!!!!! we did not have a expendable salary that we could just take whatever out of whenever possible!!!!
lucky for me i went back to work that i don't have to be controlled anymore!
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:27 AM |
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by Metsmomma
when you are on a tight budget you have to let the other one know what you are spending money on and sometimes you do have to ask!!
it's not really asking if ahead of time you and DH have agreed on a set of expectations, it's merely a "checking in" on what the other has spent in order for bills to be paid at the end of the month. start viewing it as a joint effort, not one "asking" the other, and i think you'll feel a lot better about it 
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:28 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
I think that both individuals have to come in with the same set of expectations for it to work.
Setting a budget of "expendable income" every month only works if:
1 - there is expendable income to begin with
2 - what each person defines as a necessity versus a want.
My fear is that my DH thinks everything outside of food, minimal clothing, and household expenses is a "want", while I think it is ok to take DS out for ice cream or pizza every once in a while instead of sandwiches at home.
I would love to think that DH will be okay with say a $500 "cushion" as a previous poster mentioned every month, but I just have this fear that with our financial mindsets, he may say that he is okay with it, but when push comes to shove, it will end up something we bicker about all the time.
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:41 AM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: SAHM that used to work - money related
Posted by jambalady
I think that both individuals have to come in with the same set of expectations for it to work.
Setting a budget of "expendable income" every month only works if:
1 - there is expendable income to begin with
2 - what each person defines as a necessity versus a want.
My fear is that my DH thinks everything outside of food, minimal clothing, and household expenses is a "want", while I think it is ok to take DS out for ice cream or pizza every once in a while instead of sandwiches at home.
I would love to think that DH will be okay with say a $500 "cushion" as a previous poster mentioned every month, but I just have this fear that with our financial mindsets, he may say that he is okay with it, but when push comes to shove, it will end up something we bicker about all the time.
KUDOS!!!!!!!
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| Posted 6/11/09 10:43 AM |
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