SAHM with tight budgets

How do you do it? Today officially marks my last work free week with DD. I start work on Monday and I'm absolutely heartbroken I have been without a paycheck for 3 months and things have been really tight. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy that I got to spend almost 5 months with DD but it's still very hard.

Part of me feels like just quitting and staying home with DD. We tried for so long and hard to have her and it breaks my heart to have to go back to work and leave her with someone else. But honestly I have a great job with great benefits and pay and I'm reluctant to give that up. My job paid for my IVF in full...obviously a big plus and we do want to have more kids...obviously we are praying the next baby will be natural but what if it's not? If I quit there is no way DH and I could afford IVF on our own not to mention extras like vacation etc.

DH will be getting a raise in the summer and when he finishes school in 2 years his pay will jump up considerably. However his job benefits s u c k and he has no 401K.

Right now my sis and I are toying with the idea of her quitting her job (which she hates) and me paying her to stay home with DD, and she can also pick up her son from school and she can go back and finish school. This does make me feel better because my sis looooooooooves DD to pieces and I know she would take good care of her. But I still feel like I'm cheating myself and DD KWIM?

Secretly I'm hoping some long lost uncle will leave me $$$ between here and Sunday so I can quit my job

But seriously how do you do it? I already use coupons, shop on sales etc. It's just so damn hard. We live in the city and my apartment is paid in full which is a plus but our maintenance has gone up. DH thought about giving up our car which honestly in the city can be more of a PITA then it's worth. That would free up $700 (between car payment,insurance, gas, etc) but then how would I get to LI every weekend to see my Mom. We are also so used to having a car and just getting up and going wherever. OY why does it have to be so hard. What happened to the good ole days.

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

Would working part time be an option? I dont stay home, but the way I think of it for now is I am doing what is best for my family for the moment. I also know that DS loves me but doesnt know that I am gone all day. I would rather be there later when he can say, I want mommy, or why isnt MY mommy here? Maybe think of it as a temporary thing, if in 2 years you get pregnant again and the your DHs salary goes up maybe you can be home then.

Sorry I know how hard it is. I love my work and get great benefits as well but its never EASY to be away from your child.

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

I am a coupon cutter, shop on sales. When we go to dinner it's some place like Applebee's where the prices are reasonable. I also recycle all soda cans that are in the house to help that knock off money at the register in the grocery store.
As of last month, I also started babysitting.
Maybe you can look into that as well?
I didn't go back to work, because, I worked for day care. Basically, I would have been working to put DS in day care. My salary and the tuition almost even out (sad right?).
Thankfully, DH has a good job, and great benefits. We never really ever took the benefits from my job.
Maybe you can work PT? I don't know how that would affect your benefits though.


Good Luck

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

Can you take the train to see your mom?

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

I work one day a week, when my DH is off and he takes over watching the kids. It's not a lot, but I do make very good money, so even one day at work really helps to cover my son's preschool tuition for the month or buys us groceries for the month. And if I can work that 1 day a week just 50% of the time, it really helps (work doesn't always have work for me, so it's not every week, but pretty consistent).

The other thing that helped us is that we have no debt. So our payments each month are things like mortgage, gas and electric, phone, food, etc. We are lucky that we don't have car-related expenses due to DH's job (in your case, that's $700 a month we don't pay, or even more since we have 2 cars!).

We have a ton of work we want to do on our house, but we tackle one thing at a time when we've saved up enough. It's been a long process but I take that over going back to work. I shop sales and cut coupons. I don't get expensive haircuts or treatments, I dont get manicures (only pedicures!) and I am not high maintenance at all. I spend more money on my kids clothes than mine.

Message edited 4/4/2008 12:50:47 PM.

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

Honestly I dont know how we do it sometimes..

Things are really tight...

We're fortunate that DH has good benefits and that his job (knock on wood) is secure.

We have cut back a lot...we did no cell phones for a year!!!! Yep a year!!!! Took away premium cable channels (we missed them at first but now dont even notice) I shop the front and back page specials on the supermarkets (Im fortunate that Im close to all and Im not wasting gas getting to all of them) Consolidated errands to save on gas. Started hanging up more clothes to save on electric bills (have you ever seen how much power the dryer uses?? My lordy how fast that thing spins when the dryer is on!!) Raised my deductible on my Homeowners insurance to save on costs...did the same on my car insurance..(only do this if you can afford to pay should something happen..we weighef pros and cons first)...

I have tons more...

I changed careers a year before getting pregnant with DS so all in all there wouldnt of been much salary left if I put him in full time daycare. For the little bit of extra $$ I'd make we chose to cut corners instead...Additionally I could easily go back to work in 4 years without losing income..I'd be entry level again anyway...

You just need to decide what is best for your family...

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

Please no flames for this....but to ME the thought of putting my child in daycare didn't sit well. I did not want to do it, was dead set against it for my own personal reasons. It was important to me that I stay home with DS and in the end it was the best thing anyway b/c he needed therapy a few times a week and me being home allowed for that.

We rent our apartment, have one car, I work from home (I NEEDED to work to be able to stay home so I found a job), we don't go out much at all, we clip coupons, keep the heat down etc....

It is hard but worth it.

I think if anyone is distraught over going back to work they should think seriously about things to do to stay home and make it work. I say this because once the time has passed there is no going back.

I think finding a balance..working PT to ne able to do it is ideal...

And for those who love working and need to be out of the home, I think that is great for them..not everyone wants to be a SAHM and I think its best for each person to do what suits them! Your child will be fine regardless, we are all really caring mothers on here! No decision is ever easy or taken lightly! Good luck to you!!!

Re: SAHM with tight budgets

geez....for us...we gave up ALOT. WE also don't live up north. The cost of living down here is alot less which is why we chose to leave NY. Daycare was NOT an option for us EVER. It's just what we wanted as parents.

We took one car off the road and DH rides a motorcycle to work (a whopping 8 miles down the road). It's saving us on gas and insurance! I do not really go out much with the kids in the TAhoe because of gas and nap schedules. Sometimes we go out with grandma or we save the going out for when DH is off and we do family stuff like a local playground.

We shop sales with coupons. I'm constantly looking for deals. Most of my kids clothes are hand me downs, bought at 2nd hand stores, or my grandma buys them.

We do have Grandma living here, so she helps with some of the bills and buys alot of our meats, so that helps a ton.

I have not bought a stitch of new clothes unless it was with a gift card. Same for DH....and he wears company gear for work so that is free. Since we don't go out, no need to have nice or newer clothes. When we do go out, it's to the chain restaurants and we ALWAYS take half our food home if it was good. If we do pizza, we have a coupon or we do the early week special from Papa Johns (DH gets 50% off there since their store is right next to his).

DH Works on commission....the harder he works, the more he gets paid. So he works his butt off and it's working well for us.

I get the biggest high from getting deals....B1G1 and then I use 2 coupons....BAM. I'm paying peanuts for stuff. DH gets his cell phone for free and mine gets 1000 free minutes. I think my bill is like less than $3 a month.

WE also sell on Ebay....toys they never really played with, we swap clothes with others, alot of DH video game stuff, gifts we will never use from the MIL, name brand stuff I find at Goodwill. DH is also about to start umpiring on the side...cash money. On the rare occassion, I do something for myself....I got a pedi last week because DH insisted.

Our greatest pleasure is just being together with the kids....playing outside, doing crafts, and because we do stay home often, we still have DirectTV. We get a WWE PPV once in awhile.

It's all a matter of doing what makes you happy and what is best for your family. The sacrifices we are making now will only benefit us in the future. Yea, I get bored and frustrated at times....but at some point my kids won't want to spend every moment with me and I'll have my time.

Message edited 4/4/2008 1:14:18 PM.

Re: SAHM with tight budgets