Shopping for baby with MIL

Am I a terrible person? DH keeps telling me it would be a nice gesture if I asked his mother to go registry shopping with me, either with or without my own mother, but I just don't want to! We don't see eye to eye on anything, and just the thought of it stresses me out. Anyhow if shopping with one's MIL was common practice I'd suck it up and ask, but I really don't think it is (unless you've got a good relationship) and I don't think my not asking is in any way disrespectful. DH however thinks I'm being cold hearted. This is her first grandchild, she doesn't have any daughters, she is very excited, etc. Thoughts?

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

Well, I guess it depends on your relationship with your mil. If I was going shopping with anyone, first it would be my dh and then my mother.

Maybe you could ask her to look at your registry (after the registry is done) and see if there is anything she would add. This way she is contributing without going to the store with you.

Dh is forcing his mom on you huh?

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I only registered with my DH. I would have gone with my mother if needed but that's it. I would not have gone with MIL because I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. Not that close. You have to do what feels right to you. Registering is stressful enough without having to deal with someone else's opinion.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I think it might create more stress if you don't have the same taste or opinions. From MIL's perspective, if I was asked to go shopping and the person didn't like ANY of my ideas, I probably would get frustrated and irritated. Ditto if I went to look at the registry and everything was changed.

Maybe ask her what some of her must-have items are and then you can pick which style/brand/color you want so it seems like you want her input?

Are you doing any craft projects? Maybe you could include her on one/some of those? Or put together a book for her with a sono photo and space for additional photos. Something special to make her feel included.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

If you are uncomfortable I would tell him it should be a group trip!!! You, your DH, your mom and his mom!!!

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I don't know what your situation is, but I try to put myself in your shoes. MIL and I can barely communicate in same language and even then its clear we see eye to eye on nothing.

If this were me, with my MIL, I would go shopping with her. I do think its a painless nice gesture. I wouldn't do registry shopping, but maybe ask her to come with you to look at cribs or something. Something benign.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I took my MIL and mom registry shopping with me after I completed my registry. We also looked at baby furniture (my mom, my dad, MIL, FIL and DH) on that trip they (MIL/FIL) offered to split the cost of the furniture with my parents. MIL and FIL only have sons, and DS is the first grand child for all grandparents. I put myself into my in-laws shoes, they have no daughters so they would never get this experience otherwise. I know it meant a lot to them. We get along though...

ETA: My mom, grandma, MIL and I also did a baby layette shopping trip where they purchased lots of clothing for the baby. We went to lunch and shopping. While they let me have final say on the clothing and there were some things I did not love, I figured that it made them happy. My DC got beautiful clothing and over all it was fun.

Message edited 9/8/2009 9:53:56 PM.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I did my registry with my DH....i didn't want either of or mom's with us. they would probably stress me out. But i took my mom with me to BBB and BRU after i registered to add things and show her the things we registered for. I would do the same with my MIL but I always go to the stores after work and she gets anxiety driving in Long Island....she's strictly a Queens/NYC lady.

I would invite your MIL AFTER you already registered to take a look and add some things here and there....thats probably not so bad and it will make your DH happy.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I don't think it's bad if you don't ask her. My DH is an only child and I have not asked for my MIL's opinion on anything. We are very very different people and we do not see eye to eye. I asked my mom to look over my registry and didn't even think to ask his b/c I don't have that kind of relationship with her.

Totally off subject but I have similar situation with my MIL. When it came down to buying the furniture my parents and uncle offered before we even registered. MIL was a little upset but I can't control that. I'm couldn't refuse my family's offer b/c she wanted to buy something too. So she bought us our glider. I try to find common ground but she is very different and we will never have that relationship. It bothers me sometimes but I can't control it. DH understands this and would never pressure me into asking for her opinion.

I say don't feel bad. I do like the idea of a picture frame for sonogram.....

HTH! GL

ETA: I actually asked my SIL more questions about registering b/c things have changed so much since my mom had me. They have so much more now than 29 years ago so you really need help determining what you need and what you don't.

Message edited 9/9/2009 8:18:26 PM.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I am withyou I dont really get along with my MIL. I wouldnt ask her to go shopping with me either.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

My sister and I did my registry together. I have a good relationship with my mother and my mil but didn't see the need to bring either. My sister was a mommy of 2 lo's at the time and I figured she would be the most helpful. My dh is an only child and his mom was very interested in the whole pregnancy and was good about not overstepping (until the end but that's another story).

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I registered with DH and no one else. I can't say i have the best of relationships with my MIL and I feel you. She has two boys, no girls and this is the first grandchild. She just agrevates me or tries to push her opinion on me all the time. This is MY kid not hers and I will not let her try and manipulate it. DH never asked me to do anytning with her, Thank God, because I coudln't. Bad enough she came with the girls on my wedidng day...which i hated and she should have just showed up with her son...not me...but thats another story...lol.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I went with DH first, then my sister. I wouldn't bring MIL with me to register shop, I don't see the point...IMHO!

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

Posted by Stefanie
Maybe you could ask her to look at your registry (after the registry is done) and see if there is anything she would add. This way she is contributing without going to the store with you.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

I just went with DH.

Re: Shopping for baby with MIL

Okay are we married to the same man??? Your dh sounds exactly like mine!!!!!!!! I did not go to register with my mil ...we dont have a bad relationship but not a relationship that i want to go shopping with her..this is also her first grandchild and I simply told her i already registered with my sister and she is welcome to get anything she wants from the registry.. she is very opinated and it seems whatever i like she has a problem with it so i decided to keep her at home ...dont think you are being mean at all