Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I was having this "discussion" with my sister last night. She works in a consultancy firm and was talking about a married couple who work there who are both consultants and travel maybe 40 weeks a year - would be gone m-f.

The other weeks both of their work days usually go from 7-8/9 at night.

They have two kids and a live in nanny. They never make it to any of the kids school stuff etc. They see the kids on weekends but they are both so exhausted from travel and the long hours during the week that they dont have the energy or patience for them.

Their kids are 4 and 6.

Do you think they should have had these kids who they rarely see?

Thoughts?

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I personally wouldn't be that busy if I wanted kids, but that's me. I do believe that some people just want to be parents so they do it and sacrifice. It is a little sad that they are so busy that they can't make it to any of the school's functions or have energy to play on the weekends. Something has got to give.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I personally think that's awful.

It's one thing if you HAVE to work that much to survive and provide for your children, but it's another thing if you just don't want to give any of your time or yourself to be a parent.

What memories will their kids have of them?

DH and I both have a tendency to be workaholics, but when I go back to work I plan on being a very different kind of employee.

I'll kick a$$ when I'm there, but I'll also be leaving on time every night and not be pulling 60 hour weeks anymore.

Now if only I can convince DH of that.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

The travel part baffles me. Why would they want to be away from their children days at a time?

Otherwise, there are lots of people that I work with that have long hours and are still parents. They make it work. When they ARE home, they are working. It's a whole different lifestyle than I am used to, but who am I to judge. (NOT saying that you are judging).

If they are fine with it, then so be it.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

Their job requires them to travel so its not like they"want" to be away they have to be.

I agree with the "to each their own" but I do wonder why they had kids if they dont spend anytime with them.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

My cousins are like this. They don't travel, but do they work very long hours. up until recently, they worked 7 days a week. they have 2 live in nannies, 1 for each kid. the kids seem fine to me, still have great relationships with the parents.

I wouldn't do it, but it works for them.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

To each his own, but I don't see the point of having kids if your job is still your #1 priority.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

For me, I wouldn't have kids if I had & needed to keep a job with that much travel.

I don't know that they shouldn't have had kids because I'm not in their home, hearing them talk to their kids at night before bed or seeing the parents cry as they hang up the phone. Not being able to be home with your kids doesn't equate to not loving, carring or missing them. I do think something has to give though.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

It's all about balance, and finding a happy, middle ground, because working parents soon discover that you cannot give 100% to your job, and to your child at the same time.

So, yes, I think two "busy" parents can raise a child in a very loving, committed environment, as long as they make the choice to make certain compromises. Hubby and I are both very career oriented and ambitious, but we also chose more flexible positions once we had our daughter, so we can accomodate those interests, while also having a life.

If there's one thing I've learned in my short life, it's that your job is just that - a job - it shouldn't become your center in life. If you're spending 90% of your time away from the people you love the most, I think you'll run into problems.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

i agree that i think if/when you have kids... something has to give. i don't think you can have a high powered- travel centered job like that and still be a good parent. a normal 9-5 or 8-6 job- yes, but not one like they have that is so travel-centered.
Dh and i both grew up with parents always around ( his mom stays at home, and his dad is a pilot with weeks off in between flights ; and my parents own their own business with a pretty flexible schedule) so we want that for our kids as well. we don't have kids yet, but as a teacher, i see how much time and effort it takes to raise kids and "deal" with them, and i don't think you should have kids if you're not ready/willing for that kind of commitment.

Message edited 6/21/2007 12:08:20 PM.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I personally wouldn't have children if I had a job that required that I be away so much. 40 weeks? We're talking more than half a year here.

I understand that some of us need to work full time jobs to support our families, and If I had to do it to make ends meet I would but I would at least work at a job that required no traveling. That's just me though...

But to each his own...

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I traveled alot while I was preggo...and luckily, I haven't had to travel since DD was born. However...since I started my own consulting business...I have to go where the work is. Most of my clients allow me to work remotely. Currently...I have been with the same client since December, and they are 10 minutes away from my house, so I come here everyday. DH is a SAHD, so we don't have a nanny.

But...I've been trying to get other projects going, and most of them are far away and I will probably have to travel for 1 to 2 weeks at a time...but then I will be able to stay home for 1 to 2 weeks at a time with DD also. To me...you do what you have to do. I started this business because I wanted to have the flexibility of my work schedule that was not dependent on the company I was working for.

I certainly don't travel 40 weeks a year, and wouldn't want to, but if my next project requires me to travel for it, does that make me a bad mommy? I hope not

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

My dad travelled a lot for when we were kids. He would be gone one week a month from Thursday til Sunday for a position he was appointed to. And then he travelled 2-3 days a week for his regular job as well, still does and he turned 62 today.

That being said, he was and still is an amazing parent, he made the most of the time he was home with us.

It was harder on my mom, who was a teacher and also worked hard. Now she is retired and made him sign a contract that he won't travel as much

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

I think the point to be remembered here is that both parents in the original post were always working and traveling, so neither Mom nor Dad was ever home and the nannies were pretty much raising those kids.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?

no way...i feel bad for those kids.

Re: Should 2 Very Busy People have kids?