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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
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ugh! why do some people have kids??
ok... so i have a former friend " cathy"- she was my best friend in HS, roomate for most of college, she married one of my DHs best friends... BUT, she doesn't like my DH so things happened and now we're not friends anymore. BUT, we still hvae mutual friends so i hear about how shes doing from them.
anyway... her and her DH are having a baby- due in december. yesterday was her baby shower. one of our mutual friends went and said how miserable cathy was the whole time. it was a surprise, but this friend said she barely smiled at all the whole time. she also was saying how "unmaternal" cathy is already being- making comments like ' I'm NOTgetting up in the middle of the nigth with the baby" "i'm NOT breastfeeding", " i'm NOT doing this or that"...
and i'm just worried because cathy comes frmo a super catholic family, and i'n hoping she isn't having kids just because thats what you're "supposed" to do... it seems like she doesn't want this baby already! but, at least her DH is a great guy and is good with kids... but i just feel sad....
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Posted 10/16/06 9:24 AM  |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:31 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
I agree. Criticizing before the baby is even born is difficult. I always said I would never BF...Maybe I will change once I have a baby, maybe not, but I would hate to think that people were judging me because of that.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:33 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
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Dina
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
I completely agree. Also, don't knock someone until you have been pregnant. Each woman reacts physcially and emotionally to pregnancy differently.
Maybe she was bloated, uncomfortable and threw up in the car on the way to her shower and felt like cr@p? Like Rachel said, I don't know her, but I know when I was preggo I had days where I was miserable and I hope that no one judged me this harshly.
ETA: I breastfed for 3 months and had a very low supply, eventually my DD had to go on formula becasue she was not gaining weight. I took BFing classes and had a LC and still I had suppy issues.
Maybe she will not be able to breastfeed, maybe she does not want to, maybe she will change her mind once the baby is here. Please don't judge her until you have BTDT.
Message edited 10/16/2006 9:36:44 AM.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:34 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
I agree. Criticizing before the baby is even born is difficult. I always said I would never BF...Maybe I will change once I have a baby, maybe not, but I would hate to think that people were judging me because of that.
I agree. Some people just do not want to BF, it doesnt make them less maternal. Everyone shows maternal instincts in different ways or more or less.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:36 AM |
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LAMGAJ28
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Member since 10/05 6039 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
I couldn't agree more......
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:37 AM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
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K
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
I am sorry that your friend feels this way. I can see where the girls are coming from that sometimes your preggo hormones make you out of whack - but if she is saying these things "out loud" something is not right. We all get caught in bouts of depression, but if she is openly admitting the things she is NOT going to do, I think there is an underlying problem - and I am with you if you think there is reason for concern....
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:38 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, I understand that you are not friendly with this woman anymore and I am not defending her because I do not know her, but pregnancy can make you pretty miserable. Your hormones can throw you all out of whack and post partum depression can start DURING pregnancy. So I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want the baby, I'd just assume that pregnancy might not be agreeing with her right now.
I completely agree. My cousin was totally out of whack because of the hormones. Now she is such a great mommy and very loving. She loves her child to death. It is hard to be critical of someone who is pregnant.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:38 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by BabyCote2006
I am sorry that your friend feels this way. I can see where the girls are coming from that sometimes your preggo hormones make you out of whack - but if she is saying these things "out loud" something is not right. We all get caught in bouts of depression, but if she is openly admitting the things she is NOT going to do, I think there is an underlying problem - and I am with you if you think there is reason for concern....
You know what, maybe she's saying those things out load because she's asking for help. When I had post partum depression, I stated EVERY, SINGLE horrible thought I had. I wanted to kill myself some days and I told anyone who would listen because I knew it was vital to my well-being to get those thoughts out of my head. So yes, something may be wrong beyond her just being an uncomfortable prego, and I say more power to her if she's going as far as to voice her thoughts. Maybe someone will realize it if she needs helps. And maybe by not internalizing all of that, she will get through it.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:42 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
I agree with what everyone else said plus you are only going by word of mouth and you don't have a relationship with this girl anymore so maybe the person who told you exaggerated a bit. Once she has the baby her feeling will be different.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:56 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
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Me
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Honestly I could see myself saying that stuff. Sometimes when people say stuff to me like "You'll be getting up all night long..." blah, blah, blah, well, guess what? If I am working full time no way will I be doing all of the waking up at night. Fine if I am a SAHM but not if I am working full time.
Same thing with getting married...MIL was all "Oh, you'll be taking over washing his clothes, ironing his shirts, making dinner every night, hemming his pants..." no way. I work full time too, no reason why I should be doing all his sh!t for him.
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| Posted 10/16/06 9:58 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
I think you definitely ned to cut this girl some slack. You have no idea what she is/has been going through. And even once you have "been there, done that" you still can't really compare, because everyone's experience with pregnancy is different.
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| Posted 10/16/06 10:01 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
i guess you girls are right... its probably be the hormones and everything...
but i guess you also have to know her, too- even before she was pregnant she was always sort of "cold" and not a super friendly person... she is the one who i was in her wedding and paid almost $1000 with all that, and when i wanted to order a picture of the wedidng party frmo her photographer, she told me i had "no right' to their pictures, etc....
she is also one to not go against "the norm" and to be the "perfect" person... so i'm just worried that she may be doing this for the wrong reasons- because shes " supposed" to...
guess we'll see what happens when the baby gets here... 
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| Posted 10/16/06 10:01 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
I don't think that you have the right to question her reasoning for having kids just because she is making comments like this. You admittedly haven't spoken with her in awhile so you don't know what she's been going through in her life or in her pregnancy.
Saying those types of comments out loud while pregnant is usually a cry for help, attention, sympathy, what have you. She is projecting her fears and uncertainties about having a baby in this way.
Sounds like she is having a very emotional pregnancy, that's all. Also she can say up and down left and right everything that she will and won't do with or for the baby while she is pregnant and it means practically nothing... because when that little baby is born, everything changes.
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| Posted 10/16/06 10:04 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
It totally agree with what was said before. I was pretty miserable at my shower - someone said something REALLY mean and spiteful to me before hand and totally ruined the day for me.
And I think all parents have said things before we have kids that we live to regret. 
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| Posted 10/16/06 10:46 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Totally agree with the above posters.
Breastfeeding is a personal choice - some people aren't comfortable enough with their bodies to do it. Doesn't make you a bad mom if beforehand you decide not to do it.
When I was pregnant, I also used to say "No way, I'm not delivering this baby." when I saw how large a 10cm circle looked. We all say insane things towards the end of pregnancies when hormone levels & fears are at a high.
Message edited 10/16/2006 11:31:59 AM.
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| Posted 10/16/06 11:31 AM |
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unknown1
****
Member since 5/05 2771 total posts
Name:
lisa
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Re: ugh! why do some people have kids??
Posted by ml110
ok... so i have a former friend " cathy"- she was my best friend in HS, roomate for most of college, she married one of my DHs best friends... BUT, she doesn't like my DH so things happened and now we're not friends anymore. BUT, we still hvae mutual friends so i hear about how shes doing from them.
anyway... her and her DH are having a baby- due in december. yesterday was her baby shower. one of our mutual friends went and said how miserable cathy was the whole time. it was a surprise, but this friend said she barely smiled at all the whole time. she also was saying how "unmaternal" cathy is already being- making comments like ' I'm NOTgetting up in the middle of the nigth with the baby" "i'm NOT breastfeeding", " i'm NOT doing this or that"...
and i'm just worried because cathy comes frmo a super catholic family, and i'n hoping she isn't having kids just because thats what you're "supposed" to do... it seems like she doesn't want this baby already! but, at least her DH is a great guy and is good with kids... but i just feel sad....
Why do you feel sad ??? I agree with the other women .. who are you to question her maternal instinct? Just because she won't breast feed ..I am not going to either ,,,,, Am I a bad mom ??? I also will share the responsibilities of getting up in the middle of the night does that make me a bad mom.. oh lord I hope no one is listening when my baby is making me puke my guts up and I am cursing this pregnancy .. I don't mean it .. it just helps me .
Message edited 10/17/2006 10:24:26 AM.
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| Posted 10/17/06 10:20 AM |
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