Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

Dh and I were in the market for a new car since my lease is up soon. We were looking and looking for awhile and had narrowed it down to a few different ones, but today we decided on and bought a BMW.

My cousin died at an early age- 31- in a car accident. His friend was driving his new BMW, lost control and my cousin and another friend in the car died.

When I called my parents to tell them how excited I was about the car, she made me feel like crap...How could you buy a BMW...etc..etc... I felt terrible. I told her that just because this guy abused the car and took advantage of its speed,doesnt mean the entire car company is a bad one and that I am not going to drive fast-etc...

I felt terrible that she wasnt truly happy for me...stating, now for the next 3 years (the lease) I am going to have pins and needles- and what about a baby in the car (I am not pregnant yet)

I know she is associating my cousin's death with the car-I get it- but honestly, did I do the wrong thing by buying a car we loved?

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

You didn't do anything wrong. You can't control how your mom is feeling. She is associating the make of the car with your cousin's untimely death. His death had nothing to do with the car, but, with the driver. As time goes by and she sees that the car is a good one and that you are a safe and careful driver, she will, probably, come around. Good luck with your new car!

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

My husband's best friend died last year in a M3 as a passenger so I can relate to your mom's feelings.

You shouldn't feel bad, but I can understand her concern as well.

Good Luck with it!

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

Of course you shouldn't feel bad. You made an educated choice based on your needs and wants. But at the same time, you have to respect that your mom has her own opinions about the maker. But that respect doesn't mean that she should dictate what you do.

In the end, you just have to do what is right for you and what aligns with your own needs, wants and values.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

I just felt so bad when she wasnt excited- my mom and I are really close and I was so excited to call her and when she was silent and then had not so nice things to say, I was hurt. DH talked to her for me and told her all the details about the car...and she apologized to me. I know she is just nervous, but part of me was second guessing the car after she was so upset about it...

Message edited 8/15/2007 10:01:44 PM.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

Don't feel bad...you decided what was best for you and your family...your mom's feelings are understandable.

my dad always told me that a car is not a toy its a weapon and should be treated like one....so no matter what kind of car you drive you not 100% safe.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

My brother was killed by a Drunk Driver while in a Mustang convertible. My mom made me swear never even to get into one after that. I personally think it is the driver and not the car that is at fault.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

I don't feel you did anything wrong by leasing a BMW and honestly, I think it was so wrong and hurtful of your mom to react that way.

I also happen to think it's a ridiculous connection she's making. Maybe you can try to talk to her about it and convince her otherwise.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

No matter what car you get, someone has died in it. You can't make car-buying decisions based on what a careless driver did with another car.

On the flip side, my 18yo cousin died in a Vega when I was a toddler. A dozen years later, nobody told me about the make of car until after I bought a Vega. We were living with my aunt (cousin's mother) at the time. If I would have known, I wouldn't have bought the car. It was just a cheap car that I found, I wasn't in love with it or anything, so I could have just as easily bought a different car. My aunt didn't stop me, though. She knew her daughter died in an accident, and it wasn't the car's fault.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

Don't worry, its just that saying BMW probably brought up the memories of the accident.
Maybe to make her feel more secure you can show her stats about the safety of BMW's.

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

Spoke to my dad, who is going to come with Dh and I to pick up the car this weekend- since we both want to drive home in it- I told him he can ask the salesman whatever questions he wants about safety...My mom felt bad that she wasn't as excited as I expected her to be- I'm not mad at her at all, but you know when you are so happy about something and someone bursts your bubble...that's how I felt- she was the first person we called and then I felt bad about it- I'm sure my uncle (my cousin's father) is going to have something to say, but he probably wont say it to me, just my mom- I do feel bad and now part of me thinks my decision was selfish and disrespectful...

something small like a car should not make me feel this bad- oh well, it's a done deal , no turning back now...

Re: Should I feel bad? Car and mom related...

You shouldn't feel bad. As with any car, you have to remember to drive it properly.