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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Goldi0218
Your family member stepped up, accepted responsibility, and did what he felt was the right thing to do. I am willing to bet he would have supported her decision had she consulted him. I am so sorry.
I agree. She is very young and was probably overwhelmed and didn't know what to do.
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Posted 4/13/09 10:08 AM  |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Tilde
It depends on the situation. If the father would have no involvement if the child WAS born, then why should he know? BUT, in that situation where he was willing to BE a father - then definitely!
I agree with this. In the above situation, it looks like the father would have been involved in the life of the child so I think he certainly should have been told.
I don't know if they are still together, for to carry a lie like that for 18 months-I don't know how/if I could get past that if I was in his shoes.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:15 AM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nifheim
In this circumstance yes and I think in most cases. I feel if it was a one night stand or a fling then it might be best to do it in secret.
Agreed
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:17 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I'd say in general it depends on the circumstances. Ideally, yes.
In this case, obviously she wasn't ready for a baby or a lifetime commitment. I think it's her way of trying to get him to break up with her (to do it without his input & then later to tell him after the fact).
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:19 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nik211
a kid is life changing and if she wasnt ready i think what she did was responsible
I completely disagree.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:21 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Nik211
a kid is life changing and if she wasnt ready i think what she did was responsible
I completely disagree.
Yeah I agree with CrankyPants on this one.
The only reason I feel this situation is different -- she told him she was pregnant...he stepped up...went to the appt., and probably heard the heartbeat and fell in love with the baby even if he wasn't 100% ready yet. They were engaged and he was ready to start their life together.
Then she changed everything and went on her own to make this choice and lied about it. Not only did she make the decision on her own after she had consulted with him to, making him believe that his input was important, she UTTERLY betrayed his trust and lied to him.
After he believed she m/c'd -- he probably felt horrible for her, believing she had experienced this great loss as well as him. If I were him, I don't think I would be able to trust her again. That's a big deal breaker--if you can't trust your partner, then what do you have?
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:29 AM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I picked Other. Ultimately it is the woman's decision regarding her body and I support every woman's right to choose.
However, in this instance, he did have a right to know. It is terrible that she lied to him. I am sure he feels betrayed.
From her side of things, I can understand...she's 18, she probably panicked, not ready for marriage and a child.
I feel bad for both of them.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:45 AM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In that situation, absolutely!!! Many  to your family member
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:47 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Nik211
a kid is life changing and if she wasnt ready i think what she did was responsible
I completely disagree.
Yeah I agree with CrankyPants on this one.
The only reason I feel this situation is different -- she told him she was pregnant...he stepped up...went to the appt., and probably heard the heartbeat and fell in love with the baby even if he wasn't 100% ready yet. They were engaged and he was ready to start their life together.
Then she changed everything and went on her own to make this choice and lied about it. Not only did she make the decision on her own after she had consulted with him to, making him believe that his input was important, she UTTERLY betrayed his trust and lied to him.
After he believed she m/c'd -- he probably felt horrible for her, believing she had experienced this great loss as well as him. If I were him, I don't think I would be able to trust her again. That's a big deal breaker--if you can't trust your partner, then what do you have?
ITA! So sad! and what a good guy for stepping up and being a real man!!
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:52 AM |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nifheim
In this circumstance yes and I think in most cases. I feel if it was a one night stand or a fling then it might be best to do it in secret.
agree.
wow, what a sad, sad situation 
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:52 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Nik211
a kid is life changing and if she wasnt ready i think what she did was responsible
I completely disagree.
i don't - if you aren't ready to be a mother or don't want to be a mother than i think deciding to terminate is the responsible thing to do....thats just how i feel, i am very pro choice and i hate to see kids grow up and be neglected or given up or living in a foster home their whole life...
her lying - not cool - but i dont think she was "wrong" for deciding not to go through with it - its her body and i think ultimately her choice - she was wrong for the lying to her fiance but i think her decision was responsible - she was 18 and had a whole life ahead of her and obviously wasn't ready to have a child - that is what i meant as responsible - nobody should be forced to have a kid they dont want.....that is why you should be careful and use protection but sh!t happens
Message edited 4/13/2009 11:02:23 AM.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:59 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nik211
her lying - not cool - but i dont think she was "wrong" for deciding not to go through with it - its her body and i think ultimately her choice - she was wrong for the lying to her fiance but i think her decision was responsible - she was 18 and had a whole life ahead of her and obviously wasn't ready to have a child - that is what i meant as responsible - nobody should be forced to have a kid they dont want.....that is why you should be careful and use protection but sh!t happens
I don't think that her not having it -- is good or bad, that is her decision and that's fine. but my issue would be that she really made him think that he was totally involved and this was a partnership -- and its almost like "okay i'm gonna tell you i'm pregnant, get you to want to stay with me, then just get the abortion anyway....to keep you and not have to have the baby...and lie all about it and i pretend to mourn the loss together with you."
and clearly she was not going to forced into anything - since she was able to make the choice anyway with or without him. i sense that she knew if he wanted to keep the baby, and she wanted an abortion she would lose HIM and she didn't want that.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:08 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by Nik211
her lying - not cool - but i dont think she was "wrong" for deciding not to go through with it - its her body and i think ultimately her choice - she was wrong for the lying to her fiance but i think her decision was responsible - she was 18 and had a whole life ahead of her and obviously wasn't ready to have a child - that is what i meant as responsible - nobody should be forced to have a kid they dont want.....that is why you should be careful and use protection but sh!t happens
I don't think that her not having it -- is good or bad, that is her decision and that's fine. but my issue would be that she really made him think that he was totally involved and this was a partnership -- and its almost like "okay i'm gonna tell you i'm pregnant, get you to want to stay with me, then just get the abortion anyway....to keep you and not have to have the baby...and lie all about it and i pretend to mourn the loss together with you."
and clearly she was not going to forced into anything - since she was able to make the choice anyway with or without him. i sense that she knew if he wanted to keep the baby, and she wanted an abortion she would lose HIM and she didn't want that.
i guess i didnt think of it that way - and that could totally have been the case too - i was thinking more along the lines of being petrified and afraid of losing him if he knew the truth about her decision...
i am forgetting the part about them coming up with a decision together and then her changing her mind without telling him....
its a stinky situation.....i just have a feeling the girl feels a lot worse than the guy does even though what she did was messed up....but i could be wrong on that
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:16 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I think ideally, yes the father should be told if the woman is going to have an abortion. However, I voted "other" because I think there are a few situations where I don't think it's necessary, such as a one night stand where there is no relationship, rape, or where the relationship is completely over and the father wouldn't be/isn't involved at all.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:18 AM |
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chrisnjoe8108
He's 1!
Member since 8/08 5649 total posts
Name:
Chris
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this situation and in most cases I feel that the father should know
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:31 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
in that situation, yes.
they were building a life TOGETHER, and she made a decision that deeply effects BOTH of them ALONE.
I would dump her *** in a second  extremely wrong and selfish.
had she not told him, and made this decision on her own, I would feel differently...but I think once you open that box, you need to share whatever is in it.
I am sorry for your family member. what a breech of trust. 
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:35 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Ophelia
in that situation, yes.
they were building a life TOGETHER, and she made a decision that deeply effects BOTH of them ALONE.
I would dump her *** in a second extremely wrong and selfish.
had she not told him, and made this decision on her own, I would feel differently...but I think once you open that box, you need to share whatever is in it.
I am sorry for your family member. what a breech of trust.
yeah the more i think about it the more wrong it seems.....but i am guessing the girl just freaked out - but i guess if you freak out the one person you should be able to go to is your SO right?
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:37 AM |
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XcalystaX
Sooo Sleep Deprived....
Member since 7/06 2742 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by CoopersMom01
In this case, 100% yes. How could she do that to him
Ditto.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:42 AM |
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shiv
Twinsanity!!
Member since 5/07 4747 total posts
Name:
Shiv
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
OMG how horrible. I feel really bad for him to have to go through that. why couldn't she just talk to him about it?
Yes, I def think the father should know.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:43 AM |
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
in this situation yes. there was commitment and seem to have been planning on getting married in the future. however, if the baby's father would never want anything to do with the child then maybe telling him would not be a needed action.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:45 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nik211
Posted by Ophelia
in that situation, yes.
they were building a life TOGETHER, and she made a decision that deeply affects BOTH of them ALONE.
I would dump her *** in a second extremely wrong and selfish.
had she not told him, and made this decision on her own, I would feel differently...but I think once you open that box, you need to share whatever is in it.
I am sorry for your family member. what a breech of trust.
yeah the more i think about it the more wrong it seems.....but i am guessing the girl just freaked out - but i guess if you freak out the one person you should be able to go to is your SO right?
exactly. being pregnant is NOT easy for everyone. I am having a very hard pregnancy right now and I am 33 years old. I can't imagine going through this at 18 (and even more props to my mom, who had me at 17)
but, while I think ultimately it is the woman's decision, regardless of having the discussion with her SO or not, from the minute she made that decision, to the minute she went to the doctor and layed down on that table, to the minute she went home and told that lie she had TIME...time to talk about her fears....she had the chance to talk to HIM about it. and she didn't. and if she was afraid of losing him...I dont' see how this was the optimal way to keep him either.
it is so rare for a guy to step up like that at such a young age. my parents got married, but my bio father NEVER "stepped up"
I am absolutely crushed for him. the unfairness of just categorically leaving him out of the discussion even...is staggering.
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:46 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
It depends on a situation.
Also "you"(not you per say,I mean general) never know what really happens in other people's /couple's lives so I can't judge anyone.
Sad story though
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| Posted 4/13/09 11:48 AM |
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Generally speaking, it absolutely depends on the circumstances. In this situation, I would say yes. She told him she was pregnant and should have consulted with him about what she was feeling/thinking. I'm a firm believer that it is 100% the woman's choice, but she should have told him her decision and not LIED about it. Ideally she should have told him before, but if she was afraid that he would try to pressure her into keeping it then she should have told him right away and not told him that it was a miscarriage.
I don't blame her for making a mistake; she's young and it's understandable that she wasn't playing with a full deck at the time. Now that 18 months have passed maybe she's grown a bit and realized that lying to him was wrong. My heart goes out to the both of them. This is a terrible blow to the relationship and I hope that things work out for the best, whatever that may be.
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| Posted 4/13/09 12:03 PM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I think that is atrocious. I am happy she finally came clean but #1) that is wrong! Especially since they were together and not some one night stand and #2) I think it speaks volumes about the girl if she was able to do that and then keep it from him for soooo long. 
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| Posted 4/13/09 12:13 PM |
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AimeeE2006
Time flies!
Member since 1/06 5698 total posts
Name:
Aimee
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I would have said it depends on the situation - but in this situation - she most definitely should have told him.
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| Posted 4/13/09 12:27 PM |
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