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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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shower issue - need advice LONG
this is kind of a weird situation and I am not quite sure what to do about it..so I turn to you girls because I know I will get good advice!
My shower is this Sunday at my mom's house. Mom and sister are throwing it.
From the beginning of the planning, I let it be known that I don't really want it to be a surprise. They can plan it however they want but I would like to know when and where. My mom originally didn't like that, said she thought it should be a surprise. I expressed that I really did not want a surprise and thought that was the end of it. So did my sister and so she told me the details.
Last week, my mom mentions that she is having a "brunch" on Sunday for my aunt and uncle and I should come over around 130. I was like  because I know that is when the shower is planned for. I didn't really say anything to my mom but I asked my sister whats up. My sister says yeah listen, mom is like weirdly obsessed with this being a surprise. Turns out she gets extremely upset whenever my sister even mentions that I know about it and that I never wanted it to be a surprise in the first place.
I would just go along with it and let my mom have her "surprise" but the thing is, pretty much ALL the guests know it's NOT. I mean I have talked to all my friends about it and some cousins etc.. It's going to be kind of weird to walk in late and have everyone yell surprise right? I was planning to be there earlier so I could help them out or whatever.
My sister is telling me that my mom will freak out if i come early.
sigh it's not a huge drama or anything but I mean, I have problems being the center of attention and really don't want to have to fake being surprised. I know I should talk to my mom about this but a. i dont want to cause any drama when on the surface there isnt any and b. my sister says my mom has some sort of mental block about this and will get really upset if I know about (which I thought all along she knew I knew about it)
sigh. Thanks for reading this far....
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Posted 5/12/09 4:44 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
bellaro
LIF Adult
Member since 7/06 927 total posts
Name:
Rosalia
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
in My opinion.. I would just play along walk in when they want you to be there and smile and just thank your Mom and your sister .. I think its a Mom thing.. My mom is Obsessed
with my showing being a surprise as well.. I have no idea why .. I know i will find out when it gets closer so i Know i will know i will just play up the surprise.. I think she really just wants you to have a special day 
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| Posted 5/12/09 4:48 PM |
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sj-girl
Happy Family of 4
Member since 5/08 5654 total posts
Name:
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
i am kinda having somewhat the same issue, my mom wants it to be a surprise and i on the other hand want to know.
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| Posted 5/12/09 4:50 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I would just go along with the "surprise" - everyone knows you know but it means a lot to your mom so just go along, act somewhat surprised - you dont have to pretend too much just a little "wow is this for me" will do and have fun.
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| Posted 5/12/09 4:55 PM |
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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by bellaro
in My opinion.. I would just play along walk in when they want you to be there and smile and just thank your Mom and your sister .. I think its a Mom thing.. My mom is Obsessed
with my showing being a surprise as well.. I have no idea why .. I know i will find out when it gets closer so i Know i will know i will just play up the surprise.. I think she really just wants you to have a special day
Yes I am leaning this way too...just let her do the dumb surprise since she is obsessed with and it will make her happy. even though 99% of the guests will be totally confused as to why they are yelling surprise...I am just  about it because it is the ONLY thing I asked for in regards to the shower. But i know you are right.
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| Posted 5/12/09 4:56 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I would just play along...your friends and family know it's not a surprise, so they aren't going to make a big deal about it....just go along with it so there doesn't end up being any drama....
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| Posted 5/12/09 5:00 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
My mom was exactly like this for my bridal shower. She really wanted to have everyone yell surprise for me, well I walked in and everyone was talking and so I tapped her on the shoulder. It was she who was surprised. I then said how did you expect me to look pretty and get dressed if I did not know and she then thought about it and after the shower told me I was right. I would just play along.
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| Posted 5/12/09 5:08 PM |
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Gina674
I'm In Love!!!
Member since 5/05 1189 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Wow.... Is your mom and my mom related...??? I'm going through just about the same thing! Sorry, I have no advice,just best wishes!!
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| Posted 5/12/09 5:15 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
youll still be surprised at the decorations and wrapped gifts pile
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| Posted 5/12/09 6:01 PM |
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A3CM
Avatar Title
Member since 9/08 3762 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
i guess i am the odd one out.. bc i would be really upset if someone tried to do this to me.. esp since they knew/know you didnt want it to be a surprise...
i personally would still go to the house early and set up with your sister and your mother...
remember its about YOU and the BABY not your mom...
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| Posted 5/12/09 8:07 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9923 total posts
Name:
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I say let your mom have her "deluded" fun and think it was a surprise. I am anti-surprise. My bridal shower I made darn sure that DH told me when it was going to be. But I played the good bride to be and and that shocked/pleased expression when everyone yelled surprise. Let people have their fun if its no hurting anyone
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| Posted 5/12/09 8:12 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by Gertyrae
I would just play along...your friends and family know it's not a surprise, so they aren't going to make a big deal about it....just go along with it so there doesn't end up being any drama....
ditto
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| Posted 5/12/09 8:14 PM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
oops
Message edited 5/12/2009 11:57:45 PM.
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| Posted 5/12/09 11:55 PM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by carlowlou
Posted by bellaro
in My opinion.. I would just play along walk in when they want you to be there and smile and just thank your Mom and your sister .. I think its a Mom thing.. My mom is Obsessed
with my showing being a surprise as well.. I have no idea why .. I know i will find out when it gets closer so i Know i will know i will just play up the surprise.. I think she really just wants you to have a special day
Yes I am leaning this way too...just let her do the dumb surprise since she is obsessed with and it will make her happy. even though 99% of the guests will be totally confused as to why they are yelling surprise...I am just about it because it is the ONLY thing I asked for in regards to the shower. But i know you are right.
People won't be surprised to shout it out. That is the cutomary thing to do at showers. Remember you do know about the shower so it's not really a surprise
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| Posted 5/12/09 11:57 PM |
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jennarose023
Jack's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 11/08 7769 total posts
Name:
Jenna
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
i would just play along with it...that part will only last about 30 seconds and then you can move on...i wouldn't make a big issue about, I'm sure your mom just wants it to be special for you!
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| Posted 5/13/09 6:41 AM |
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jennarose023
Jack's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 11/08 7769 total posts
Name:
Jenna
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
OH YEAH...and also this past weekend was my future SIL's bridal shower which her grandma threw for her...she knew about it the whole time (and everyone knew she knew) but grandma thought it was a surprise so we all played along and so did she! It was no big deal and it made her grandma happy! HTH!
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| Posted 5/13/09 6:43 AM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Even though almost all the guests know you know, I would just play along with it also. I am sure everyone will realize that your mom just wants to have her "surprise" moment for herself.
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| Posted 5/13/09 6:54 AM |
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BnBdreamin
Gonna be a BIG Bro in April!
Member since 10/06 5913 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by bellaro
in My opinion.. I would just play along walk in when they want you to be there and smile and just thank your Mom and your sister .. I think its a Mom thing.. My mom is Obsessed
with my showing being a surprise as well.. I have no idea why .. I know i will find out when it gets closer so i Know i will know i will just play up the surprise.. I think she really just wants you to have a special day
ITA! 
Let your mom be your mom. I know it's your day but this is a moment for our moms too. Their daughters are having babies and this is a very special thing for them. I know in today's day, showers have become less and less surprises but in mom's day, they were surprises.
I wouldn't show up early even if it were not supposed to be a surprise. The party is to honor you so you should make a little entrance. And guests still like to have that moment of yelling surprise (as what else would they say?) just to get the event started and announce your arrival. There will be some surprise elements... who is actually there, the decoration theme, words on the cake, games, special gifts, etc. So let your mom have her little moment too.
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| Posted 5/13/09 6:55 AM |
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spa118
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 2157 total posts
Name:
Shari
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I agree with the majority of the gals here who think you should just go along with it. This way, you both win - you are mentally prepared, and your mom gets to have her surprise shower. I think at most surprise showers, the bride/mom finds out, and people aren't that upset or surprised that she found out. I totally knew about my bridal shower and showed up when I was supposed to in a white sun dress.
The funniest thing ever is my best friends sister honestly believed it was HER shower (she was getting married a month after me), and her sister (my MOH) went through the elaborate trouble of making an invitation to my shower to throw her off, and she too showed up in a white sundress 
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| Posted 5/13/09 7:41 AM |
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FLaCaTaCa
Kelsey Elyse = Love
Member since 5/05 1855 total posts
Name:
Stacy
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I think I would personally play along. It'll be something you, your sister and the guests that know you know about it will laugh about in the future.
I think you will BE surprised no matter what as you walk in and see the decorations and the people so just focus on that "surprise".
Good Luck! I know you feel like it's no big deal but it is and I wish some things were just simple. But not everyone agrees and since she's your mom...I'd go along with it and chalk it up!
Hope you have a wonderful time!!!
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| Posted 5/13/09 7:46 AM |
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usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by mommyonli
i guess i am the odd one out.. bc i would be really upset if someone tried to do this to me.. esp since they knew/know you didnt want it to be a surprise...
i personally would still go to the house early and set up with your sister and your mother...
remember its about YOU and the BABY not your mom...
I disagree.
A shower is thrown FOR you - it's something nice that someone is doing for you, the least you can do is play along. Bringing a baby into the world is not just about you and the baby, it's about family - the grandma has every right to be excited.
I think you should just go along with it for your mom's sake. She'll be thrilled and I'm sure the anticipation of having to fake it is more stressful than the actual event! There might be a few minutes of awkwardness, but it's only a few minutes and then the shower can proceed as it would've had your mother acknowledged that you knew. Your sister will be able to explain.
Have fun!
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| Posted 5/13/09 8:14 AM |
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alisonggg
Cutie
Member since 3/06 4749 total posts
Name:
a
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
Posted by butterfly20
youll still be surprised at the decorations and wrapped gifts pile
I agree with this. My shower isn't a suprise (I know its this Sun! yay!) but I know nothing about the decorations, favors etc. I'd walk in and show my suprise, even if it means being suprised by the decorations and everyone who is there for your special day
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| Posted 5/13/09 8:17 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: shower issue - need advice LONG
I wouldn't go out of my way to break mom's delusion BUT when they all yell surprise I don't think I could fake it. I would just say how nice everything looks and how excited I am to see everyone.
And, I'd say something like "wow, for me? what a surprise! And give a big wink so folks know I'm not putting on anything.
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| Posted 5/13/09 8:45 AM |
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